My Story

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 11:56 AM
~mY stoRy~ how i have come to know God 
if you are curious as to 
why i am the way i am, 
here it is...
in third person...

the past
a long time ago 
in a land far away, 
there lived a small boy 
who was unusually sensitive. 
he was completely honest, 
and the thought of true loss
brought him to the conclusion 
that he would never stop crying, 
he would be the boy 
that cried forever.

but the day came 
that he did things 
of which he could not speak. 
this lead to 
the beginning of the distance.
with exposure to a church 
came questions.
these questions he could not ask 
for there were no answers 
any man could give him.

learning about forgiveness
he knew Jesus died 
for the forgiveness of sins
and thought 
almost anything was forgivable
and that his family 
needed forgiveness.

he was afraid of people
and people often saw this 
partially due to 
his terrifying dreams

he memorized a verse, 
which was required of him.  
he thought to memorize 
one not easily forgotten.
he did not know 
what this meant 
but did not care:

"Ask and it will be 
given to you 
seek and you will find
knock and the door 
will be opened to you.
For everyone 
who asks receives

he who seeks finds
and to him who knocks
the door will be opened."

the pit of despair
a time came 
that he fell into a hole
not a literal one, 
one in his mind
he was drawn to music 
to ease his fear
in the basement 
in which he lived.
nearly always dreaming 
of death and loss
occasionally a dream 
would come true
causing him to believe 
others may as well...

it turned that his friends 
would hurt themselves 
in many ways
and he feared 
for their lives often

the search
and so he began 
his spiritual search
he began to see 
coincidences often, 
revealing the reality 
of spiritual existance, 
that supernatural things occur.
his counselor recommended
that he read 
a book about coincidences...

he came to meditate 
and become aware
in almost every way he could...
to whatever the truth may be

the need of a greater love
he also became aware 
of his inability to help others
in certain situations,
and that on his own
in loving everyone
he would exhaust himself

the verse
every so often
the verse he remembered 
about the door
would come back to him
he thought to himself 
that it must be something spiritual
pressing on
day after day, 
he sought universal truth
he was convinced 
it would be in meditation
that could change everything
so that all could 
love as they should

reading in the right light

he came upon a certain book 
about meditations one day. 
in the book the author mentioned 
an uncle who was a christian 
who healed others by faith 
and that people 
could read the bible 
but perhaps may not 
in the right light...

the search
he reflected and thought
that he may have done that
so he turned on 
the christian radio
which he had never before 
really listened
he hated the music
but kept listening

the gospel
he heard the gospel
that Jesus died 
so sin could be forgiven 
and that He rose from the dead 
and that will live in your heart
and that you can ask Him 
to come into your heart.

receiving Jesus

so he went to his apartment that night
and in his bedroom he prayed
he turned from his mind from sin
and asked Jesus to come into his heart

freedom of heart
he experienced what he 
had been trying to do
through all the meditations for years
he realized that it had been sin 
weighing on his heart

the light in which it was written
he cared not so much 
for what people had to say
about the words of God
but he asked The Lord
as he came to find Him to be
to open his heart 
to what He has to show him 
in His word

seeking in God's word
he began reading the new living translation 
and came to find

"The Word of God is living and active" 

and many stories of people 
experiencing God's word 
in "our daily bread"
and in His word, 
eventually from beginning to end
He lead him to find
that he could depend on Him
and that He would always hit him 
with exactly what He needs to hear 

learning by the holy spirit
he came to find that he 
received the holy spirit 
and that he needed to be ready for miracles 
he knew no other christians 
that sought God 
he feared churches and their leaving out 
parts of God's word 
so he became grounded 
in the Word of God

he later prayed about studying with others 
and was lead to a bible study 
by someone he never even asked 
at a coffee shop after showing his apartment 
that was like the one down the hall for rent 
after they saw a verse.
he came to pray and learn with others. 
it seemed awkward at first, 
but he came to love 
seeking God's will with others.

baptism the next step
he came to find that 
Jesus said to be baptized 
so he met a guy at the laundromat, 
went to his house and 
was baptized in the name of Jesus.  
when he was asked what he had to say 
"i don't have to fear anymore" 
is what came to him.

walking with God
he is still to this day seeking God and 
sharing with others the hope 
and life that he has found 
through seeking the truth 
and has come to see The Lord 
faithfully finishing what He has begun 
in him and others 
and he wouldn't give it up for anything.

I will meditate on your majestic,
glorious splendor
and your wonderful miracles.
Your awe-inspiring deeds
will be on every tongue;
I will proclaim your greatness.
Psalm 145:5-6 (NLT)