Questions

Ask yourself the hard questions before any potentially difficult conversation. As you make the leader shift from pleasing people to challenging people, you need to work hard at challenging conversations. Ask yourself, what is the source of the problem prompting the need for this challenging conversation? Is it an external issue, problem with any other person, or me? If external, it would be easy to solve. If a problem was related to the person's attitude or actions, it would be more difficult. If the fault was mine, then might not need to meet with the other person at all - I just need to own up to it and fix myself. If it was any combination of the three, then the conversation would be very difficult because of the complexity.

As you think about any difficult conversation you are getting ready to have, here are some questions that John Maxwell recommends you ask yourself to prepare for any difficult conversations:

• Have I invested in the relationship enough to be candid with them?

• Do I demonstrate that I value them as individuals?

• Am I sure that this is their issue and not mine?

• Am I sure I'm not speaking up because I feel threatened?

• Is the issue more important than the relationship?

• Does this conversation clearly serve their interests and not just mine?

• Am I willing to invest time and energy to help them change?

• Am I willing to show them how to do something and not just say what's wrong?

• Am I willing and able to set clear, specific expectations?

• Have I previously addressed the issue or problem in a less formal setting?

If you have one or more no responses, then consider what steps you need to take to make that no a yes before you conduct that crucial conversation.

Before we move any further, is there anything that I can clarify for you?

What do you spend most of your time on?

What's your least popular opinion?

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

You don’t need to ask these questions in any specific order, and not every question fits every situation. The goal is to incorporate learner questions into your daily thinking patterns. As you regularly reference and ask queries from the list, you will find yourself traveling the learner path while opening yourself and everyone you interact with to possibility.

1. What do I want?

2. What are my choices?

3. What assumptions am I making?

4. What am I responsible for?

5. How else can I think about this?

6. What is the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?

7. What am I missing or avoiding?

8. What can I learn from this person/situation/mistake/failure/success?

9. What action steps make the most sense?

10. What questions should I ask?

11. How can I turn this into a win-win?

12. What’s possible?