Circle 3: Facing the Realities of Life - Death
DEATH
There is an expression, “How you live is how you die.” It means that if we have lived with fear and contraction, we will enter into the dying process in the same way. On the other hand, if we have lived with openness and joy, then that will be our experience as our death approaches.
Another meaningful expression for our lives is, “How you die is how you live.” A full and contented life requires that we keep dying into each present moment. If we are fearful, contracted and resistant about opening to each new experience, our lives will be filled with much suffering. On the other hand, if we are able to openly surrender to each new moment, our lives will be filled with peace, joy and love.
One hundred and eight people die each minute – that is almost two per second. How many have died as you have been reading this training on death? The following are some reflections on death from “The Way of the Bodhisattva":
We cannot trust the wanton Lord of Death.
And life’s tasks done or still to do, he will not wait.
And whether ill or well, therefore, none of us can trust
Our fleeting momentary lives.
My enemies at length will cease to be;
My friends, and I myself
Will cease to be;
And all is likewise destined for destruction.
All that I possess and use
Is like the fleeting vision of a dream.
It fades into the realm of memory;
And fading, will be seen no more.
The thought came never to mind
That I too am a brief and passing thing.
And so, through hatred, lust and ignorance,
I’ve been the cause of many evils.
Never halting, day or night,
My life is slipping, slipping by.
And nothing that has passed can be regained-
And what but death could be my destiny?
There I’ll be, prostrate upon my bed,
And all around, the ones I know and love-
But I alone shall be the one to feel
The cutting of the thread of life.
What are your beliefs about death? Having certain views can create anxiety about what happens when we die. The following are some common beliefs.
The Ending of Everything
This is the materialist perspective that says that with the ending of the functioning of the brain, everything else comes to an end. Death is considered to be a great nothing or utter oblivion.
The Great Punishment
Those who consider death in this way may feel angry at the time of death and say something to the effect of, “Why me? I haven’t been such a bad person.” Death is considered to be unfair or unreasonable.
The Great Material Loss
The loss of all our possessions, our experiences, accomplishments, stories and insights.
The Great Aloneness
Some may be attached to their family and friends and feel that their journey into death represents the loss of everyone they have loved.
The Great Interruption
Death can be seen as the great destroyer of plans. Death is perceived to always arrive at the wrong time. (Is there ever a right time?) We feel totally out of control since there is no way to plan for death.
Of course no matter how strong our beliefs about death, we will not know its reality until it actually happens.
Do you hate death or the thought of death? The moment that birth occurs, death is not far behind. By hating death, we are actually resisting life, because in life, birth and death come together as one package. Life and death are not opposites – belief in self and the reality of Life are opposites!
From Pema Chodron:
The best possible preparation for dying is to recognize the nature of mind. In watching people die, my I have observed that death can be a strong support for waking up. Everything is naturally falling apart: our body is falling apart, our way of perceiving reality is falling apart, everything we have clung to is dissolving. The letting go that we have cultivated during our life is happening naturally; this is what we have wanted, and now it’s occurring on its own.
For those who spend their lives learning to relax with groundlessness, death is liberating. But if we live our lives trying to hold on to this brief and transient existence, we’re going to be scared, very scared, when we die. Death is the ultimate unknown that we are forever avoiding; it’s the ultimate groundlessness that we try to escape. But if we learn to relax with uncertainty and insecurity, then death is a support for joy.
If we have realized and opened to the groundlessness of life, then death will reveal the ultimate reality. Death is then no longer a death but a meeting with the source of all Life. There are two short poems written by individuals who have clearly seen death as an integral part of life:
1. Empty handed I entered the world.
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going –
Two simple happenings
That got entangled.
2. Born like a dream
In this dream of a world
How easy in mind I am
I who will fade away
Like the morning dew.
The reality of death is that the body will die along with the personality and all mental functions. The illusion is believing that Life can come to an end. Who we truly are has never been born and can therefore, never die.