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• General/vague comment not linked to the question

• General/vague use of quotes not linked to the question

• Difficult to read/follow and doesn't show understanding of the question

The writer uses the words ‘a sleepy ball’ to describe his son as a baby. The phrase makes you think his son is sleepy.

• Tries to talk about the effect of language/words on self/reader

• Picks out some quotes that back up points made

• Might not be fully clear or doesn't fully explain how they got to their conclusion

The writer uses imagery in the phrase ‘a sleepy ball of scrunched-up flesh’ to describe what his son looked like when he was a baby. This suggests that the baby is curled up and doesn’t really look like a person. When he says ‘scrunched-up’ you can imagine what the baby looks like as it will be all wrinkled. 

• Clearly explains the effects of specific language on self/reader

• Uses a range of quotes that back up points made

• Paragraphs are completely clear and fully links the quote to their point/conclusion

The writer starts with a comparison to describe his new born baby son as ‘a sleepy ball of scrunched-up flesh’. The image of a ’sleepy ball’ gives a sense of the baby curled up, cosy and snuggled, whilst the phrase ‘scrunched-up flesh’ shows how difficult it was to make out his son’s features. The adjective ‘scrunched’ suggests that the baby’s face is crumpled and creased like a piece of scrunched up paper.

• In depth analysis of the effects of a range of specific language on reader

• Uses a range of well selected quotes to provide opportunities for in depth analysis

• Explanations link to wider themes/topics in the text and how the language contributes to creating these

The writer uses metaphorical language to describe his son as ‘a sleepy ball’,  by  making a comparison between the child and a sleepy ball,  the author is providing the reader with an endearing image of a contented infant curled up, still in the fetal position, suggesting he is very newly born. The adjective ‘sleepy’ conjures up the image of the peace and tranquility associated with a drowsy baby and a sense of innocence. The phrase ‘scrunched-up flesh’ sounds affectionate but comical, and implies that the child’s individual features are unformed and unrecognisable – he looks just like any other baby.