Circle 3: Facing the Realities of Life - Aging
The third concentric circle is concerned with facing the three realities of life with equanimity and an open heart. The three realities are:
1. Aging
2. Illness
3. Death
AGING
Now we will explore the three realities of life starting with aging.
Isn’t it interesting that when we meet those we would consider to be old, it seems like they were always that age? We seem to forget that they were young once and had lives and aspirations such as ours. Sometimes we see their pictures when they were younger and we may be surprised at how they look – so vibrant and full of life.
We would rather not reflect on the fact that we too are getting older and that this process will continue until we die.
Aging is unavoidable.
As we age our teeth wear away, the flow of saliva diminishes, as our bones soften the rest of our body hardens (the blood vessels, joints, the muscle and valves of the heart and our lungs), the heart has to generate increased pressure to maintain the same flow of blood and hypertension can develop, we begin to lose muscle mass and power, there is a loss of dexterity, a loss of sensitivity to touch, our bowels slow down, our glands stop functioning and our brain processing speed decreases.
Perhaps you are already experiencing some of these symptoms of aging.
Although diet, exercise and positive thinking towards aging can slow down these processes and make a considerable difference, they cannot be stopped.
Sound bleak?
This is the law of impermanence at work. It is only depressing when there is identification with the body.
Many individuals do not believe or they avoid thinking that aging will happen to them. They continue to focus outwardly until they are too old, weak or ill to make significant strides with their practice.
The reality of aging can provide the impetus to focus on practice. Seeing the decline of our body can motivate us to make every moment count.
(As an aside, of course we can work to stay attractive and healthy while fully accepting, not resigning ourselves to, the aging process.)
Of course the way in which each body ages is individual. At the same time, there are typically four stages that the mind experiences relative to aging:
1. Surprise - A shock of recognition that we are getting older and that the “bloom of youth” is not going to return.
2. Resistance - The mind still has not accepted the limitations that aging has placed on the body. A refusal to acknowledge that aging ultimately leads to illness and death.
3. Adaptation – The mind and body are in sync. We have stopped comparing ourselves to others or to how we once were.
4. Appreciation – Equanimeous acceptance of what aging means and seeing it as an opportunity to pass on our life’s wisdom. See “From aging to sage-ing,” as described by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi.
Of course this is just a model and one can go through the stages over years or in rapid succession.
So how can we use aging to further our spiritual development? First, on the level of mind, we need to address our attitude towards aging.
Dr. Andrew Weil, director of the Center for Integrative Medicine, and the author of several books on health and healing, cites many studies that show negative perceptions about aging can shorten lives, where an attitude of equanimity towards aging can prolong them. Older people who have accepted the aging process were found to live seven and a half years longer than those with negative attitudes towards aging.
A study of nearly 1,000 older adults followed for nine years concluded that people with high levels of acceptance had a 23% lower risk of death from cardiovascular disease and a 55% lower risk of death from all other causes than those who were found to be resistant and pessimistic towards aging.
Here is an “aging” version of the loving-kindness meditation:
As I age, may I appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As I age, may I accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As I age, may I be loving and kind to myself;
As I age, may I be well, happy and peaceful.
As my parents age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As my parents age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As my parents age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As my parent age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
As my teachers age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As my teachers age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As my teachers age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As my teachers age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
As my friends age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As my friends age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As my friends age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As my friends age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
As all indifferent persons age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As all indifferent persons age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As all indifferent persons age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As all indifferent persons age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
As all those I resist age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As all those I resist age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As all those I resist age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As all those I resist age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
As all living beings age, may they appreciate all that life has provided thus far;
As all living beings age, may they accept any limitations that have arisen, or will inevitably arise;
As all living beings age, may they be loving and kind to themselves;
As all living beings age, may they be well, happy and peaceful.
On a more spiritual level, we know that it is not our “self” that ages. There is no self to age! It is the appearance of the body that ages. This is the natural progression of all material form.
If we resist or hate the fact that the body ages, we suffer. Once again, we suffer not because of what happens to the body, but because we want things to be different than they are.