Cognitive distortions are faulty patterns of automatic thought. Similar in nature to Defence Mechanisms they act as filters, distorting the truth with ideas and beliefs that are usually self-defeating and inconsistent with reality. They can colour large areas of our lives and our behaviour within it, often destructive in the sense that they block out the possibility and inhibit our ability to see the positives in things. Cognitive distortions are not particular to women, but they are none the less helpful when observing negative beliefs, behaviours, and thoughts, that we might not be aware of.

Catastrophising

Catastrophising refers to a type of negative thinking pattern where one imagines and anticipates the worst possible outcomes for a situation.

Here a minor incident or indiscretion is viewed as a major crisis or disaster. It can be very convincing and destructive especially to self-esteem. This pattern of thought can leave a person beating themselves up over trivial incidents and feed into other irrational thoughts and inferiorities. For example, you make a minor mistake during an interview and spend the next few days convincing yourself that everyone thinks you are a complete idiot. Another might involve being turned down for a date and believing there must be something seriously wrong with you. 

Some examples include:

• "I can't believe I failed that test. I'm never going to pass this class, and I'm going to end up dropping out of college."

• "My boss looked at me funny today. They probably hate me, and I'm going to get fired."

• "I have a headache. I must have a brain tumour."

• "I haven't heard from my friend in a while. They must be mad at me, and our friendship is over."

• "My partner hasn't texted me back in an hour. They must have been in a car accident."

These examples illustrate how catastrophising can lead to irrational and extreme thoughts about a situation or event. It can cause unnecessary stress, anxiety, and negative emotions.

This pattern of catastrophising convinces you that normal and typical situations are not that at all, they are a catastrophe on some personal level.

Black & White Thinking

Black and white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive distortion that involves seeing things in extreme terms of either "all" or "nothing."

Here you may find yourself taking things to the extremes. Unable to see the middle ground, dichotomous assumptions occur. For example, if someone does not show you love, that must mean they do not love you. You may go on a diet and instead of eating sensibly, eat nothing at all. You may judge yourself as either being a brilliant success, or an utter failure. Think your body is either perfect, or ugly.

Some examples include:

• "If I can't do something perfectly, there's no point in doing it at all."

• "I made a mistake, so I'm a failure."

• "If they don't agree with me, then they must be against me."

• "If I'm not the best at something, then I'm a total loser."

• "I have to be in complete control of everything, or else everything will fall apart."

These examples demonstrate how black and white thinking can lead to rigid, inflexible, and unrealistic views of oneself and the world. It can create unnecessary pressure, self-criticism, and feelings of inadequacy. Here there is a lack of realism. The normal grey areas in life, the middle ground is removed and replaced with an excessive sweeping belief.

Fortune Telling

Fortune telling is a cognitive distortion that involves predicting negative outcomes or events that haven't happened yet. Here you might believe you know what the outcome will be. Here we expect and plan for things to turn out negative when in reality we live in a trial-and-error paradigm, it can go either way. 

Some examples of negative fortune telling patterns include:

• "I just know that I'm going to fail this exam. There's no point in studying for it."

• "I'm not going to get the job. I'm probably going to fail the interview."

• "I'm never going to find someone who loves me. I'm destined to be alone forever."

• "This date is going to be a disaster. I just know it."

• "I'm going to make a fool of myself if I speak up in that meeting. It's better if I just stay quiet."

These examples illustrate how fortune telling can lead to negative expectations and self-fulfilling prophecies. It can create anxiety, hopelessness, and prevent someone from taking positive action or seeing alternative possibilities. You may make negative assumptions about people or events, expecting the experience to be unpleasant. You may avoid situations that would otherwise feel, and be, positive.

Mind Reading

Mind reading is a cognitive distortion that involves making assumptions about what other people are thinking, without any evidence or communication to support the assumption.

This is like fortune telling, only here the person believes they know what the other person is thinking, and it is usually negative. It is particularly destructive in relationships where we make assumptions about what our partner is feeling, instead of asking. We may assume the worst and imagine people are harbouring harmful thoughts about us. We may imagine someone is angry with us when their anger is due to something else completely. 

Examples of mind reading include:

• "She didn't say hi to me this morning. She must be mad at me."

• "He didn't respond to my text. He's probably ignoring me on purpose."

• "They're probably talking about me behind my back."

