Whilst defence mechanisms are not particular to women, because women often place a higher emotional value to thoughts and experiences, they may be more prone to encounter them. Defence mechanisms, or coping mechanisms, are processes of the mind that aim to protect the self from unpleasant events. They help us adapt to people and difficult situations. Operating below the surface of our awareness, they repress, deny, and distort reality, acting as a defence against the feelings of anxiety being provoked. The job of the defence mechanism is to try to maintain a balanced and harmonious experience of life within the mind. Whilst being natural and normal psychic processes that aim to protect us, they outlive their usefulness, impeding on and restricting the healthy development of any new information and experiences in the present. We all use defence mechanisms, it is the degree to which they affect us that decides whether they are a problem, or not.

Repression

Repression is a psychological defence mechanism that involves unconsciously blocking or suppressing thoughts, memories, or emotions that are considered unacceptable or threatening. This is where painful and traumatic memories are forgotten or pushed out of the conscious mind by a defence mechanism because they are too difficult to experience and relive. Post-traumatic stress or grief and bereavement for example may involve an aspect of repression.

Some examples of repression include:

• A person who was physically abused as a child has no memory of the abuse.

• A person who witnessed a traumatic event has no memory of the details of the event.

• A person who was bullied at school has no recollection of the details of the bullying.

• A person who was in a car accident has no memory of the accident.

These examples illustrate how repression can protect a person from overwhelming or traumatic experiences by pushing them out of conscious awareness. However, the repressed memories and emotions can still affect a person's thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in subtle or indirect ways, and may require therapeutic intervention to process and heal. Whilst it is not a good idea to relive or work through every repressed traumatic memory, when they arise and disrupt our present experience, then it is best practice to. Depending on the approach, counselling and therapy may involve helping a person restore and process the memory or at least help manage the underlying issues they presently evoke. Writing a journal, observing dreams with the use of a dream diary, and talking about those aspects of the memory that can be recalled can all help towards processing repressed pain.

Denial

Denial is a psychological defence mechanism that involves refusing to accept or acknowledge the reality of a situation or emotion. This is a form of repression, but here the person copes with the problem by pretending it does not exist. 

Some examples of denial include:

• A person who has been hurt and humiliated, will use the defence mechanism of denial, by denying the fact they are mourning and unhappy inside.

• A person with a drinking problem denies that they have a problem and insists they can stop anytime they want.

• A person who has been diagnosed with a serious illness denies the severity of their condition and refuses to follow medical advice.

• A person whose partner has left them denies that the relationship is over and continues to try to contact them.

• A person who warranted being fired from their job denies that they did anything wrong and blames their employer for being unfair.

• A person whose home has been destroyed by a natural disaster denies the extent of the damage and refuses to evacuate or seek help.

These examples illustrate how denial can create a false sense of security or control, but ultimately prevent someone from addressing and resolving the underlying issues. Denial can be a coping mechanism in the short-term, but in the long-term, it can lead to further problems and complications. If denial becomes a fundamental problem when coping with the harsh realities of life counselling or therapy should be sought.

Rationalisation

Rationalisation is a defence mechanism that involves justifying or explaining away behaviour or events in a way that avoids taking responsibility or acknowledging uncomfortable truths. Here the person uses the defence mechanism of rationalisation to enable them to sidestep blame and explain away any personal responsibility, 

Some examples of rationalisation include:

• A person who has cheated on their partner rationalises the behaviour by saying their partner wasn't giving them enough attention or affection.

• A person who has been caught stealing rationalises the behaviour by saying they were just borrowing the item and intended to return it.

• A person who has failed a fair exam rationalises the behaviour by saying the test was unfair.

• A person who has been late for work every day rationalises the behaviour by saying they have a long commute or too many other responsibilities.

• A person who has an addiction rationalises the behaviour by saying they deserve a break or that they have everything under control.

• A person might blame their child for being unruly rather than admitting poor parenting.

These examples illustrate how rationalisation can distort reality and prevent us from taking responsibility or making positive changes. Rationalisation can also create a sense of entitlement, defensiveness, or resentment towards others, and may require therapeutic intervention to address and overcome.

Projection

Projection is a psychological defence mechanism that involves attributing one's own unwanted thoughts, feelings, or impulses to another person. During projection, a person tries to externalise their unacceptable impulses, personality traits, behaviours, feelings, or thoughts by projecting them on to others, or becoming very aware and agitated by the same characteristics in others.

Some examples of projection:

• A person who is jealous of their partner accuses their partner of being jealous and controlling.

• A person who tends to lie accuses others of being dishonest and untrustworthy.

• A person who is angry and hostile towards others accuses them of being aggressive and confrontational.

• A person who has a fear of rejection accuses others of not liking or accepting them.

• A person who has a secret attraction to someone accuses that person of being flirtatious or leading them on.

These examples illustrate how projection can create a distorted view of reality and lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, or damage to relationships. Projection prevents us from acknowledging and dealing with our own issues and may require us to develop insight and self-awareness.

Displacement

Displacement is a psychological defence mechanism that involves transferring feelings or impulses from one person or situation onto another that is a less threatening target. This is fundamentally displaced anger, only here the problem can run much deeper. A common example is where past negative experiences are fed into and displaced on our current relationships.

