Learn the Seven Types of People in Any Message Forum

Ed Note: This is Antiher0's, from 2003, and it's handy for learning the rapid-fire often cliched bullshit Internet Retards spew like debris from a dying planet. This doesn't include fanboys, psychopaths, deranged fetishists, rapists, and (Rangerboard), Mass-Censoring Pukenuggets with shitty senses of humour, but you can consult urbandictionary.com and various other websites, most of them mine, and the Rant sites in the Compendium for MUCH more information.

I took a break from shitting the other day, when I decided to take a look at my web logs to see exactly how people get to my site. I came across a message board, and when I saw what they were talking about, I watched the Brady Bunch 7 times to reassure myself that life couldn't suck any more than it does now. This message board linked to my Teen Love Page…its name was "Love Troubles." After I read this, I realized that there was a motif involved in all message boards. It's as if stupid people had their own agenda without regards to logic or making themselves look anything less than an actor on any GAP commercial. I have discovered that in every message forum exists seven types of people:

1. The troubled teen with the problem, an idea, or opinion.

This is the nucleus of all message forums. Every message revolves around what this dipshit has to say, unless a more greater dipshit comes along and overpowers the first dipshit, then the conversation skews off tangent. It is inertia at its best. This person usually can't spell, type, or do anything without humiliating themselves. Their problems are usually stupid, pointless and would make everyone dumber for taking their time to read it. No one wants to listen to their shitty ideas in the first place, which is why they post it on the internet. I feel dumber already…

2. The person who "understands" the troubled teen's plight.

This person is usually just as dumb as the person who started the message forum. They usually write back with comments like "I feel you hunny," or "Are you sure you are making the right decision???!!?//" This person questions what the troubled teen does, but always finds some way to agree with them. It is like real life in the sense that when a girl gets mad, they always run to their friend who always agrees with her, regardless of how stupid she is.

3. The person who disagrees but just can't quite seem to be hostile.

This person is a pussy in the fact that he/ she desperately wants to insult someone…but just can't seem to do it. He/ She proposes a different view on the certain topic and knows that the other person is wrong and stupid, but is too much of a pussy to do anything about it. Sissy…


4. The person who agrees with the pussy…gradually building the pussy's confidence.

This person is also as dumb as the person who started the conversation but doesn't know that. He/ she talks out of their ass in order to conjure up some type of brilliance and just keeps on rambling and won't shut up, and you are forced to read it just to see how stupid one can be. It's like a porno with fat people in it…you don't want to see it, but you can't stop looking once you do.

5. The person who doesn't quite know what's going on, but agrees with the person who wrote the preceding message.

This is the person who doesn't get it, will never get it, and makes us all glad that they don't get it.

6. The most sensible person in the forum

I don't know why they would be in a forum to begin with, but rest assured, he/ she speaks words of wisdom.

7. The mediator

This is the person who was hugged too much as a child, watches Sesame Street and re-runs of Mr. Rogers. This person agrees with everyone regardless of how dumb they are. This person usually calms the forum down to a lukewarm pile of steamy horse shit. This person is nice…therefore religious, and I'll be damned if they can't write a message without ending it in "God Bless…" Screw you asshole…


There are all the different types of people found in message forums. Please note how none of them say anything remotely intelligent, but rather ramble for hours on end about an asinine topic worthy of the Maury Povich show.

By the way…people will ask me if this message forum is for real…
Yes…sadly it is, http://www.messageboard.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8915&ARCHIVE=

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