Lessons in Caretaking, Take Two

Post date: Feb 17, 2020 12:14:25 AM

No one expects to undergo two major surgeries in three months, but that is what happened to my husband, Mike. He went for his checkup after the May 22 surgery on August 1, only to be told that he needed a second surgery, based on the x-rays. He had been in pain but thought it was part of the healing process. Instead, it signaled a problem with a vertebrae above the original incision that was twisting. In addition, several screws had broken.

So, how do you prepare for such an experience?

First, you grieve. I felt like I went through the grieving process in rapid fire, upon getting the news. Mike went through his own grieving process, concluding that we had no option but surgery. Without it, he would have ongoing pain and possibly paralysis.

Next, once you get to acceptance, you do what you need to prepare.

I made reservations at the Heartland Inn, which is about a mile from the University of Iowa hospitals. They have a shuttle service that takes much of the stress out of supporting a loved one being in the hospital. Since we had stayed there in May, I felt more comfortable.

I delegated things to others in my work with the League of Women Voters. I have a wonderful board and people stepped up to help.

I started packing a bag with comfortable clothes—and comfortable shoes.

I downloaded books to my Kindle.

I put a hold on the newspapers and mail.

Once we got to Coralville and got settled in the room, I had the sense of Deja Vue, knowing what to expect with the shuttle schedule, the breakfast menu at the hotel, the location of waiting rooms and cafeterias and elevators at the hospital.

I recognized some staff, and several spoke to me who had taken care of Mike the first time around.

One of our friends from League, Gerri, came down to stay with me the day of surgery, and that was wonderful.

She and I went to see Mike the day after his surgery and were amazed by his progress. He was able to not only stand up alone but walked around the corridor with physical therapists.

Fortunately, he left after only six days this time and was able to come straight home. I was able to get help from our Western Home At Home staff and a nurse and aides came in to help with Mike.

Flash forward two months and Mike resumed much of his routine, with limits on lifting, bending and twisting. However, he was able to resume exercising and is now standing taller and straighter. The second surgery was truly a success, and I realized again that while it can be overwhelming to be a caretaker, I was not alone.

Last updated February 16, 2020