P1 Q2 Feedback

• General/vague comment not linked to the question

• General/vague use of quotes not linked to the question

• Difficult to read/follow and doesn't show understanding of the question

The flowers are described as being pretty. This helps us visualise it.

• Tries to talk about the effect of language/words on self/reader

• Picks out some quotes that back up points made

• Might not be fully clear or doesn't fully explain how they got to their conclusion

The spring flowers on the mountains ‘peep out from their hiding places’. The writer uses the verb ‘peep’ to tell us that the flowers are scared to come out.

• Clearly explains the effects of specific language on self/reader

• Uses a range of quotes that back up points made

• Paragraphs are completely clear and fully links the quote to their point/conclusion

The writer says the mountain flowers ‘peep out from their hiding places’ in spring. This suggests the flowers have been buried all through the winter, just waiting for the right time of year to grow. The verb ‘peep’ suggests that now it is warm enough, the flowers can peek out of the ground and show themselves.

• In depth analysis of the effects of a range of specific language on reader

• Uses a range of well selected quotes to provide opportunities for in depth analysis

• Explanations link to wider themes/topics in the text and how the language contributes to creating these

The writer’s choice of language to describe the mountain area creates contrasting tones for different seasons. In spring, the flowers are said to ‘peep out from their hiding places’. This personifies the flowers, implying they have been secretly hiding all through the winter, lying dormant beneath the ground just waiting for the right time of year to blossom. When it is warm enough, they show tiny signs of life by tentatively pushing their way through the earth and peeking around. Language used to describe the mountain area in the summer is far more negative. ‘The sun has flattened the land into submission’ conveys the sun is so intense that it has overwhelmed the land, crushing any sign of green life out of it so that all that now remains is scorched brown.