In this fourth concentric circle of spiritual development, our attention now turns to cultivating and living from an open heart. To progress spiritually, the mind and heart need to be in balance.
The first three circles were primarily focused on resolving our own issues. Until the mind is somewhat cleared of obscurations, it is difficult to focus on living altruistically.
There are two levels or stages of cultivating and living from an open heart. The first is making sure that our intimate relationships reflect harmony. The second stage is extending our love and compassion to all living beings. Of course the two stages are interrelated.
HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS
There are eight qualities, which when present for both people in a relationship, reflect the presence of harmony.
1. Acceptance - allowing the other person to be who they are without criticism or judgment.
2. Affection - communicating care and closeness through physical touch and loving words.
3. Appreciation - expressing gratitude to the other person for the contribution that he or she makes to your life.
4. Attention - conveying interest in the other person’s life; entering into their world.
5. Comfort – offering consolation through tender words and loving care during difficult times.
6. Encouragement – supporting the other person in manifesting their visions for a fulfilling life.
7. Respect - conveying that the other person has intrinsic worth.
8. Security – working to create a safe and supportive environment.
LOVE
There are basically three types of love:
1. Sensual love
2. Emotional love
3. Altruistic love
Sensual Love
This is the love we have for the objects of our senses such as food, art, music, sexual encounters, travel, and so forth. Of course there is nothing wrong with this type of love; we all want to enjoy what life has to offer.
Emotional Love
This is the love we have for another individual. It is, as in sensual love, based upon an external object; in this case, the other person. We desire to have this feeling reflected back to us. This need for feedback from the other person can be the basis for creating a strong attachment. Of course there is nothing wrong with this type of love; most of us want intimate relationships.
The Limitations of Sensual and Emotional Love -
Both sensual and emotional forms of love are based upon the pleasant feelings we receive when we are with certain objects, experiences or individuals. The difficulty is that when those objects, experiences or individuals no longer provide pleasant feelings, the love is no longer present.
Altruistic Love
Altruistic love is not based upon objects, experiences, individuals, feelings, or the need for reciprocity. It does not create attachment nor dependency. It is characterized by unconditional and unlimited kindness for all living beings. There is no sign of partiality or preference in this kind of love.
Altruistic love is a natural attribute of a mind that is without selfishness, aversion, judgment, pride, jealousy, greed or ignorance. In this case ignorance is a distorted view of reality that is based on the idea that we exist as independent beings who are separate from one another.
Altruistic love is the wish that all living beings become free of suffering. It is the aspiration that everyone finds true happiness and harmony in their lives. It is the presence of a boundless heart that places the welfare of others before one’s own.
The Buddhist scriptures list some of the benefits of altruistic love. They include sleeping and waking easily, being dear to all beings, others feeling safe in your presence, having a bright complexion and dying unconfused.
All the joy the world contains
Has come through wishing happiness for others.
All the misery the world contains
Has come from wanting pleasure for oneself.
Shantideva
There are Metta (Loving-Kindness) practices that act as a support in removing the obscurations to altruistic love, as well as directly fostering loving-kindness.