whyiamdoingthis

early childhood shaped both religious and non-religious views. i don't know how to put it really, but when a child 'surrounded' and accustomed to something, it isn't questioned, but accepted by that child as 'normal'. so i didn't question. but i did make very clear i didn't want to see ghosts or anything like that, and though they were around me, for the most part i was left alone. my own guardian who visited me for i don't know how long left perhaps a few years after her presence became known to me. and i never once questioned what she was. i was used to her and knew i could turn to her for comfort. to me the spirit world was divided into two groups - the mortal souls and the others. the others being the 'divine', different souls but still people. just different people. my guardian was one of the 'divine'.

religiously, i am legally anglican (as in on my birth certificate), like my mother. my father was, and i say was, a catholic. he left his religion to marry my mother. and tho neither 'griped' about it, i grew up with the awarness of the hyprocicy of religion. however, as i am by nature tolerant i've never had any issues with what other people believe. i went through the usual process, up to my first communion. it was then that i felt something different. and rejected by 'something'. i was in the row waiting to go up to receive the holy bread and wine, i followed those before me and knelt down, but although there was room for more, the lady behind did not follow me. and the pastor had a frowning expression i couldn't understand when he looked down on me.

i have never believed in god as in the creator. my view from primary school onwards when i read prolifically everything and anything was that gods were people worshiped by those they were superior to. they weren't divine. i also believed, and still do, that nothing is greater than the power of belief. i have never felt comfortable in chuches. it was my first, and my last communion.

when i first learnt about tibetan budhism, and that some of them could predict/prepare for their next life, i understood that because it coincided with what i already believed about soul evolution. because i have a facination with history and did ancient history at high school, i had the opportunity to learn about ancient cultures, and they religions, which further cemented my views on the evolution of religion in society.

'magical' things have happened to me in my life. when i was small i used to think the wind would pick up paper and plastic bags to amuse me. i once looked up at the stars (i was interested in astronomy for a while) and saw not the constellation but the centaur, as if someone had draw him in the night sky. i passed within meters of the end of the rainbow, but because i was rushing to the stables where i worked for pocket money on the weekends i didn't stop my bicycle and follow it. i wondered once what it would be like to have lightning strike next to you and when it did (on a bare garden bed where everything, including me was higher) i decided that being careful what you wish for was a wise thing. i have had precognative and telepathic experiences, almost had what i thought was an out of body experience (i fell back with a thud). i am actually good at tarot cards when reading for someone else, but nobody - myself included - can read my future accurately, though some have picked up on my past. somewhere in my mid-twenties (and i am a lot older than that now) i had an alien encounter.

speaking of more recent years, when i was approached by 'ascended masters' i knew, without doubt, that they were not divine. even though i didnt know who they were or why they were invisible, i knew they were mortal. i've never had any trouble disquingishing that, at least. and i have been 'at odds' with them ever since. i was confused by what they wanted at first but i certainly wasn't going to make them into 'gods'. so much has happened in the last couple of years, things i cannot see and struggled to understand, that it is probably a good thing that i only remember it all vaguely.

but the first visits by the derrah diig n'eh are not something i'll forget. i would wake up crying in the night from telepathic demands of beings i could not see. it must have been my connection with tahn which made them think they could use me. but what they wanted i didn't understand. they demanded i made them into universes. which was impossible and no amount of threats or bribery was going to make any difference. and they did try bribery, offering me rubies and emeralds. but i knew they were lying, and repeated that constantly.the turmoil in my life is something i am yet to recover from, because they are still here, they and any number of others' astrals. as well as ghosts, and, of course, visits from that which is divine.

i learned later that universe was the eholim equivalent of 'god'. they wanted me to make them into gods. but since they killed each others' transators as they argued around me, i didn't understand that then. they literally didn't trust their translators anyway. the oligarchy didn't know much english and didn't what their menials to make offers to turn themselves into gods (in case tahn was present and listening? and had the power to do it? i don't know). what they wanted was for me to preach the word of the ascended masters, and gain a following of gullible fools like they expected me to be. i serve no-one, and i am certainly nobody's slave.

after the attack (still ongoing in a number of ways) of the ascended masters, i have since investigated their 'teachings' and technology and i know what they are and what they do, but everyone would rather believe they are wonderfully divine, or demons (they've even passed themselves off as some sort of benign advanced race to some), making them totally blind to what the 'channeled messages' are actually all about...

i'm still trying to pull my life back together, and have devoted myself to compiling information and exposing them on my own website.