Your stories

Age 19 - 24, MALE

I went round to someone’s flat who I thought was a friend. We’d been in a casual relationship for sometime. This night I had been drinking before hand. Arrived at their house and blacked out. I came round twice, both times the person was still engaging in sexual activity. This was a shock given that we’d spent time together previously 

Age 14 - 18, FEMALE

I went on a date with someone I used to work with. He took me to a bar on a weekday where he knew there would be no security/bouncers waiting outside, as i’m underage. Me being younger got far drunker than he did, however he kept buying drinks and pressuring me to drink them. He took me to a hotel rather than taking me home, where he raped me while I was unconscious. 

I continued dating him after this because I didn’t know. Slowly, parts of that night came back. He told me we had sex and stated several times even to this day that I was blacked out, yet still doesn’t seem to understand that what he did was wrong.

We get told that rape is violent. Aggressive. Pinning people down and covering their mouth as they scream. Tearing their clothes off beating them black and bloody. Stained memories that you will never forget. Limping for days after, pissing blood and being unable to sit comfortably on a chair. We don’t get told that rape is silent. Painless. Waking up the next morning like nothing had happened, because as far as you know nothing did. Until I looked in the mirror and I saw the bruises covering my body head to toe. Perhaps he was violent, but I always looked like that after sex because that’s what HE was into so who’s to say that this was different? 

I was unconscious. I could not consent. I could not defend myself and I do not deserve to have to ask myself the question of, ‘If I didn’t drink so much and I had the opportunity to say no, would he have stopped?’ But it doesn’t matter what I deserve because I do it anyway, just like he did it anyway.

In a very dark place in my heart, I don’t believe he did rape me because I didn’t give him the chance to say no. He broke me into so many pieces and a long the way I’ve lost a few, I will never be whole. I will never find those lost pieces because he stole them from me. 

For anyone else who has ever suffered at the hands of another, regardless of the abuse, regardless of the gender, I wish I could save you. I beg that you allow someone else to help you, allow someone else to save you because I promise you cannot save yourself. You will drown. Staying afloat isn’t permanent. Find someone to teach you how to swim. Find them. Find them and swim! 

Age 14 - 18, FEMALE

Sexual assault can happen to all genders!! 

Age 14 - 18, FEMALE

Sexual assault isn’t something you can ignore or pretend it didn’t happen. Unfortunately I learned this the long, difficult way. 

When I was 13, I went to a party and got somewhat drunk. He took me upstairs at some point as I don’t remember how I got there and he assaulted me. I woke up the next day with a message from him, ‘Lets not tell anyone about last night 😊.’ 

I never realised what he had done to me until much later because I was young and naive. 

For years, I swore myself to secrecy and only told my boyfriend and close friends. I was embarrassed. Confused. Alone. It was so difficult to explain, so i thought it was easier if I didn’t try at all. 

Eventually, I had become depressed and I had lost all hope due to the unspoken trauma I was still holding on to. The only way I could help myself overcome the immense feelings I was experiencing, was by talking. I wish I had done it sooner because once I did, I realised no one is here to judge me, they are here to listen to me when I am ready. I wont lie, it was scary. It was one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had. But I did it. 

I hope my story helps you to realise that, it is not embarrassing , you are not weird and it is most certainly, not your fault. 

Age 19-24, FEMALE

Unfortunately I do not know many females that have not experienced either sexual assault or sexual harassment, which is something that people have (dare I say it) “normalised” because it happens so frequently and to so many people. 

I never realised when I was younger that men whistling out their windows, work men making comments on my body and “friends” slapping my bum was sexual harassment, it’s only now that I realise to what extent it was. 

In my teens I was sexually assaulted in my own home by someone that was a close friend. It makes you not want to trust those around you. 

You’re not alone. The same way I wasn’t alone. In the moment it may feel like you have nothing, but there are people that care. 

If you need help and are 16+ there’s a number you can call 08088029999. You’re supported in everything you do 

Age 25-34, MALE

This following story has been amended for the purposes of this site. 

It’s very difficult as a man to talk about this but I have been privy over the years to comments, touching and overt advances that do make me feel uncomfortable. 

The ruffling of hair, the discussion about my sex life and touching of arms and other places. 

Men are afraid to speak up. 

On a personal front, I have encountered domestic violence, unbelievable betrayal, financial abandonment and being put in the “dog house” locked outside for hours or having to sleep on the couch.

The scars I have are extremely deep from the mindset of certain exes and there needs to be a platform where men can speak about women who abuse the trust of their partners and try to ruin lives.

Age 25-34, FEMALE

Looking back and reflecting on my teen years and my twenties, it is only now that I see the sexual harassment and abuse that I have endured. I started my first job in a restaurant, and there I would have men slap my bum and comment on my appearance and clothes.

As I got older and went out more, I would get men beeping their horn at me as they drove past me. I had men force themselves on me in clubs and grind up on me without my consent. I am bisexual and even now I have men wanting me to kiss other girls in front of them, or ask me for threesomes.

