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Navigating conversations with teenagers can sometimes feel like deciphering a complex code. However, fostering open and effective communication is crucial for understanding your teen's world and building a strong parent-child relationship. On this page, we'll explore practical tips on how to engage in meaningful conversations with your teenager.
Choose the Right Time and Place:
Timing matters. Choose a time when both you and your teen are calm and free from distractions. Opt for a neutral and comfortable space where they feel at ease to share their thoughts.
Be an Active Listener:
Listening is key to effective communication. Give your full attention, make eye contact, and avoid interrupting. Show empathy and validate their feelings, even if you may not agree with them.
Respect Their Perspective:
Recognize that your teenager has a unique perspective shaped by their experiences. Respect their opinions and avoid dismissing their feelings. Creating an environment of mutual respect encourages open dialogue.
Use Open-Ended Questions:
Encourage conversation by asking open-ended questions that go beyond simple "yes" or "no" answers. This allows your teen to express themselves more fully and helps you understand their thoughts and feelings.
Share Your Own Experiences:
Opening up about your own experiences can create a sense of connection. Share relevant stories from your past, highlighting the lessons you've learned. This can make your teen feel more comfortable sharing their own experiences.
Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues:
Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. These can provide valuable insights into your teen's emotions, even when they might not express themselves verbally.
Avoid Judgment and Criticism:
Create a judgment-free zone. Teens are more likely to open up when they feel safe expressing themselves without fear of criticism. Offer constructive feedback and be supportive, even when discussing challenging topics.
Understand the Power of Silence:
Sometimes, silence can be powerful. Allow space for your teen to gather their thoughts or share when they're ready. Avoid filling every moment with words, and let the conversation unfold organically.
Discuss Boundaries and Expectations:
Establish clear boundaries and expectations while involving your teen in the conversation. This fosters a sense of responsibility and autonomy, making them more likely to adhere to agreed-upon rules.
Know When to Seek Professional Help:
If your teen is dealing with challenging issues, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide additional support and guidance during difficult times.
Navigating conversations with your teenager requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to understanding their perspective. By following these tips, you can create a foundation for open communication, strengthening your relationship and fostering a sense of trust with your teen. Remember, the key is to approach these conversations with love, respect, and a genuine desire to connect.
Helping Students Cope with Sudden Death Robert Evans, Ed.D.
The sudden death of a student can have strong effects throughout a community. Everyone feels shock and disbelief, as well as concern for the student’s family and friends. Faculty and staff want to be helpful to students but often have trouble themselves understanding how such a thing could happen, even if the circumstances are not immediately clear, let alone if they’re not. People worry about saying too much or too little, about not having enough information, about saying the wrong thing. Though there is no perfect solution, there are five guidelines that can often make a positive difference in talking with students.
It is helpful not to over-assume what the loss meant to them. They react differently depending on their closeness to the situation, their own personalities, and so on. Some may be deeply moved, others less so. Some may have many questions, others fewer. Not all will be intensely affected. Showing little reaction does not automatically mean a student is hiding or denying his or her feelings. At the same time, some students who have little immediate reaction may become upset later on, even in a way that doesn’t make sense to them. Contrary to what many people imagine, there is no universal timetable.
Young adults are remarkably resilient. They may become quite upset, but given a chance to express what they feel, they usually resume their normal lives—and often do so more rapidly than older adults. Most students do not benefit from extensive, probing questioning about their reactions. They do profit from simple, direct information and from faculty and staff being available to respond to their questions and to listen when they themselves want to talk.
If you receive difficult questions from students it can be useful to understand these before answering them. Often a question is spurred by a feeling. Rather than plunging into an immediate answer, it can be helpful to learn what motivates the question by asking, “What made you think of that?” or “Can you tell me what you were thinking about?” Once you know the source of the question, it is easier to answer effectively.
There may be questions you cannot answer, which can make anyone feel inadequate. But all of us are typically more comforted by straight talk than by false assurances. Rather than to invent a response, it can be much more helpful to say, “I don’t know,” or, “I’ll try to find out.”
Coping with a tragic death is not primarily a matter of technique, not something best handled by a particular set of tactics that deviate sharply from one’s familiar patterns of communication. The regular routines of school, for example, are, all by themselves, a source of comforting continuity and assurance. Faculty and Staff will rarely go wrong by relying on what is most basic between them and students—caring and connection. At these times, your presence—your simply being with students, their knowing that you are available—can be very reassuring.
Dr. Evans is a psychologist and the former Director of The Human Relations Service.
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