Some examples of displacement:

• A person who is angry at their boss yells at their spouse when they get home.

• A child who is frustrated with their schoolwork takes it out on their sibling by picking a fight.

• A person who is jealous of a friend's success criticizes their friend's clothing or appearance.

• A person who is afraid of confrontation complains about their job or their partner to a friend instead of addressing the real issue.

• A person who is anxious about an upcoming exam cleans their entire house instead of studying.

These examples illustrate how displacement can provide temporary relief from difficult emotions, but ultimately creates more problems or conflicts. Displacement prevents us from addressing the root cause of our feelings and may require therapeutic intervention to develop healthier coping strategies.

Reaction Formation

Reaction formation is a psychological defence mechanism that involves expressing the opposite of one's true feelings, thoughts, or impulses. This involves adopting thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are the opposite of one's true inclinations and desires.

Some examples of reaction formation:

• A person who is secretly attracted to someone of the same gender expresses strong anti-gay beliefs.

• A person who has a history of substance abuse becomes an outspoken advocate for sobriety and abstinence.

• A person who has a fear of intimacy becomes overly flirtatious and sexually suggestive in social situations.

• A person who has a history of infidelity becomes obsessively jealous and possessive of their partner.

• A person who is struggling with their faith becomes an extreme religious fundamentalist.

These examples illustrate how reaction formation can create a false or exaggerated sense of identity or belief and may be a way of avoiding or denying one's true feelings or impulses. Reaction formation can also lead to internal conflicts and contradictions and may require us to develop insight and self-awareness.

Introjection

Introjection is a psychological defence mechanism that involves internalizing the beliefs, values, or attitudes of others without question or analysis. 

During Childhood

This can be positive or negative and is a key function of learning and development in childhood. As we grow up, we adopt and assimilate the views and values of the people around us; significant figures such as parents, family members, teachers, our peer group, and sometimes those who hurt us.

The effects of a healthy introjection, depend on the compatibility (like-mindedness) of the person we identify with. In later life, we can come into conflict with aspects of ourselves that we believe to be our own when in fact they are aspects of another person’s values that we have adopted. 

These aspects often become noticeable as 'surface needs' and 'driving needs'. Surface needs and driving needs reflect the incongruity between what we have learnt to need and what our inner self really needs. Surface needs are those values, expectations and judgements that have often been imposed on us whilst driving needs are those needs and desires which are personal to us. When our choices are more in line with our inner needs and desires, we feel much happier as human beings. 

Sadly, a major problem with introjection, particularly as a defence mechanism in childhood abuse, is that the undesirable toxic elements of the abuser are adopted and assimilated. This can be seen in the patterns of children who grow up to emulate the abusive behaviours of their parents or the sexually abused child who becomes the paedophile in later life.

Other examples of introjection:

• A person who was raised in a strict religious household continues to adhere to those beliefs even though they don't agree with them.

• A person who was raised by critical parents becomes their own harshest critic and internalizes those negative messages.

• A person who was bullied in school internalizes the idea that they are weak and powerless.

• A person who was told they weren't good enough as a child internalizes that message and struggles with low self-esteem as an adult.

• A person who works in a toxic workplace internalizes the negative culture and begins to behave in ways that are not aligned with their own values.

These examples illustrate how introjection can lead to a loss of autonomy and a lack of critical thinking, as well as internal conflicts and negative self-talk. Introjection can also create a sense of identity that is based on others' opinions or expectations, rather than one's own values and beliefs, and may require therapeutic intervention to develop self-awareness, assertiveness, or self-management.

Regression

Regression is a psychological defence mechanism that involves reverting to an earlier stage of development or behaviour in response to stress or anxiety. During regression, the person appears to regress in age, back to an earlier stage in their life. This is usually a reaction to trauma, with the defence mechanism removing the person from the traumatic experience because it is too overwhelming and reverting to an age where they once felt safe, or where they will be cared for.

Some examples of regression:

• An adult who is under a great deal of stress begins to suck their thumb or bite their nails, like they did as a child.

• A person who is grieving the loss of a loved one starts speaking in a baby voice or using baby talk.

• A child who is having difficulty adjusting to a new school or a new sibling starts wetting the bed.

• A person who is overwhelmed with work or family responsibilities retreats to their childhood bedroom and spends hours playing video games or watching cartoons.

• A person who is dealing with a traumatic event starts to have nightmares or bedwetting, even if they haven't experienced those issues since childhood.

These examples illustrate how regression can provide temporary relief from stress or anxiety, but ultimately can prevent growth or progress. Regression can also lead to shame or embarrassment and may require therapeutic intervention to develop more effective coping strategies.

Coping mechanisms are human and common in all of us. We all on some level possess and will use them to cope with the harsh reality of life. Most minor mechanisms will work their way through and out of our lives as we develop a more rounded knowledge, but when they become a problem they require understanding, care and attention through either self-help or counselling and therapy.

Two mums were talking in the playground about their children. One mum says to the other, “I’m teaching my daughter how to be nice and giving at all times”. The other mum says, “I’m teaching my son to be whatever he needs to be in any given situation”.