Interviewed By Velina
I interviewed my father tonight for 15 minutes. I asked him what he believed the role of empathy had on a family. I used reflective listening during the interview. He was very receptive to the process. He was also surprisingly brief in his answer.
He told me that he believe that empathy was the cornerstone of families. Plain and simple that it is "everything". I continued to probe, asking for his definition of empathy, where by he defined it as being able to feeling into another persons feelings.
I continued to ask him how empathy presented itself in his family of origin.
He said that it was practically nonexistent. But that there were a few times when he felt that empathy was displayed. It was in the form of gifts. They grew up in a very large poor family.
They didn't usually have the luxury of the kids they went to school with. But he received a bicycle and a couple of clothing items that he felt were acts of empathy. He also remembered how his father lifted him up so he could kiss the hand of his grandfather at his rosary (open casket).
He thought this was his fathers way of showing empathy for what he may have been grieving around the loss of his grandfather. He later said that he didn't believe that people in survival mode had the luxury of expressing empathy. He was firm on this.
When I asked him how it was to receive my reflective listening, he was flat when he said,
"fine".
This was not a surprise since I know he spent many years in counseling.
I noticed for me, I felt it was much easier to listen to him when I did reflective listening. I often get triggered by his black and white statements "all or nothing" statements and unwillingness to entertain an different view when presented. While just reflecting back, I was able to discharge some of my reaction. It was nice for me.