Let's Talk About It

The Let's Talk About It tab is all about current social issues in our society that I feel must be discussed. Our goal here is to provide factual evidence and spread knowledge to others so that we can move towards understanding our peers; the way we can do that is by educating, not arguing. We implore you to please keep your mind and your heart open to new ideas and possibilities as you read, as the writing is nothing without someone who's willing to read it thoughtfully. We hope you enjoy the writing, and hopefully leave this page with a better understanding of the world and people around you! 

The previous author of this tab, Sara Vetter, wrote a scholarly article about gender norms and the gender binary.

Gender Norms: Let's talk about it

In this article, we will be covering the topic of gender norms and why they are harmful. However, in order to understand gender norms we must first have a basic understanding of what gender truly is, as well as some vocabulary that is frequently used in this article. Contrary to popular belief, gender is not just male and female, but actually a complex relationship between our body, identity, and social gender. When we are born, we are assigned a sex based on our body, which is either male or female. Although the terms “sex” and “gender” are often used interchangeably, this is most certainly not the case. In fact, studies and research increasingly show that the gender with which you identify is correlated with your brain. The notion that the only two genders are male and female, and that a person must be one or the other, is called the “Gender Binary”. To summarize, gender is not just the sex we are assigned at birth but the relationship between our body, identity, and how society sees our gender. Gender is quite a large topic, so to learn more about gender itself, please see “Understanding Gender” at https://genderspectrum.org/articles/understanding-gender 

What are Gender Norms?

Now that we have a simple understanding of what gender is, we can understand what gender norms are. According to the European Institute for Gender Equality, gender norms are "Standards and expectations to which women and men generally conform, within a range that defines a particular society, culture and community at that point in time." To break this down further, gender norms can most easily be defined as a society’s expectation of how a certain gender must behave or express themselves. The simplest example of this is the men and women's section in clothing, showing how certain genders are expected to dress a certain way. Gender norms can vary from one culture to the next, but overall there is a general and shared standard for how individuals are expected to act, depending on their gender. More examples of this are such:

• • Men’s bathrooms and women’s bathrooms- enforcing the gender binary since there are no other options

  • Kids toys- dolls are for girls, superheroes are for boys, etc.

  • Colors- pink is for girls, blue for boys, and other “gendered” colors

  • Clothing- Skirts, dresses, and heels are for girls; graphic tees, pants, and sneakers for boys

How are gender norms harmful?

We begin learning about gender from the very moment we are born into the world. Because the gender binary is so large in society, children are pressured to express themselves as well as their gender between the stereotypical definitions of “girl” or “boy”. All ages of people, not just children, who express themselves outside of the gender binary often face a very difficult and harmful experience of gender. Girls seen as “too masculine," boys “too feminine," and those whose gender is outside of the binary altogether are often bullied, condemned, and pressured by society to conform. Not being accepted or supported by society takes a huge toll on someone mentally, physically, and socially. Even just the little things can accumulate to traumatic experiences. For example, perhaps a man wants to shop in the women’s clothing section but is unable to because he is afraid of what people will say. Maybe a woman wishes to dress masculine but her family pressures her to dress feminine. Perhaps a person is non-binary (an umbrella term used to describe a gender not exclusively male or female) but they are still forced to decide between the men and women’s bathroom. Even further, a key part in their decision will be which bathroom they feel the safest in, as non-binary people are often verbally harassed and physically attacked. These harmful experiences that are directly correlated to a person’s gender can often lead to individuals being afraid of expressing their gender, this fear sometimes being taken out on people who can express their gender so freely. This creates a vicious cycle of hurt and be hurt, all because of one thing: the gender binary. It’s the representation and the normalization of the gender binary in society that makes it so difficult to express one’s gender identity outside of the standards set for them. 

But science says there are only two genders?

Actually, that’s not true! As I mentioned in the introduction, studies and research increasingly show that the gender you identify with is correlated with your brain structure. Before we dive into statistics and research, let's equip ourselves with the vocabulary needed to understand this. According to Gender Spectrum, “the term Transgender is sometimes used broadly as an umbrella term to describe anyone whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex. It is also used more narrowly as a gender identity that is ‘opposite’ from the sex they were assigned at birth. A transgender woman is someone assigned male at birth, who identifies as a woman. A transgender man is someone assigned female at birth who identifies as a man. Cisgender individuals are those who identify with the sex assigned to them at birth.” Most people often believe that being trans or a gender outside of the binary is “all in someone’s head," and “they’re just making it up to feel special”. In reality, gender is most correlated with brain structure rather than physical characteristics, and it’s not just “made up”. This idea is supported by the Harvard article “Between the (Gender) Lines: The Science of Transgender Identity," which states that transgender people have brain structures that most closely resemble the gender they identify with, rather than their assigned sex. Separate studies in 1995 and 2000 studied a region of the brain, called the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc), in trans and cisgender men and women. Both teams found that the BSTc in transgender women more closely resembled that of cisgender women in both size and cell density. This was the same for transgender men. As clearly evidenced by this article as well as numerous studies, science actually disproves the theory of the gender binary.

