Ambivilence & Avoidance

Whilst some ambivalence is normal, it can be both compelling and confusing. It can become a never-ending cycle of uncertainty for women who tend to avoid making decisions that cause them internal conflict, or intensify their emotional arousal. Ambivalence and avoidance can take several shapes. 

What is Ambivalence?

An ambivalent conflict is one in which opposing feelings and thoughts co-exist in the mind, for example having the feelings of both desire and dislike for the same person, object, or activity. When we have an ambivalent mindset, we find it difficult to take a decisive approach, likely due to the strength of our feelings, which we often prize highly. Avoidance feelings tend to over-power our decision, particularly those of fear and doubt.

Ambivalence tends to fluctuate:

In this situation a woman may leave a role, job, or a relationship through unhappiness, only to return when the distance between her and the problem brings a release from the emotional pressure.

Approach-Avoidance Conflict

In this situation, a goal that is both attractive but challenging, for example learning to drive, will seem attractive and desirable at a distance, but as the goal is approached the sense of fear increases and there is a tendency to withdraw and avoid the challenge. 

On withdrawal, as the woman gets further away from the goal it becomes less frightening, and the positive aspects seem more inviting than the negative ones seem forbidding. At this point the woman may approach the goal again. This explains why some women may continually be drawn back and forth into a conflict of choices; she may be unable to make a commitment to move toward her goal and carry out her desire, and in an unhealthy relationship for example, why she keeps returning.

A state of ambivalence may arise when a woman is faced with two opposing intentions, especially when the fulfilment of one will lead to the other being disappointed. Another factor that can contribute to internal conflicts is conflicting values. We may have different values that are important to us, and these values can sometimes conflict with each other. For example, we may value our family and our career, but it can be difficult to balance these two commitments. This can lead to internal conflict, as we try to decide which value is more important.

When there are several ways of approaching a particular problem or goal, if there are several options available, making a choice about which one is the most suitable can be frustrated by the complexity of our ambivalent emotional state. Reason and imagination are lost in the ascendant emotions aroused, and withdrawal follows.

Research shows that the peak of emotion occurs – right at the point where a decision is being made and a commitment finalised. Once a decision has been made, avoidance feelings decrease.

At the heart of Ambivalence is our inability to take stock of our emotion, a lack of confidence in our ability to make the right decision, and a lack of clarity about the direction of our life and (what we need to do to get there). 

Evidence has shown that in ambivalent situations, once a decision is finally made, balance is restored and there is a huge development in how we cope and adapt in future circumstances.

Making important decisions can be a difficult and stressful process. It can be hard to know what the right decision is, and there is often a lot of pressure to make the best possible choice. If you are struggling with internal conflicts during the making of an important decision, there are a few things that you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to acknowledge that these conflicts are normal. Everyone experiences internal conflicts from time to time, and it does not mean that you are weak or indecisive.

Second, it is important to take some time to reflect on your values and priorities. What is most important to you in this situation? What are you trying to achieve? Once you have a better understanding of your values and priorities, it will be easier to make a decision that is aligned with them.

Finally, it is important to remember that you do not have to make a decision right away. If you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it is okay to take some time to think things over. There is no need to rush into a decision that you may regret later.