Dating and Sexual Harassment

Dating in every culture has unique rules and expectations that you may find different or confusing. Of course, much of this depends on the individuals involved. If you intend to date in the US, you may want to reflect on your expectations of dating and how you interpret theirs.

Notre Dame du Lac's expectations of sexual conduct are informed by its Catholic mission and expects sexual activity to be limited to married individuals.

Consent vs. Affirmative Consent

In the US, this is becoming more and more the standard for engaging in sexual activity with others. Consent simply is someone's willingness to engage, but affirmative consent is their explicit affirmation to clear up any uncertainty. For instance, if someone kisses you and you don't pull away, push them, block your face, etc., inaction may be perceived as consent. Affirmative consent is if someone asks for your permission to kiss you and you say, "Yes, I want you to kiss me." Making sure you or the other person has affirmative consent is important when sometimes our cross-cultural body language and signals aren't being sent and received as we thought.

When do I need affirmative consent (or when does someone need mine)?

If you're unsure, you should always ask. Generally, if you're going to touch another person--even non-sexually--you should seek permission first. It may feel awkward to ask every time, but in the modern US cultural landscape, this is the most respectful and lowest risk behavior. Practice even with your friends so you get used to it.
Examples:
"Your hair is a bit out of place because of the wind, is it okay if I fix it?"
"I love my birthday gift! Thank you so much. Can I give you a hug?"

Power Dynamics

Power dynamics can impact someone's ability to give consent. For instance, if a professor wants to kiss a student, that student may feel like they are not able to reject the professor's advances because that person has power over them--the power to give them good or bad grades.

Power dynamics can also be related to mobility (specifically the ability to leave a situation), gender, physical attributes like strength, and more.

The Notre Dame's Sexual Harassment Policy clearly outlines where power dynamics forbid engagement in activity with another person.

LBGTQ+ Community

Notre Dame does not discriminate against students, faculty, or staff based on their sexual orientation. In the United States, LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning) people are allowed to be married and express their identity as they wish without fear of persecution. Regardless of anyone's beliefs or opinions, treating someone poorly or differently because of their sexual orientation is discriminatory, not tolerated, and often punishable.

The University Counseling Center (UCC) has a list of resources available to LGBTQ+ students.