My Personal Experience with gender norms 

Now that we know what gender norms are, and how they are harmful, I’m going to share a bit of my own experience with the treacherous but ever so prevalent gender binary. Besides growing up as a girl who wasn’t very feminine, but also someone who now identifies outside the gender binary, I have plenty of stories to share. One in particular that I feel specifically highlights the pressure and hindrance of the gender binary to youth, takes place in art class. The school year was just starting, and as a “get to know me” project, we were to color in a little body with our face on it and write a bit about ourselves. The problem here struck when the teacher stated, “Whenever you’re ready, come up and take your body. Boys get the boys’ body, and girls take the girls’ body.” As someone who had only just recently started questioning my gender, this trivial thing that really shouldn’t have mattered plunged me into a deep debate with myself of which body to take. It was essentially asking me to figure out my gender right then and there, with only two options that I didn’t want to pick. I certainly was not a boy, that I at least knew. But then the only option left for me to pick was the girl, which I also didn’t identify with. So what in the world did I pick? This inner debate carried on silently for the next 20 minutes until I was out of time, when I had to pick a body and pick one now. The only option here was to pick the girl, but did I pick the boy just to prove a point? Then people would ask questions that I didn’t know the answer to. I ended up picking the girl because it was the only sensible option, but I hated that there were only two options in the first place. Why did we have to see it as only masculine boy, feminine girl? Now is also a good time to note that the girl body was wearing a dress and heels, while the boy body wore pants and a shirt. It was even more frustrating to look around the room and see no one else struggling with which body to take, just walking up and claiming their gender, no questions asked. This isn’t the only time that the gender binary has taken away from my education, either. I hope my story can give you a bit more of an insight and explanation of why gender norms need to be looked at in our everyday choices and language. 

What can I do to put an end to gender norms?

Gender norms are so deeply engraved in our society that it’s hard to imagine it any other way. Nevertheless, there are things that everyone can do, and they don’t have to be world altering either. Educating yourself first, and others after that makes much larger an impact than one would think. Knowing what you’re talking about and being able to say it with research to support it can change another person’s view drastically. Be gender inclusive in the terms you use, and ask people their pronouns, so we can normalize not assuming anyone’s gender by the way they dress or look. A simple, “What is your preferred name and pronouns?” will suffice, there is no need to make a huge scene about it. If you are of voting age, vote for LGBTQ people and allies, and people who will inspire positive change in general. Don’t fight with people who have different opinions but instead try to have a conversation. You may find that you’ll understand each other and leave with new information. And while you may not be able to change their ideals entirely, you can indeed eliminate ignorance on this vital subject. Support those you know who identify outside the gender binary or who have trouble with it; ask questions, take an interest, and show them you care. There are very simple ways to create safe spaces, such as checking in on them and their mental state. Sadly, being your true self all the time can be very tiring and stressful work, especially when violence is stricken to people like them everyday with no reason other than their sheer existence. Do not use them as your crutch to be educated with, and do your own research. While the community is always willing to help and answer questions, it can get tiring having to explain everything all the time. Doing your own research and having background knowledge beforehand is a huge help when creating safe spaces. Everyday, there are LGBTQ people who are hurt, harassed, attacked, and sometimes even killed. As resilient and strong as the community is, it's still a terrifying thing to see someone like you on the news and think, “that could be me.” With all the horror they will have to face in the real world, it is vital that at the end of the day they can come home to safety and love. To parents and the elder generations, if your children/grandchildren tell you they identify as anything but their assigned sex, respect them. You don’t have to agree with it or even understand it, but at least support them and tell them you love them regardless of their gender. Ask them what their preferred name and pronouns are, and respect their boundaries and courage to share this part of themself with you. The Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth mental health states, “Transgender and non-binary youth who report having their pronouns respected by all or most of the people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of those who did not have their pronouns respected.” 28% of youth whose pronouns weren’t respected by anyone say they attempted suicide, while only 12% of youth attempted suicide when their pronouns were respected. If you could reduce the suicide rate by 16% with just a few words, why wouldn’t you? 

Milestones for the history books 

In 2020 the US elected its first trans state senator, Sarah McBride. Pete Buttigieg made history as the first gay cabinet member, and Mondaire Jones and Ritchie Torres were sworn in as the first black gay congressmen. While they are working on the front lines to represent us, we have to continue our beautiful work behind the scenes. This wonderful community has made so much progress, and together we will all pave the way for the future of queer and gender equality.

Sources 

European Institute for Gender Equality

https://eige.europa.eu/thesaurus/terms/1194

Gender Spectrum: “The Language of gender” 

https://genderspectrum.org/articles/language-of-gender

Gender Spectrum: “Understanding gender overall”

https://genderspectrum.org/articles/understanding-gender

Harvard University: “Between the (Gender) Lines: Understanding Transgender Identity”

https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2016/gender-lines-science-transgender-identity/

National Center for Transgender Equality: “Understanding Non-binary people: How to be Respectful and Supportive”

https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-non-binary-people-how-to-be-respectful-and-supportive

The Trevor project National survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2020

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2020/?section=Supporting-Transgender-Nonbinary-Youth