Empathy
Ability to put myself in another person’s situation. Feel their emotions, their pain, their happiness. Very important. It affect how I communicate with people. It requires a sense of preparation or patience, everyone has their baggage and feelings. Body language. Tone of voice. When it’s family, you know. IF it’s new, it’s harder.
My mum and dad. Two younger brothers. Mother has an insanely high EQ. She is very good at reading people. Making sure people are happy, staff. Ability to care about someone else’s well-being based on that to move forward. She’s a store manager, 13-14 staff. If she sees they are not doing well, she tries to figure out the best part forward for them, not for her or for the team. But for their team. THAT for me is empathy.
Both brothers are very different. I’m the oldest. Middle: very sensitive and emotional. I have to communicate in a sensitive way. He could interpret things and get hurt from his interpretations.
Youngest: straightforward, to the point.
ANGRY: Youngest and me, we have a blow out and that’s it. With my middle brother, we have a discussion and he gets hurt, and he won’t say what it is, and then it would take 2-3 months, and it’s growing in him. Usually at that time I have to think about it.
It was a very small thing. Lived in Vienna. Told me about a tough time with his landlord. I told my boyfriend, who tried to talk to him about it. He thought he had confided, that I wasn’t supposed to tell. But I misunderstood. If I had known, I would never say anything. For me they are small things. Trust for him is a very important thing. More one-one-one. Why he’s doing. Not go through my parents.
I like this difference. Brothers are completely different, their characters. Fascinating that children from the same parents can have such different personalities. Of course, it affects family. You can learn a lot.
Middle: lives in the moment. His relationships mean the world to him. If you become his friend, you are freidn forever. If you hurt him, you are out. Nurishing relationships, for life, some friends might have the same personality and I have to be careful. Not so straigthforward, like I would like to, because they might misunderstand. 27
Young: natural leader at heart. EQ may not be as high. Oliver has the ability to lead people with a strong hand, without ever making them feel that he is stepping on their toes or making them feel jealous. Climbs the ladder quickly. He does it because he has good humour, even jokes about himself. Not take yourself too seriously. He has ticks: he has to make a sound suddenly. This can lead to bullying. But it was different, he made jokes. His classmates with him. He never had problems. It made him so much stronger. Not sth inhibting, but something to make him stronger, take himself easy.
I am the oldest: I have a different sense of responsiblity. I want to look after and check up on them. Give them advice. I am not as empathetic as my mother, but I easily feel what other peope feel if I can feel it. Sometimes not good to feel as much, because it can get complicated. Some people might not want me to feel. At work. Something personal. It might not be something they want to discuss. Might be insensitive to ask: how are you doing. I make sure they know I am there. I look up to my mum. She has very high EQ. I am a mix of both parents characters. Da is more practical, solution-oriented. With his team he will rarely sit down and discuss personal things.
I like that. Two strong role models. Balance how to use what they’ve given me. What role in the future.
Yesterday. Oscar got into a programme. He’s been struggling to find his way. All by himself. We have al been trying to help him, courses and paths. Could be hard to push someone, cos you can push in wrong direction. It was difficult and he was nervous. I am happy for him. 21.
Christmas. Card games — they love it. Interesting bc they spend a lot of time in front of their computers. I ask whether we can play card games or yatzi, and they want to play too. Are we gonna play after dinner or before dinner. Board games. When I’m home. I love board games, I’m a sucker for game friends. Some people really don’t like it.
We talk. Not in deep emotional stuff. About what’s going on in life. 4 hours having breakfast. Oscar loves to take part. Oliver doesn’t mind so much. It’s their characters. Oliver is like my dad. If he sees that I’m doing, it’s enough. Mum wants to know everything, wants to be part of it. It’s good — the difference. I email with my dad, mostly practical. Different communication, because he feels that mum needs it more. Just him and I we talk a lot.
I don’t think I ever have felt disconnected. I never have fights with my mum. With dad, yes. Because we are both very stubborn. With Oscar he be too straightforward, Oscar quickly gets hurt. Had to take with my dad, sometimes I get angry. The only reason, he’s not behaving nicely. He’s not emotional, more practical, more klutz.
Kid: explode, really really angry with him. Because I have the same character. I don’t get angry. Now it’s harder, he realises that what I’m saying it’s true and he has to realise that he was wrong. That I know how to handle my brother better. He realises his own limits. It’s really hard for him. Conversations are quick and honest and then he needs space and time. Either he will apologise, or he will pretend it didn’t happen but try to fix it in a different way, be nicer.
Brief, hard and honest.
I am grateful for these discussions. It has taught me how to deal with characters. Made me confront with this side of him. How to deal when I get angry. Sometimes it’s important to not be afraid of being angry. I’ve learnt this because of him. It’s contrary to have a deep conversation. As long as it’s respectful.
I talk with mum about these things, about family, how to support my brothers, what they need. Success looks very differently depending on what you’re measuring. It’s important for us as a family not to raise the younger one too mich at the expense of the older one’s success. Make sure they both feel strong. Middle one is gonna do some jumping before he finds his way. Oscar shouldn’t feel less worth or less loved because he’s not succeeding in this way.
Young is on a straightforward path.
She’s asking me about advice, how she should handle her stuff, how she should behave. We’ve come to a place where she’s my mother and my friend. They respect my thoughts and opinions and they will ask. That’s why our conversations are interesting. As adults.
BF: together 6 years. He has a completely different character from me, which is good. He’s straightforward, he’s more tempered. I am quite a calm person. But it takes a lot. I bring a lot of calmness to him. I try to make him calmer in himself. His relatives tell me that as soon as he met me, he became a peaceful person. We are strong together, we support each other in everything, dreams. This is most important. Always have each other’s backs. After 6 years you learn how to talk with each other. The more time, the better we get at this. We’re good at not saying good things, so that things don’t spiral. When this happens, we take a break. He pauses it and leaves it. We give each other time to think about how we want to move forward. Friends staying at the apartment, bf works a lot (60/70 hrs). 3-4 months when he’s working every weekend. When we don’t see each other it’s hard. We need each otehr to connect. When we don’t talk, we lose our connection. Then, we need to have a big idsuccion about our lives. We just have to make them change around each other. When you’re both emotional, you get energy from each other. But it can’t happen when you don’t communicate. Good. Communication is very important. I talk through things than let them be. We’re not afraid when things are hard, honest opinions about things. Nothing is missing. I would like my Swedish world and Austrian world be together physically.