P1 Q3 Feedback

• General/vague comments on the structure used by the author

• General/vague use of examples from the text

• General/vague identifying of the structure e.g. might simply narrate or repeat the story

The text begins with Alice so the reader knows what she is thinking and feeling, and then switches to describing the place and how hot it is. Then later she talks about her friends in the main camp. 

• Tries to talk about the effect of the structure used by the author

• Picks out some examples that back up points made

• Attempts to explain how the structure interests the reader

At the beginning of the text, the writer focuses our attention on the character of Alice. She can see the ‘heat haze’ shimmering and is drinking her water ‘in great gulps’, so straight away the reader learns where she is and that she’s really hot. This is interesting as it makes us wonder where Alice is.

• Explains clearly the effect of the structure used by the author

• Uses a range of examples that back up points made

• Clear and accurate explanations of how the author has interested the reader

At the beginning, the writer focuses our attention on  the character of Alice and, in particular, her surroundings. We learn that ‘the heat haze shimmers’ below her and ‘above her, the sky is an endless blue’. This emphasises that she is in a wide and open area, and makes the reader think at this point that maybe she’s alone in the mountains of France. This is interesting as the environment sounds very harsh that Alice is in and it is clearly having an effect on Alice due to how she's gulping water. This engages me as it makes me wonder why Alice is there all alone and if she'll be ok despite the harsh conditions.

• In depth analysis of the effects of a range of different ways that the author has structured the text

• Uses a range of well selected examples to provide opportunities for in depth analysis

• Notices and explains subtle ways that the author has engaged the reader (usually able to identify how this links to the overall plot).

The writer begins and ends the text by focusing on a single character, Alice, in the mountains of France. After the narrow focus of the opening line, where she is drinking water ‘in great gulps’ due to the heat, it immediately zooms out to show a panoramic view, with the heat haze shimmering ‘below’ Alice and ‘above her’, the endless blue sky. This early emphasis on her immediate surroundings could make it appear initially as if she is alone in a vast, endless space. However, as the text develops, the setting alternates between two locations, the higher slope where Alice is digging and the lower slopes where her colleagues are in the main camp, so we understand that she is part of a group. The final paragraph echoes the first, except now, because the ‘sun climbs higher in the sky, and the temperature rises’, the uncomfortable conditions are even more intense. This engages us as the situation is difficult for Alice already but it is continuing to become more intense and at the end of the text Alice is alone! This makes us worry for her safety as if things get worse there'll be no one to help her.