• "I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he thinks I'm incompetent."

• "She didn't laugh at my joke. She probably thinks I'm not funny."

These examples illustrate how mind reading can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and unnecessary assumptions about others' thoughts and intentions. It can create anxiety, self-doubt, and affect one's relationships with others. We may miss out on positive and fruitful relationships, never really knowing what the other person was really thinking or feeling.

Feelings Are Not Facts

Our thoughts and feelings appear so immediate and true. We automatically hold our interpretation of events as truth. We assume that the mind gives correct, clear, and unquestionable feedback, but this is not the case at all. The negative patterns that already exist in us colour our perceptions, like those of stress, and depression, as does lack of sleep, or illness. It is human nature to want an explanation for why something hurts, or why we feel bad about something, and it is common for us to assign immediate judgements and unsupported explanations.

Here are some examples of "feelings are not facts" distortions:

• "I feel like everyone hates me. Therefore, everyone must hate me."

• "I feel anxious about going to the party. Therefore, the party must be dangerous or unsafe."

• "I feel like I'm going to fail the test. Therefore, I must be unprepared."

• "I feel guilty about not doing more for my family. Therefore, I must be a bad person."

• "I feel like something bad is going to happen. Therefore, something bad must be happening or will happen."

These examples illustrate how feelings can be based on faulty assumptions, biases, or past experiences, rather than objective evidence. It is important to remember that feelings are subjective, and can change, and they don't always reflect reality.

Over Generalisation

Over generalisation is a cognitive distortion that involves making sweeping conclusions based on one or a few isolated incidents. Here we make sweeping assumptions about things, people, situations, and ourselves. 

Here are some examples of overgeneralization:

“I tried an art class once many years ago, I was rubbish at it then, so I am not trying that again.” 

• “John is bad so all men must be bad.” 

• “The last time I stood up for myself it backfired so I will just put up with it.”

• “There was a break-in at my neighbours, so I am going to stay in for the next week.”

• "I failed one test, so I'm a failure at everything."

• "Nobody ever listens to me. I always get ignored."

• "I made a mistake in my presentation, so I'm terrible at public speaking."

• "All men/women are the same. They're all untrustworthy."

• "I got rejected from one job, so I'm never going to find a job."

These examples illustrate how overgeneralization can lead to self-limiting beliefs and negative attitudes towards oneself or others. It can create a sense of hopelessness and prevent someone from seeing alternative perspectives or opportunities. Over generalisation is based on minor evidence and minor experiences. Before we know it, we can find ourselves not living at all!

Labelling

Labelling is a cognitive distortion that involves assigning global and negative labels to oneself or others based on one's behaviour or characteristics. This is about judgement. How we tend to label people, including ourselves, as either good or bad. This can extend to places, things, situations, environments, jobs etc. Most people are a mix of both, as are most things.

Here are some examples of labelling:

• "I'm a loser because I failed that one test."

• "He's a liar because he told one lie."

• "She's so selfish because she didn't share her food with me."

• "I'm an idiot because I made a mistake."

• "They're all crazy because they have a different opinion than me."

These examples illustrate how labelling can create rigid and extreme views of oneself or others based on limited information. It can also lead to self-fulfilling prophecies, where someone behaves in ways consistent with the negative label they have assigned to themselves or others.

Inflexibility

Inflexibility is a cognitive distortion that involves rigid and inflexible thinking patterns, and a resistance to change or alternative perspectives. Inflexibility refers to the inability to adjust thinking in response to changing situations. People with inflexible mindsets find it hard to adjust or to overcome thinking that has become habitual. This is often associated with words such as 'must' 'need' 'should' 'wish' and 'want'. Inflexibility restricts understanding and awareness of possible options and alternatives that could be beneficial. For example, a person may be convinced that things ‘should always be that way’. They are unable to accept that things do not always go according to plan, or one set of rules, and that by changing that thought, new possibilities may appear.

Some examples of inflexibility:

• "I always do things this way. There's no point in trying something new."

• "I can't do that. It's just not me."

• "I'm not good at this, and I never will be."

• "That's just the way things are. It's never going to change."

• "I don't like that idea. It goes against my beliefs, and I won't even consider it."

These examples illustrate how inflexibility can create self-limiting beliefs and prevent someone from exploring new opportunities or perspectives. It can also lead to a sense of rigidity and stubbornness that can impact one's relationships with others.

