Wordiness:
Bad: Bound by the sacramental vows of matrimony, Ethan is fully aware of the significance of remaining loyal to one's wife and also of the stigma associated with mistreatment of her.
Better: Bound by marriage vows, Ethan understands what will happen to him if he is disloyal to his wife.
Bad: Due to the fact that we must all share in...
Better: Because we must...
Slang/Colloquialisms:
Avoid: When you face an opponent across the line from you, a lot of different things pass through your mind.
Better: When I face an opponent across the line, a lot of different things pass through my mind.
Sentence Variety:
Before: I started playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I learned about the effort needed to improve myself. I began to love music.
Revised: I started playing piano when I was eight. From the beginning, I worked hard to lern difficult pieces, and this struggle taught me the effort needed for self-improvement. My work with the piano nourished my love for music.
Passive Voice:
Passive-voice expressions use verb phrases that include a form of to be (is, are, was, were, am, be, been). Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem flat and uninteresting; sentences in active voice express ideas more clearly and concisely.
Weak: I will be prepared for college as a result of the lessons my mother taught me.
Better: My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college.
Don't Thesaurize:
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star" is preferable to "scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minifield."
Show, Don't Tell:
OK: I developed a new compassion for the disabled.
Good: Whenever I had the chance to help the disabled, I did so happily.
Better: The next time Mrs. Cooper asked me to help her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her by the arm.
Avoid Clichés and Trim the Fat:
I believe that, I think that, It is essential that, Definitely true, The fact is that, In conclusion, In summary...
Avoid Redundant Doubles:
hard work and effort
teamwork and cooperation
dreams and aspirations
growth and development
objectives and goals
worries and concerns
heartaches and anxiety
love and caring
tried and true