Negotiations with Chris Voss

Masterclass: Negotiations with Chris Voss

References

Article: 7 Negotiating Tips From Former FBI Hostage Negotiator Chris Voss

Book: Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss

Podcast: Knowledge Project with Chris Voss: The Art of Letting Other People Have Your Way

YouTube: Negotiation Skills: Chris Voss Teaches How To Negotiate Via Email

YouTube: The Secret To Negotiating In Business & Life To Achieve Success | Chris Voss & Lewis Howes

Malloy's Masterclass Notes

Lesson 1) Tactical Empathy

Empathy is the other side's point of view.

Turn a wrestling match into a dance because it takes two to fight.

Be interested to be interesting. Interesting people are interested. Be genuinely curious to hear what they say.

Art of letting the other side have your way.

Lesson 2) Mirroring

Repeat the last 1-3 with questioning inflection. Mirror with a curious tone. They will elaborate and give more context. If confronted, try mirroring with genuine curiosity. Then, effective pause.

Dynamic silence.

Let your skill sink into their head. Your initial awkwardness at mirroring is a learning indicator. Example: fold your hands together naturally, then switch which thumb is on top. It's awkward at first, but with practice it can become natural to fold your hands with either thumb on top.

Lesson 3) Labeling

Self labeling decreases negativity sensors in the amygdala.

Make verbal observations because it is a useful tool with lots of business and personal applications.

Labeling is the most MacGuyver skill when you say "It seems/feels/looks like...[label]". Do not label with "What I'm hearing..."

Labeling triggers contemplation of your emotions. You can use labeling to reinforce positive emotions and get more of those positive emotions. When dealing with an annoyed airline attendant on the phone, you can say "I appreciate you being generous with your time" because wanted more generosity.

Steps to Labeling

1. Aware of gut instinct from other side [System 1 response]

2. Label it - "It seems/sounds/feels/looks like..." are the first three words of a label

3. Trigger contemplation, which decreases emotional intensity

4. Build relationship

5. Gather information

6. Increase trust based influence with lowest maintenance and most durable tactic

Let a good label sink in to fully deactivate the negative with silence.

Labels are cumulative. Sometimes you may need more labeling. "It sounds like there's more than meets the eye..."

Mirror + Mirror + Label + Mirror = Jabs

Feels like you are intuitively listening to the other person's point of view.

Lesson 4 was an exercise in mirroring and labeling.

Lesson 5) Mastering Delivery

Inner voice + tone speaks volumes to other person. You can convey deference, genuine curiosity, and collaboration. Don't say it like a robot.

If you can see and/or hear me, then I can hit your mirror neurons.

Late night FM DJ voice is very powerful and definitely a voice to practice in order to calm down and soothe.

Ditch your assertive tone of voice because it can create anger. Anger leaves a negative residue, which is bad for long term relationships.

Use your playful voice 80% of the time to be an accommodator. It sounds fun, a little crazy, opens a relationship by telling the truth, yet worried about how it will land, and sounds like you are smiling. Smile when you talk to make them smile.

Use your analyst voice 5% of the time