Being Closed Minded

Being closed-minded is a cognitive distortion that involves a refusal to consider alternative perspectives, ideas, or beliefs. Being closed-minded is a form of mental filtering, where a person desires to cling onto what feels comfortable and safe. The person is unmoving, even when presented with evidence to the contrary, even evidence that is in their interest. Here the person has convinced their self that any new information presents a threat and should therefore be discarded. An example of being closed-minded is the person who refuses to accept that there is a better and easier way of performing a task, or who refuses to accept new developments and opportunities because they have a set way of operating.

Some examples of closed-mindedness:

• "I don't care what you have to say. I'm right, and you're wrong."

• "I've always believed this, and I'm not going to change my mind."

• "That's just stupid. I'm not even going to listen to it."

• "I don't trust anything that goes against my beliefs."

• "I don't want to hear your opinion. It doesn't matter to me."

These examples illustrate how being closed-minded can limit someone's ability to learn and grow and lead to intolerance and prejudice towards others. It can create a sense of rigidity and stubbornness that can impact one's relationships with others.

Disqualifying The Positive

Disqualifying the positive is a cognitive distortion that involves dismissing or discounting positive experiences or accomplishments and focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation. This is like being closed-minded only here the person disqualifies the positive. For example, you attend a training course and get a fantastic result but when praised for your outcome you immediately credit your success to the help of a friend, and not your own. If we have a negative opinion of our self, we will discard the positive to make it fit with our own negative belief.

Some examples of disqualifying the positive:

• "I got an A on my test, but it was an easy test, so it doesn't really count."

• "I got a compliment on my work, but it was probably just out of pity."

• "I had a good time on my vacation, but it was too short and not perfect."

• "I lost five pounds, but I still have a lot more to lose."

• "I did well in the game, but it was just luck, and I'm not really that good."

These examples illustrate how disqualifying the positive can create a negative and self-critical mindset and prevent someone from acknowledging and celebrating their successes. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, even when things are going well.

Low Frustration Tolerance

Low frustration tolerance is a cognitive distortion that involves having difficulty tolerating discomfort, frustration, or delay of gratification. Low frustration tolerance arises from the underlying belief that things should always be easy and satisfying. Here the person demands to be special, perfect, and/or outstanding, or the only other alternative, inadequate. The person finds it unbearably difficult when faced with the harsh reality that conditions will not always cater to them. 'I must have an easy life, I must be perfect, and people and conditions should always cater to me.' Unfortunately, this kind of thinking frequently results in escapism as the person cannot find the determination to push forward. The expectations and the outcomes are set too high, and the frustrations too anxiety-provoking.

Some examples of low frustration tolerance:

• "I can't stand being stuck in traffic. This is driving me crazy!"

• "I have to have it now! Waiting is too hard!"

• "I can't handle this. It's too much for me to deal with."

• "I'm never going to be able to do this. It's just too difficult."

• "This is so boring. I can't stand it."

These examples illustrate how low frustration tolerance can lead to impulsive behaviour, emotional reactivity, and difficulty coping with stress and discomfort. It can also prevent someone from developing resilience and persistence, and lead to avoidance or procrastination of challenging tasks.

Personalising

Personalising is a cognitive distortion that involves assuming that one is responsible for events or situations that are beyond their control or influence. 

Some examples of personalizing:

• "My boss didn't like my presentation. It must be because I'm a terrible employee."

• "My friend cancelled our plans. It's probably because they don't like me."

• "The traffic is terrible today. I should have left earlier."

• "My partner is in a bad mood. I must have done something to upset them."

• "I didn't get the job. It's because I'm not good enough."

These examples illustrate how personalising can create a sense of guilt, shame, or self-blame, even when someone is not responsible for the situation. It can lead to a negative self-image and a sense of powerlessness and prevent someone from taking appropriate action or seeking support. This person will blame all disasters on themselves. If it goes wrong, it must be their fault.

When we are struggling with low self-esteem, depression, procrastination, or are simply finding ourselves unable to get on in life and relationships, it is a good idea to observe how we might be distorting reality in our day to day lives. Often cognitive distortions are completely unconscious, we are not aware of our thoughts and to change them we need to become mindful of their presence and stop them in their tracks before further damage is done.