When I was 27, I got paralytic drunk and a man pulled me into the disabled toilet and forced himself on me. My friend got a bouncer to get me out, and he pulled the man off me. I never told anyone else and did not press charges as I was embarrassed and felt that it was my own doing for getting so drunk.

No one should have to go through Sexual Harassment or Sexual Violence from another person. Let's get talking because it is not your fault and you are not alone. That's why I wanted to share my story.

Age 25-34, FEMALE

When I was growing up I used to get catcalled, people would day inappropriate things to me and have men beep there car horns at me all the time. Even as young adult it still happened and I realised it was probably because I looked younger than I actually was. 

It used to really get me down and really make me angry. As it should! Because it’s not right. But I used to be really conscious about wearing ‘revealing’ clothing or shorts/dresses because I was sick of men staring at me or saying inappropriate things. I realised I was so bothered by it because I wasn’t in control of what other people thought or did or said and me wearing baggy clothes/big jumpers was an attempt to try take back some of that control. Now as an adult, I’ve come to just accept that I can’t control another persons words or actions but I can control how I let them affect me, I still have the temptation to cover up and not show my skin sometimes but I think why should I not be able to dress however I like! I had a builder say something inappropriate to me as I walked past and instead of getting angry and upset I took a photo of his van and reported his behaviour to the company he worked for. I even told them the street name, time and date so they’d be able to locate who it might of been. The company were actually very apologetic and made me feel listened to. 

 We need to call out sexual remarks and inappropriate comments at a younger age so that when people grow older they don’t continue this behaviour. And if this happens to you, just remember you should be able to walk down a street feeling safe and comfortable and if anyone makes you feel otherwise, share it and tell someone you know. Even if you can’t change the behaviours of others it might help you process things and feel better in the long run. 

Age 25-34, FEMALE

I was sexually abused by my father in early childhood. He was also violent to my mother and ran away. I have never met him since. But I carry the weight of his actions around with me every day. Some days are easier than others, some days I walk around college and no one would ever know the amount of emotional pain I have experienced so far. Some days I sit in the shower and cry for hours. But I always stand up again, I always put myself back together each time it feels like I’ve fallen apart. I never, ever give up on life and the life I want to create for myself. I deserve it, I deserve happiness, I deserve a long and happy life regardless of how my life started out. 

 I want to share this story because I want other young people to know that they deserve it too. No matter what you’ve been through. If you also experienced this at an early age, you are not alone. You are not to blame, you were not responsible. It will affect you, how could it not? But always remember that it doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s your story and you didn’t have a choice in its beginning but you can choose your own middle and ending. Write your chapters happier, write chapters full of love and new experiences with compassion and kindness for yourself and for all you meet. I don’t tell many people my story but I advise you to find a professional or a counsellor to tell your story to too. The longer you keep it inside and to yourself the more it eats away at you and affects you from the inside out. Open up, share your feelings but make sure it’s to the right person at the right time. When sexual violence happens as a child it’s really difficult to process, especially once you leave school and become more independent. Suddenly everything feels more pressurised and when people are excited for new chapters like jobs and university you can find yourself being pulled back to your early experiences. It makes it hard to be excited about the future when you’re still struggling to process and understand the past. Reach out, find some support and fill yourself up with love. 

Just always remember you are worth it.

Age 25-34, FEMALE

When I was sixteen I started working as a waitress in small, local restaurant. One of the chefs would always stare at me and I knew he was saying things about me to the other staff. He started grabbing at me when I went I went to collect food from the kitchens - slapping, pinching or squeezing my bum. I felt so uncomfortable and would always try to get the food as fast as I could to avoid him. The other chefs were there and will have seen but no one said anything. When I told one of the managers that this was going on, he just said, 'well, he's just like that, sorry love'. Nothing changed and I didn't really know what to do. I didn't dare tell my parents of friends because I felt ashamed, and I knew some of my friends would tell me to be flattered that an older man was paying me attention. I convinced myself it wasn't so bad and stayed working there for 5 months as I needed the cash. 

I didn't really know then what my rights were and things like sexual harassment were never talked about back then. The attitude of 'boys will be boys' always prevailed and as a young teenage girl, I felt completely powerless in the situation. 

When I was at Uni in my early 20s as a student, I started waitressing again part time and something similar happened one night with the restaurant owner. He wasn't always there but the first time I met him, he had obviously been drinking and he tried to grope me. I immediately told the manager, who was his wife, and she said her husband would never do such a thing and that because he was Moroccan, it was normal in his culture. I couldn't believe she could accept that her husband was like that and quit soon after to find work elsewhere. 

It's not until now that I realise just how inappropriate that behaviour was and I wish my younger self had the confidence to speak up and do something about it; but then again, why should that onus be put on me?

Age 25-34, FEMALE

For New Years 2014 I went out in Leeds with a friend and had definitely had a bit too much to drink, and was in the Cockpit nightclub on the dance floor. It was absolutely packed so hard to move about. It must have been obvious that I was unable to consent, but this man started dancing with me and then he pulled me into him and put his fingers inside me. I tried to get away but it was really hard to, although I did in the end. I never reported it or even really told anyone because I knew people would say it was my own fault for being drunk.