Bitterness

(DISCLAIMER: this is written from my personal experiences.  Other people, other Peers, will disagree with what I have written here)

Let's be clear for a moment.  

Many people harbor great bitterness in their hearts, for they feel that they have worked long and hard, but no recognition has been bestowed upon them. It feels insanely unfair to have given so much effort for a perceived lack of reward. 

That is a valid feeling.  Of course it is.  Bitterness can make the largest glory feel hollow.  

It is deeply hurtful to feel passed over, to be ignored.  It can hurt even more when this is your hobby, your home. These people that you idolize, that you love, seem to not accept you into the exclusive part of the club.  

This particular post is not about the causes of bitterness in the SCA, perhaps I will write about that later.  

This post is about how bitterness can be seen from the other side.  

Because some people deal with bitterness in a certain way. Other individuals use bitterness to reach above. 

Bitterness can be a fuel.  There are many who now sit on a Peerage council because they have gone through the bitterness, have learned from it, have made it their ally instead of their enemy.  

I would certainly never say that it is bitterness itself that a council is looking at.  Instead, it is the reaction to that pressure.  Did the person deal with the pressure in private or in public?  Did the person use it to do bigger and better things? 

So, I would like you to reverse the perspective for a second.  Imagine that you sit on the Laurel council.  Each candidate made will be several things to you:

A. This person will be an example of the Peerage you are a part of. Every acerbic word they utter will be attributed to you as well.  Every time that person is mean, or dishonorable, every time that person hurts someone, that action will be magnified to apply to all Laurels, including yourself.  

B. You will have to work with this person, forever. You will have to convince them to vote yes for candidates you care about.  You will have to cooperate with them, discuss in a civil manner with them, and just simply be in a small room, every few months, for the rest of your life.   

So, ask yourself, how much do you trust that person?  How well have they dealt with the slings and arrows so far?  

If that person's response to hard work is to become hard, bitter, to lash out, to retreat and deny others their knowledge, then how will that person deal with the challenge of being a Peer? 

Being a Peer is highly challenging. It is not just a title, it is a job and a state of being.  The first few years are especially taxing.  A Peerage changes every relationship.  Those around you will be jealous, they will see you as stepping stone to their own advancement.  You will suddenly have to keep a thousand and one secrets, from everyone you care about.  

In addition, the expectations of you have just multiplied by a thousand-fold.  Any misstep is now attributed to hundreds of others besides yourself.  How will you handle that?

Your work is also expected to be 100% exemplary, all the time.  Very often, Laurels who engage in experimentation in new fields, who have an off day, or who just plain mess up are judged harshly and publicly.  To whom will you turn when you hear people say you should never have gotten your Peerage, look at that HEM!

YOU are now the example, in all cases, at all times.  Stagger to the biffy in plastic shoes...Mistress so-and-so says plastic shoes are totally appropriate to wear at events!  Run out of fabric and end up with funky stripes in a dress?  Mistress so-and-so made one, so it must indicate a new find! Let's ALL make them!  

So.

Here you are, sitting in Laurel council.  A candidate has been presented.  You have seen what they can make, and how they research, and people have talked about them as a person.  How do you decide if this person is going to be a good Laurel?  Someone you can work with forever, someone who will continue to increase in their knowledge, their skill, their teaching scope? The only input you have is their patterns of behavior in the past.  

Here is a time for honesty.  

Look at your friends.

Look at yourself.  

Who, in ten years, will be a really good Peer? 

One that handled the pressure, one that is making amazing works, one that is imparting knowledge and still learning themselves.  

Do you wish this intense scrutiny and pressure on them?  Will it help them?  Can they do this, and do it well? 

Now is the time.  Their Majesties ask.  Raise your hand and vote, yes or no.