“The sages say that all the pain of a human life is caused by words, as is all the joy. We create words to define our experience and those words bring attendant emotions that jerk us around like dogs on a leash. We get seduced by our own mantras (I'm a failure... I'm lonely... I'm a failure... I'm lonely...) and we become monuments to them. To stop them talking for a while then, is to strip away the power of those words, to liberate ourselves from those suffocating mantras.” Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love.

You have decided you want to stop the cycle of negative thoughts, emotions or over reactions but find they happen so automatically. Whether you are struggling with rumination, obsessive and negative thinking, panic attacks, anger, PTSD, or phobia, this activity can at least help you restore some of your awareness of it and how to manage it.

THE ANCHORING BRACELET

You will need a simple 6mm gemstone beaded stretch bracelet. This will become your conscious reminder that you can get lost in your automatic thoughts and responses. Try to always wear it. You will also need a small blank card to fit in your purse or bag if you are serious about changing them. 

As you will be using a distraction technique during this activity, acknowledge any strongly held memories, thoughts, and feelings in a journal. Focusing an appropriate time on those aspects that feel bad will allow you to respect, understand, and choose something better!

'Acknowledge the negative, respect it, and resolve to deal with it at the appropriate time. Permit yourself to have this useful information but decide not to be dominated by it.'

STEP ONE: ANCHOR YOURSELF & THE BRACELET

Find a time and place where you will not be disturbed, in a private room where you can sit comfortably in a chair or on a bed. When you are relaxed close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Holding your gemstone bracelet in your hands, feel the beads by rolling them in between your thumb and fingers. Make a connection with each bead. Notice how they feel. Are they cold, warm, smooth? What colour are they? Count down on 10 of your beads. Still rolling them between your fingers, count down from 10 to 1, relaxing and taking deep breaths as you go.

When you have counted your beads move your attention to your body and imagine that it is getting heavier. Think of your body as getting heavier and being pulled down by gravity into the chair, bed, or floor. Imagine your body is being anchored right where you are, in the moment, the now. Feel your connection, where your body meets the chair. Notice the sounds around and inside of you. Notice what you can hear, smell, and taste. Bring this memory and all its sensations into the now, and when you reach the peak feeling of being completely present, guide it into the beads. Imagine this presence and all its sensations are captured in the memory of the beads. Count down again from 10 to 1 on your beads, rolling them between your thumb and fingers. Keep going until you feel completely relaxed and the beads are working for you. 

STEP TWO: WHEN WHERE WHAT & WHO, TRIGGERS YOU?

Is it when you are alone? At college or work? With a certain person, or people? During situations that are tense or uncomfortable? In certain places? In certain situations? When doing certain tasks? When you are bored? Are there particular places or events that you avoid because they trigger your negative mind? 

When you are in that situation or place, what do you think, or feel? How do you feel physically? What do you do? These are all questions that you could ask yourself.

STEP THREE: A MESSAGE TO YOURSELF

Below are a choice of responses/messages to yourself that you should write on the blank card. Have it at hand at home. Carry it with you in your purse, handbag, or pocket.

Choose a message to yourself that feels most right for you and write it on the card:

1. "I respect my unhappiness, and I will resolve it at the appropriate time, but right now I choose to let it go and allow myself to think and feel better".

2. "It’s okay to feel anxious, I will work through these feelings later, but right now I choose to loosen up and let the anxiety pass".

3. "I feel angry, but I am going to pause and break before reacting so that I can respond in a way I will remain comfortable with".

4. "It’s ok to feel afraid, my emotions are activated. I am not under any real threat so right now I choose to loosen up and let my fear go".

5. "I feel bad about myself, but thoughts and feelings are not facts. It will pass in a few minutes. I can let these negative thoughts and feelings go".

6. "I am going to save my worrying thoughts for my journal. I give myself permission to have this useful information, but I choose not to be dominated by it".

STEP FOUR: IN THE DRIVING SEAT. TAKING CONTROL

To teach the mind and emotions that they cannot automatically activate, you will need to change the pattern of their behaviour. If you take this activity seriously, you will find that you only need to apply it to a few situations. The mind and emotions soon learn and are much happier with the new responses.

TAKE CONTROL

You will need to catch yourself as the thoughts and emotions begin to surface and peak. You will be able to use the information that you have gathered in step two to prepare yourself for triggers.

When you catch yourself, start to touch the beads on your bracelet. Slowly count down from 10 to 1 on your beads. Intentionally roll each bead in between your thumb and fingers, and at the same time feel the gravity anchoring your body. If walking, slow down. If driving, pull over. When you reach 1, get your white card and read your new response, giving it genuine thought. Breathe deeply and follow through with the action. After contemplating your new response and feeling the activation diminish go about your business as normal. Continue to repeat this until you feel the new pattern of behaviour happens without aid.

It is all about patterns that have formed in our minds. We simply cannot wish away these patterns; we must replace them with something better!