“I’m not sure I can do this” is what I thought as we walked into our home for the very first time with our baby. Questions like “what now” and “do they really just expect us to know how to care for this child all on our own” filled my head. I had wanted this for so long, to be a mother, to finally be out of that hospital but here we were and I felt so inadequate with a long healing journey of my own ahead and a premie in need of constant care, two plus hours from most of my family and the first of my friends to have a baby.I wish I knew then what I do now. I wish I knew how normal these feelings are and that all would find its way of working itself out. When I look back I can clearly see that stress and anxiety were my biggest enemies and I wish I had utilized more support and leaded into enjoying my journey instead of just trying to survive it. It is part of what led me to the work I do now as a Postpartum Doula. I want more for moms. I want less stress and more caress. Let me share my top three things to keep in mind if you feel like I did. 

Remember that you are learning and growing too.

Chances are, you are not going to get everything right and that is okay. This is new. You are learning a new skill and just like all other skills, It takes time to master. I promise, you are not going to “mess up your child” with one bad day or being off schedule for the night. The focus right now is to get through the day with as much ease as possible. At the end of each day think about what you want to do better, try tackling one priority at a time and when you get it established then work on the next. Eventually you will find yourself exactly where you want to be and thriving as a mother. For now, give yourself all the grace.

Take it one day at a time, maybe even one moment at a time. 

The days in postpartum can all seem to bleed together and feel like a never ending web that you will never escape. This is overwhelm, most likely due to being over tired. It is hard to have perspective and see the big picture when our body is depleted and we are running on empty. Take a deep breath and focus in on just this moment. Tell yourself, “I can do anything for a day”. When looking ahead to the next, consider your needs and reach out for support. Can you ask a grandparent to stop in on the way home from work and let you get a nap? Can a friend meet you for a walk so you can get some sunshine and conversation?

Seeking help is a sign of strength not weakness.

Asking for help does not mean you are failing or inadequate so let go of that lie right now. You do not have to figure this out on your own. Seek guidance from a mentor you respect and can be honest with. Consider all your resources as tools of strength that can help assist you in being the best mom you can be. That could be anything from a postpartum doula, nanny, housecleaner, takeout food or church group. Whoever and whatever you have available to you that helps you rest, recover, gain nutrition and a positive mindset is a good thing! Be honest with your partner about what you are feeling good about and what you need help with. Check in with each other daily and work as a team. 

Look at you. Just the fact that you are reading this, lets me know you’ve got this. You are already seeking support and better. You will find your way too. May it be marked with more joy, rest and enjoyment than you could have ever anticipated.