Warning Signs
What Should I Do?
Q. One of my children hates her Waldorf school, the other one loves it. They have different likes and dislikes about many things, not just school, but still I'm having trouble sorting things out.
A. Children don't always know what is best for them. Some will hate the best of schools, some will love the worst. It is usually up to parents to make the right decisions for their children. This is easier said than done, of course.
Often, children's feelings change, and what they like today becomes boring or even detestable to them tomorrow. Giving children support and love can often guide them through these ups and downs. Still, when a child develops a strong aversion to something, you should always be alert for indications of significant underlying problems.
A child may express excessive dislike of a school or, alternatively, excessive dependence on that school. Sometimes there may be indications that the child is being overly influenced or psychologically wounded. Signs pointing to either or both extremes may include the following:
• extreme reluctance to attend or leave the school
• scorn of, and/or inability to cope with, things outside the school environment
• eating disorders
• nightmares, weeping, or hysterics at night
• expressions of hatred directed at teachers or classmates — or the reverse, unrealistic adulation
• expressions of pleasure, or fear, at the "presence" of unseen beings
• claims of bullying or other forms of victimization at the school
• refusal to meet and play with children from other schools
• lethargy, persistent confusion, or increasing aimlessness
• apparent lies or gross exaggerations told about the school, pro or con
• increasing withdrawal or uncommunicativeness
• worsening irrationality, superstition, or inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality
• defensiveness, anger, intolerance
• hostility directed at yourself
• drug use.
Probably the worst thing you can do is to ignore such signs, even if the conclusion you reach is that a child should stay in his/her current school.
You may make different decisions for different children. If you are convinced that a child should stay put, then at a minimum you should hold in-depth discussions with faculty and counselors at the school.
Try to ensure that you really understand what the child is going through and make your best efforts to formulate the right decisions for the child. Take every step necessary to discover what is wrong, and then fix it if this is at all possible.
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Generally, the main influence a Waldorf school is likely to have is to lead a child toward a deeply mystical (occult, astrological, spiritualistic) view of reality. If this is what you want for your child, then a Waldorf school may be a good fit. If not, you may want to enroll your child elsewhere.
Please note that I am not a professional counselor. Do not substitute my advice for that of fully qualified counselors, child psychologists, physicians, etc. Seek the very best advice and help you can find.
— Roger Rawlings
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To consult the experiences of other Waldorf parents, see