Peter's Future
Peter is my grandson. He was born with spina bifida occulta and cerebral palsy. Neither are severe. He also was globally delayed. He receives speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. Currently he lives with my wife and me due to some difficulties his parents have in maintaining a safe home environment.
Last night I was watching the movie Forbidden Kingdom and Peter was flitting between watching the movie and his toys. He tells us that his solitary play time is his "down time" and he tends to use it to calm down and settle in for the night. Part of his "down time" last night was his karate moves he mimicked from the movie. Peter is overweight, has poor but improving motor skills, and is totally lovable. But for a short time last night I looked at him through the eyes of a mean kid in his future classroom. Actually the movie I was watching gave me this idea because it begins with a nerdy boy who gets beat up by a bunch of bullies who also make fun of his karate moves.
Peter was making a series of karate kicks and then bent over and made several sharp punches with his hands. To me, he looked precious and I wish that I could have frozen him in that moment of time and kept him right there in my den - safe and protected from the world that I know will not see him the way I do.
For a moment tears filled my eyes as I allowed myself to look at him the way a mean kid at school would look at him. For a moment - just a moment - Peter was a fat kid that was clumsily pretending to be a karate master. He looked ridiculous! If I were that mean kid at his future school I would laugh my head off and tease him until he cried! I might even beat him up. "You think you know karate?!" I would taunt, "Try to stop this!" And I would slap him in the face. That would knock him to the floor - he would fall clumsily - unable to protect himself from the fall and he would try to get up but I would push him down again until he crawled off to the teacher, crying.
At that moment I paused the movie and called Peter over to me. My wife who was also enjoying Peter's karate exhibition was puzzled. She did not see my tears but she heard them in my voice as I prayed out loud, "Dear Jesus, protect Peter all his life, and keep him safe from all who would harm him or tease him." Peter hugged me and then he was off again - more karate moves to make - oblivious to my concerns.
Karen, my wife, and I talked about the fears that all of you know too well. Fears that our grandson will be belittled for being different. That once he leaves our protective bubble at home he will be at the mercy of bullies, the "cool" kids, and those kids whose lives did not begin with early intervention, hospital stays, and therapies.
As long as Peter is with us (Karen is homeschooling him for kindergarten) we can keep him safe from all the other kids. At playgrounds we are right there and can explain to other kids why he cannot jump off the monkey bars like they do or why he cannot jump up on the swings like they do. But what about that time in the future when we are not there. Will there be anyone there to understand him, to explain him, to protect him? Or will he be at the mercy of the world?
I told Karen that I am going to teach Peter to fight and will probably enroll him in karate and/or boxing classes because I cannot bear to think of him being made fun of or bullied. I remember being bullied when I was a kid - it was not pleasant and I probably have a few scars in my psyche from those episodes. But my thoughts about bullying today have nothing to do with my history. I could care less about those episodes. They have no impact on my day to day living. But the THOUGHT of Peter being bullied drives me crazy! I think I could be pushed to the point of violence against anyone who would dare harm or make fun of my Peter!
So what do I do with all this? What do you do with it? I pray. Is there anything else to do? Certainly there is nothing better to do. I read through all the articles on bullying on the Internet and some of it gave me some ideas but none of it satisfied me. For now I am anticipating a problem that has not occured as yet. That's called worrying and the Bible has much to say about worrying. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25a, 34) A wise person said, "There are only two kinds of things you can worry about: 1. The kind of thing that you can't do anything about; so do not worry, pray instead! and 2. The kind of thing you can do something about; so do it instead of worrying!" So I will try not to worry and I will pray instead.
But I will prepare Peter for the cold, cruel world. In the mean time I will protect him. I will teach him to fight, teach him to recognize teasing, but my main focus will be to teach him to be a kind and loving soul. I think that is the real problem with Peter (if it can be called a problem) - that he is kind and gentle. He has no guile, no cruelty, no agendas - he is an easy target. Kids with guile, with cruelty, with agendas are looking out for kids like Peter. Bullies love those who don't or can't fight back. I want to teach Peter how to fight back but I will also teach him why and when to fight back. I will not stop teaching him how to love and be kind. The more I think about it - being bullied, misunderstood, or teased is an occupational hazard of being kind and gentle and loving. Jesus was misunderstood, bullied, and teased but He came out the better for it all and so did we.
Another Peter, one of Jesus' disciples, said this: "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you... However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.... So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
(1 Peter 4:12-14, 16, 19).
I pray that my Peter will never have to suffer but if he does I pray he will suffer only because he is too kind, not too cruel. I will still have a hard time dealing with it but I know that Peter's future is not left up to chance or bullies but His Savior has a stake in that future as well and He will be there on those days that I cannot. He will protect him and see to it that he remains the sweet, kind, karate-chopping boy that is unafraid to display his talents to the world. When he falls, he will get back up again. When he is hurt, I will be there. When I cannot be there, His Real Father will be there and woe to those who would hurt him.
(15 Sep 2008) ~ GJH ~