Father's Day Night
It's evening. The day is done.
Dad walks around the apartment, alone.
He wipes up the spills, picks up the corn curls:
The last remnants of his visiting girls.
He picks up a toy and picks up some socks.
"They'll get it next time", he says, as he puts them in The Box.
As he does his last duties of the day,
He sits back and recalls when it was another way.
He and the girls were all together then,
Mom was there too, remember when?
Mom and the girls brought breakfast in bed?
On that Father's Day, it could truly be said:
"You had it all", but where did it go?
The lawyers and judge decreed it all so.
"Till death do us part", was the vow that you made.
And now it's death you feel, and oh so afraid,
That you lost it all, through one deadly sin.
Do you remember when it all did begin?
You were an "old" married man, set in your ways,
She caught your attention and filled your days,
With new and wonderful thoughts and her charm,
"Perhaps" . . . "maybe" . . . "it's just fun" . . . "what could it harm"?
But the taste led to more and soon it was not enough,
You were "in love" and going home was put off.
At first Mom and the kids wondered why,
Daddy had to work so hard, and they would try,
To make him feel better and to have less stress.
But it never seemed to help, the family was a mess.
Mom had a feeling that something was not right.
None of you will ever forget that fateful night,
When Mom said you had to choose.
But how could you know, that you would be the one to lose.
It's been a couple years, and the girl?
Well, she's long gone, she gave it a whirl,
But she said, "the fun is all gone", it had to be you.
So she packed up her things and now she's gone too.
Your year of fun soon turned to pain,
All to be lost and nothing to gain.
The girls, now visitors to your home,
Come every two weeks, so you're not really alone.
Until they leave again, and then you will be:
The Dad who cleans up, why is it so hard to see?
The tears fill your eyes as you pick up the last curls,
Dropped on the floor by your little girls.
Your hand lingers on the toys that they dropped,
Wishing that the day would have just stopped,
On that one moment when they were there,
Playing with the toys that you bought with such care.
If that's all you have, then you'll hold them real tight.
Till next Father's Day turns into next Father's Night.
Anonymous
Dear friend,
My prayer is that you read this poem well before your "Father's Night". The time to read it is before you have taken that step that leads you away from your family. Let me say that there is no pain or sadness that you can possibly feel now that will match the pain and sadness that will come when you are a Dad to be visited. It will never be the same. In order to feel good, to just make it through the day, you will have to wipe out all the memories you have of the things you did as a family. You will try to buy your kids love but you will never have enough time or money to do so. They will be some kids from another family that you have no part of. You will not be allowed to share most of their lives. Oh, you will contribute. They will be thankful but soon something will be lost. They will have something to do on some of "your" days. By the way, you will come to refer to them as "your days" - the days with your kids will be a possession to be fought over (and you will fight!). Then step-dad comes into the picture and he's there all the time - lots more than you. The kids still love you but . . the bike is fixed by this guy, the skinned knee might be cared for by him, and that first date - will it be "your day" or his?
Dear friend, if you have not gone too far down this road of adultery, then get off it now. Turn around, go back home, before it is no longer home. No woman is worth the pain you will feel. No woman is worth the loss of your place as Father. If there are troubles in the marriage, work 'em out. Need counseling? Get it. Do not wait until you are reduced to a sad and lonely man writing poems on the Internet, waiting for "your days" to come around again and hoping that they do not have something else planned. If you have already gone down that road, then be the best Dad you can. Give them your time and your best. Stay involved. Get a relationship with your ex that allows you to be as full-time Dad as you can be. Let your kids enjoy life and be a part of all you can. Don't be selfish - you caused the situation, not your kids. If it wasn't your fault, I am sorry, I only speak from my experience. If you have not found that God is the only comfort in this life, then I urge you to seek Him out. For a simple way to find Him, go to Steps To Peace With God. For help with lust and sexual sin, see the links below.
Proverbs 6:25-35 says: "Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house. But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away; for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is."
If you are having a particularly hard time with lust, go to the link below. It will take you to the Christianity Today - Leadership Journal web site and an article entitled, The War Within: An Anatomy of Lust. It was written anonymously (not the same anonymous as above) by a pastor who struggled with and overcame lust by the Grace of God. It is very honest and forthright. To find out how this pastor is doing and the Lord's continuing work in his life, visit the second link. For practical advice on how to overcome lust (from the same author), visit the third link.
The War Within - An Anatomy of Lust
Weapons for the War Against Lust and Sexual Immorality
A multi-part look at how to control lust and sexual immorality from an addictions perspective.
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four
For an up-to-date web site that deals with on-line and off-line pornography addictions from both the secular and Biblical perspectives, visit the web site below:
What about divorce? Is it always necessary? Isn't it better to divorce so that you can be happy? Isn't a peaceful home better for the children? NO! This is the answer that researchers (Waite, Browning, Doherty, Gallagher, Luo, & Stanley) discovered when they actually compared the outcomes in the lives of persons who were in unhappy marriages and divorced with those in unhappy marriages who stayed together. Two-thirds of those unhappy marrieds who stayed together reported that their marriages were happy five years later. To read more about this study, visit the AmericanValues.org web site below:
Does Divorce Make People Happy?
Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages
Finally, I hope, I have just read a book (February 2004) that I actually bought for my wife. It is a book for wives but I read it first. It is Dr. Laura Schlessinger's latest book: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. It tells the simple facts about men and women and how very simple men are. The key is the way women treat men that can make all the difference. It goes against the grain of today's politically correct society that says: "Women good, men bad." Buy it for your wife and read it with her if you want. Don't make the mistake I made by hyping it too much. My wife put off reading it because she thought she was doing everything wrong. Just buy it and leave it in the bathroom. It's available everywhere. Think about it. For a link to Dr. Laura's web site and to purchase the book, see:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
Update: March 2005 - Maybe this will be the real "finally". Bob Just wrote an excellent (though very long) article on the story of his parent's divorce. He shares his personal pain and has some great insights about the purpose of marriage, which is not about being loved but loving. See the article here:
Update: November 2005 - At least one more: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach has written a great article on the problems facing men in America. Reading it may help men to focus on the things in life that really matter, before it is too late:
The Broken American Male, And How To Fix Him