My Story

if you are curious as to

why i am the way i am,

here it is...

in third person...

the past

a long time ago

in a land far away,

there lived a small boy

who was unusually sensitive.

he was completely honest,

and the thought of true loss

brought him to the conclusion

that he would never stop crying,

he would be the boy

that cried forever.

distance

but the day came

that he did things

of which he could not speak.

this lead to

the beginning of the distance.

with exposure to a church

came questions.

these questions he could not ask

for there were no answers

any man could give him.

learning about forgiveness

he knew Jesus died

for the forgiveness of sins

and thought

almost anything was forgivable

and that his family

needed forgiveness.

fear

he was afraid of people

and people often saw this

partially due to

his terrifying dreams

memorization

he memorized a verse,

which was required of him.

he thought to memorize

one not easily forgotten.

he did not know

what this meant

but did not care:

"Ask and it will be

given to you

seek and you will find

knock and the door

will be opened to you.

For everyone

who asks receives

he who seeks finds

and to him who knocks

the door will be opened."

the pit of despair

a time came

that he fell into a hole

not a literal one,

one in his mind

he was drawn to music

to ease his fear

in the basement

in which he lived.

nearly always dreaming

of death and loss

occasionally a dream

would come true

causing him to believe

others may as well...

friends

it turned that his friends

would hurt themselves

in many ways

and he feared

for their lives often

the search

and so he began

his spiritual search

he began to see

coincidences often,

revealing the reality

of spiritual existance,

that supernatural things occur.

his counselor recommended

that he read

a book about coincidences...

meditation

he came to meditate

and become aware

in almost every way he could...

to whatever the truth may be

the need of a greater love

he also became aware

of his inability to help others

in certain situations,

and that on his own

in loving everyone

he would exhaust himself

the verse

every so often

the verse he remembered

about the door

would come back to him

he thought to himself

that it must be something spiritual

pressing on

day after day,

he sought universal truth

he was convinced

it would be in meditation

that could change everything

so that all could

love as they should

reading in the right light

he came upon a certain book

about meditations one day.

in the book the author mentioned

an uncle who was a christian

who healed others by faith

and that people

could read the bible

but perhaps may not

in the right light...

the search

he reflected and thought

that he may have done that

so he turned on

the christian radio

which he had never before

really listened

he hated the music

but kept listening

the gospel

he heard the gospel

that Jesus died

so sin could be forgiven

and that He rose from the dead

and that will live in your heart

and that you can ask Him

to come into your heart.

receiving Jesus

so he went to his apartment that night

and in his bedroom he prayed

he turned from his mind from sin

and asked Jesus to come into his heart

freedom of heart

he experienced what he

had been trying to do

through all the meditations for years

he realized that it had been sin

weighing on his heart

the light in which it was written

he cared not so much

for what people had to say

about the words of God

but he asked The Lord

as he came to find Him to be

to open his heart

to what He has to show him

in His word

seeking in God's word

he began reading the new living translation

and came to find

"The Word of God is living and active"

and many stories of people

experiencing God's word

in "our daily bread"

and in His word,

eventually from beginning to end

He lead him to find

that he could depend on Him

and that He would always hit him

with exactly what He needs to hear

learning by the holy spirit

he came to find that he

received the holy spirit

and that he needed to be ready for miracles

he knew no other christians

that sought God

he feared churches and their leaving out

parts of God's word

so he became grounded

in the Word of God

fellowship

he later prayed about studying with others

and was lead to a bible study

by someone he never even asked

at a coffee shop after showing his apartment

that was like the one down the hall for rent

after they saw a verse.

he came to pray and learn with others.

it seemed awkward at first,

but he came to love

seeking God's will with others.

baptism the next step

he came to find that

Jesus said to be baptized

so he met a guy at the laundromat,

went to his house and

was baptized in the name of Jesus.

when he was asked what he had to say

"i don't have to fear anymore"

is what came to him.

walking with God

he is still to this day seeking God and

sharing with others the hope

and life that he has found

through seeking the truth

and has come to see The Lord

faithfully finishing what He has begun

in him and others

and he wouldn't give it up for anything.