Most important is my partner and my son. Alexander Son turns 4 in October. Interesting age to observe. Has been frequent topic for us, Rich and I. We keep watching with different children.
Last week, report, study: 3 year olds and how empathetic they can be. 3 year olds are very empathetic. Very interested in imporiving conditions for someone, sharing things.
Absolutely. When Alex hears a baby crying, that’s baby Luna, likes to stroke her. He loves strawberries, she was playing with neighbor’s daughter. One strawberry and one is for Melissa. He knew she didn’t have one. He does that all that time. It’s good. I see other kids who can’t share at all. Melissa wasn’t even next to her. It wouldn’t have been for me if he had eaten both. But I was surprised that happened.
The way you as parent behave, reflects in the child. And you share with him. When he doesn’t have something, we offer him something. He reflects that in his behaviour. He sees that parents share with each other. You lead by example.
If I hurt myself, he comes over to give him a kiss. When he hurt himself somewhere, we give him a kiss. He does the same with us. In kindergarten they told me that he takes care of the smaller ones. Kids learn to serve table themselves, have to do it all themselves. Little ones can’t do that and he helps them. I don’t think it’s completely unusual. How much kids do it varies. He seems to be aware of that. When he sees it he helps.
With us it’s a little different. When you’re in a relationship, you watch for signs. You have to be aware of the other person. I feel connected all the time. Not a special moment. Weekends, when 3 of us are together. When we are at home, we really spend time together. We play together, walks, playground. We want to spend time with him. Go to the Zoo, technical museum.
No, never felt disconnected. My parents and I are on the phone. Sam with Rich’s parents. It’s never been like that that we felt disconnected.
Last week, Alex: stuff he does and does not. Parenting issues. He wants to watch children’s cartoons. He can only do that if he behaves. He follows the rules until the last episode is over. He wants more, no to bed. When he is bed, he calls me. Dispute how to solve this: he wasn’t allowed to watch it for couple days. Consequences. It works.
We don’t argue in front of Alex. Same opinions on parenting. I want to cuddle, stories, he doesn’t let go. Rich complains it takes so long. Otherwise, Alex keeps calling. In general, we don’t have discussions.
Sometimes somebody is arguing about something irrelevant, bad mood. But important things, same opinion. Have the same values. Respect, tolerance. We don’t want our son to be a selfish ignorant idiot. Our own values. When you raise a child, we becaem more aware of my values, what to teach. Lead by example. Happy there are children with different skin colour, so won’t question skin colour and race. Open to the world. Don’t judge people by stuff that is not their fault. If I don’t lead, he won’t learn.
Value: spending time together. Spend money on being able to spend time together, instead of fancy elec equipment. Nice vacation, something that connects us.
Bed time ritual. How we do it. Very important for little children: what happens next. Trust and confidence. Easier for them. They don’t feel lost.
To me, things came naturally. When I read things, it confirmed my intuition.
Alex still takes an afternoon nap. Take pants off. He was sick, jamies all day. Had to take his jamie pants off. Patterns and rituals. Consistence. When they feel more secure, they will change. They only see a tiny aspect. They lack life experience. Easier to break patterns later.
We puzzle all the time. Could do them all day. Putting together the puzzles. He’s got his lego games and cards. Role plays. Plush giraffe: letting the giraffe talk to me. Trains pretend to speak. Trains have conversations. Always does it in English. (Usually in German) Took him a long time to start. He thinks it’s cool, he likes it. Connected to situations.
He is not aware that somebody is mean to him. He doesn’t realise that yet. Little kid plays a power game. Eventually, he realises that/ We are prepared for being there. He has recently become aware, shows sadness when neighbour kids don’t want to play with me. He was really sad. We have to show him how to cope with that. Important and difficult, resilience, dealing with bad feelings, disrespect, mean people, unfairness, failure. That he doesn’t drown. What do you do when your child gets mobbed? All you can do is talk to your child, listen to your child, be aware of signs, if they change. Empathy comes into that. Help the child find solutions. Do not find solutions for your child. Help it find solutions. Help it find solutions, resilience.
Fun is the right term. But in teaching empathy, you have to draw a child’s attention to the effect of being empathetic. Look how happy she is because you gave her a strawberry.
Typical girl, 16 year who wants to save the world. Always interested in supporting others. Tutor for students. Volunteer for different things.
Parents have never been volunteer types, not active in communities. Always have shared values, taught us values that made this possible. Empathy comes with not being ignorant, being aware of other people’s needs. Be observant, aware of who’s around you. Look and talk to people. If somebody is in need, help, don’t walk past.
We were concerned that Alex would learn the bad behaviour of neighbour’s son. He probably gets it from his dad bc his mom is a very sweet and calm person. What can we do not to let that happen? What is Alex learning that is bad from us? What are we teaching him? Impatience. Yelling at him too early, when he needs to try doing something 100 or 500 times.