The Words of The Forsaken Man

To all those who will listen, to all those who hear my voice now or have heard it once before in life past, listen to me as I speak. I am sorry for what I've done to those around me. I am sorry for the hell and violence and war I give all of you. I am sorry for the ache I deliver to the hearts of mothers and fathers, nieces and nephews, brothers in blood and in arms. I am sorry for the crimes I committed onto you; For the weight of them is immense and the pain they cause immeasurable. I was a bad man, a horrid man, who disguised himself as someone who believed that if he did enough good, he could change what he thought, nay, what he knew he was. I believed that I could be better than what I was, but I have failed in my mission. I believed I could forgo my nature and be kind and brotherly. But I have made a grim discovery that while you all may know, I did not. I, for all that has changed of my character, have not changed at all. While I give myself to the causes of man without thought of my own welfare and safety, I have been selfish. While I have given nothing but kindness to my friends and family, I have been cruel. While I have tried my hardest to solve the problems of man to the best of my ability, I have done wrong. 

Now, while most of you will look upon my actions and think, "Alas! Surely he was good enough of a man?! Surely he was not as villainous or wretched as he so describes himself?! Who upon this earth would think that he had not changed himself, and more so, had anything need changing in the first place?" I know in your hearts you believe me to be good. But in my own heart, I see not a man of kindness, or a man of selflessness or of good nature. I instead see a man of irredeemable darkness. I see a man of horror that has made man, woman, and child weep for their mercy. I see a man whose wickedness is second only to fallen angel Lucifer himself. While you may not have seen this man in your own eyes, I beseech you to see though my own. Even now as I write this, I feel the dark void within my soul rise like the tides of the sea, threatening to swallow my sanity whole! In these moments, I find a small comfort, knowing that you all will soon see what I truly am. I know you believe me to be truly good, but I must concur, it is simply not true. I have hurt others, others who I love with the wholeness of my heart, if I may be capable of that. I have destroyed lives and ruined friendships that have brought me great joy. 

Now, you may say, "Is not the point of life to make mistakes and to learn from them? To learn from which brought us great pain?" While that may be true for mankind, aye, in my case, it is simply not. Where another man's mistakes are what they are, my mistakes are much, much worse. The mistakes I made in life are worse than any made by any man, woman, or child. To you, my mistakes seem small, insignificant, but to myself they are unforgivable crimes against all of God's creatures. These mistakes keep me up from cold dusk to glorious dawn; unrelenting assault on my soul and being. And when I do find myself in the world of my dreams, I find no peace there. Even in the best of my night terrors, I see only the faces of all those who I've wronged, even in the slightest of measures. If I am not a monster, then why would I be haunted by these ghosts of past decisions? If I were not some form of devilish creature from the darkest pits of Hell, surely I wouldn't hurt others in the way I have? The black void that resides in my heart has hurt many of my friends. In hindsight, it was selfish of me to think I could change, for if I would have accepted the truth of my situation sooner, the rest of you would have suffered less. 

And what is this truth I speak of?

 I am a monster, even if you or I cannot see it, I am a monster, And I must be stopped. I could never ask one of you to do it for me, for that would be to give the weight of my crime to you, and I must face them alone. If I have any hope of ridding the world of this monster, I must destroy the vessel it harbors within. To you this measure seems rash, but it is the hardest decisions that are the best for all. I will destroy this monster, even if the cost is my mortal life. In these moments I am not afraid as I thought I would be, I am grateful. For all of you, for believing that I was a good man, even though I was not. For being there for me, for making me believe that for the slightest moment, I might be human. By the time you read this, I will already be gone to face my monster. Do not remember me as the kind, thoughtful man you believed I was. But rather for the monster I spent so long trying to destroy.

Forever yours,

The Forsaken Man...