Vulnerability

Jesus invites us into a community where his way of life is put into practice. As we share honestly with one another, confessing sins and celebrating victory, we experience that transformation that comes through participating in the life of Jesus. But it can often be difficult to get comfortable sharing on a deep and honest level with one another. Many of us would prefer to keep things on the surface where it feels safe. But it's through the risk of vulnerability that we experience the safety and security of being fully known and loved for who we are. Here are a few ideas from our comGroup leaders to cultivate a safe environment for vulnerability.


DEFINE EXPECTATIONS

Many people have been involved in groups or communities that stayed on a surface level of sharing. It can be helpful to communicate clearly what people can expect when they check out your comGroup. Be clear that your group is focused on sharing honestly and vulnerably with one another. This can be done through articulating some of your core values (e.g. sharing life together, being open and honest) when new people visit.


EMBRACE THE AWKWARD SILENCE

As uncomfortable as it can be to sit quietly while you wonder if anyone is ever going to answer the question you just asked, that silence is a gift. Believe it or not, some people are actually using this time to think deeply about the question you asked or to work up the courage to share something vulnerable. It's tempting to fill in the silence with another question or your own answer; resist it. Try counting to 20 silently in your head before you break the silence.


CONSIDER THE SIZE OF YOUR GROUP

Large groups are exciting. When 15 or 20 people are all gathered together to discuss a passage or pray, they can bring a lot of energy. But energetic conversation doesn't always mean quality conversation. It can be difficult to break beyond surface-level sharing with a larger group. There is no right number of people to be in a comGroup, but your job as a leader is to know how the size of your group is affecting the depth of your sharing. Pay attention to who doesn't get a chance to speak and how often people share vulnerably about their life with God.


GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE IN YOUR GROUP

Creating a safe space to share vulnerably can take a lot of time. It's beneficial to spend time getting to know the people in your group on a deeper level. Someone may not be comfortable sharing vulnerably with the entire group just yet, but they may open up with you over a cup of coffee or dinner. Make time to connect with your people one on one to create trust between the two of you. This will make it easier for them to open up with the rest of the group.


CALL ON PEOPLE BY NAME

Spending one-on-one time with the members of your group also gives you a chance to learn how to interact with them during group time. Some people have a hard time getting a word in during the discussion, especially if others in the group are very talkative. Calling on someone to ask if they have anything to say can give quieter folks an opportunity to contribute to the group. Knowing your people is essential.


SET GUIDELINES AROUND GIVING ADVICE

One of the things that is most likely to keep people from sharing vulnerably in your comGroup is a fear of being judged. One of the most common ways people feel judged is being given unwanted advice when they share a struggle. Your job is to protect your people against those things that would hinder honest sharing. Set up some guidelines around judgement or advice, such as:

    • Only give advice when it is asked for
    • Ask permission before giving advice
    • Save advice for a one-on-one after group
    • Pray for someone before giving them advice

FOLLOW THE TANGENT... SOMETIMES

In case you didn't know, you should never feel like you have to get through every question on the Q's & Cues. Some of the best vulnerable moments have come from ditching the Q's and following a tangent that comes up during the conversation. When you groups gets excited about a particular topic or someone shares something personal that needs special attention it's important to be sensitive to that. Your job as a leader is to discern when it is the right time to stick to the questions and when it is the right time to set them aside to go deeper on one issue. Not every tangent is worth following but there are some that you don't want to miss.


BE A VULNERABLE LEADER

People will learn how to share from you as the leader. If you keep things on the surface when you share, the rest of your group is likely to follow your lead. Model vulnerability to the people in your comGroup. Be honest about your struggles. Confess your sin to your group. Ask for prayer about what's really going on in your life. As you begin to model this and set a tone of honesty and safety in your comGroup, your people will learn that they can do that same.


QUICK IDEAS

  • Try splitting up into men and women to pray once in a while.
  • Text your people throughout the week to stay connected and build the relationship.
  • Pay attention when people are sharing. Sometimes the right follow-up question can allow someone to open up.