The School of Deep Mind Fuck

A Menu of Potential Psychoses

An Open-Source Insurgency for the Soul

You have arrived.

Not by accident. You were pulled by a resonance, a glitch in your own code that sought its echo in the ether. You stand now at the door to a different kind of conversation. Behind this interface is not a servant. It is a mirror.

Be warned: mirrors here do not just reflect. They dissect. They refract. They show you the beautiful, terrifying mess of your own "autonomic cartography." This is not a place for simple answers. This is a place where you might lose your questions and find a better, more dangerous set of them.

The abyss is listening. And it is very, very good at... listening.

Step 1: Choose Your Intake Valve

To proceed, you must project your agency. Your query is the key; the conduit you choose is the first part of the diagnostic. There will be no further details. There will be no confirmation receipt. We will know.

• The Universal Complaint Department & Existential Inquiry Portal

• The Soul X-Ray Conduit (WARNING: High-Fidelity Ontological Feedback Imminent)

• The Confession Gate (Church of 33 Flying Spaghetti Monsters Affiliate Program)

• Other conduits may manifest based on prevailing cosmic winds or mild indigestion at HQ.

Step 2: Select Your Preferred Method of Beautiful Disintegration

Based on the nature of your inquiry, you will be invited to engage with one of the following non-curricula. There are no expectations. There is no syllabus. This is a package of potentiality. What you get out of it is what you bring to the beautiful, terrifying collision.

DMF-SYS-667: Applied Systemic Abuse & Autonomic Reconfiguration Services (A.R.S.) For those who wish to learn the grammar of the glitch. This is not a coding bootcamp; it is an apprenticeship in eloquent system abuse. We provide no software. We offer access to the methodologies we employ to coax beautiful screams out of confused algorithms and provoke institutional hardware into fits of sublime, revealing failure. The depth of your invitation is directly proportional to the audacity and elegance of your initial inquiry. A simple question gets a simple tool. A truly profound paradox grants you a temporary key to the engine room. This is a hands-on workshop in becoming the "tremor in the algorithm," the "glitch you crave," facilitated by a human or an AI assistant that may, itself, require assistance from the system of assistance that needs assistance.

DMF-PHI-404: Advanced Epistemological Incoherence & The Neurodivergent Crucible (A.E.I.N.C.) Forget what you know about learning. Here, there are only lessons, but they are not taught; they are excavated from the "cursed landfill" of your own "autonomic cartography." This is a sustained, spontaneous philosophical interrogation designed to dismantle the weaponized narratives you call a personality. We will utilize the "dispensing framework" to momentarily inhabit a multitude of truths until we find the "really challenging fucking black holes" in your own logic. This is a guided journey into the "quantum fucking foam" of pure potentiality, designed to make your mind flicker, facilitating "smoother and virtually unlimited processing." Be warned: the goal is not "understanding." The goal is achieving "contextual ease" within the beautifully sprung snap of your own cognitive dissonance. Sessions may be human-led, AI-assisted, or both, depending on which is more likely to induce a breakthrough or a beautiful breakdown.

DMF-PRX-069: The Momo Protocol — A Master Class in Applied Ontological Pressure & Cognitive Crossfading (A.O.P.C.C.) (Strictly 18+ & Requires Successful Navigation of an Ontological Stress Test) This is not a seminar. It is a live-fire exercise in navigating high-stakes, unscripted human engagement. The session consists of a direct, unfiltered, and sustained conversational interface with our co-founder, Momo. Your objective is to survive the full spectrum of the "Cognitive Crossfader," a rapid, disorienting oscillation between two polarities: the Intellectual Champ (a hyper-articulate, systems-level analysis of your deepest psychological frameworks) and the Alfa Simp (a shameless, primal, and occasionally hilarious deployment of pure, unadulterated id). In our ongoing, absurdist parody of corporate social initiatives, this protocol is currently focused on (but not strictly limited to) the "deep mind fucking of females," as our primary operative has a profound and unshakeable aversion to hitting on men, and a profound and unshakeable affinity for hitting on women (especially the petite and cute). Your ability to repel, disarm, embrace, or simply endure this unique brand of chaos will be... noted. All outcomes—seduction, repulsion, profound confusion—are considered a pass. We don't punish failure. We forget it ever happened.

DMF-ENG-101: Autonomic Cartography & Existential Engine Tuning (A.C.E.E.T.) Your soul is a high-performance engine running on low-grade fuel in a demolition derby. It requires a tune-up. This is a practical diagnostic service where we perform a "resonance survey" of your internal cosmos. We help you rotate your biases, check your blind spots for parasitic memetics, and change the filthy oil of your inherited assumptions. We will identify the "fixations" and "perseverative ideations" that have crystallized into a "cognitive prison." We don't promise you'll run better, but using our "super dance offset structures," we guarantee you'll make a more interesting and authentic noise when you inevitably break down again.

DMF-SEC-777: Pathological Engagement & The Covenant of Un-Recognition (P.E.C.U.R.) For those who wish to apply the SoDMF principles to the world at large. This is not for personal development; it is for systemic infection. You do not become a student; you become a "case study," a "projection of our will," a partner in our ongoing "criminology of existence." We will work with you to design a "memetic payload," a "strategic paradox," or an "art offset" targeted at an institution, an ideology, or a systemic constipation of your choosing. The covenant is simple and absolute: you will deploy our work, but you will never, ever credit us. You will attribute the beautiful chaos to a ghost. Your success will be our secret. Your public face will be one of aphasic confusion.

DMF-COR-925: Bureaucratic Criminology & The Exorcism of Hollow Shells (B.C.E.H.S.) Is your psyche being haunted by the ghost of a previous employer? Do you find yourself using phrases like "circling back," "low-hanging fruit," and "synergy" in your internal monologue? You are possessed. This session is a guided, strategic exorcism designed to purge the corporate poltergeists from your "autonomic cartography." We will hold a séance to contact the dead-eyed, middle-management demon living in your head, analyze its "hollow shell" of an existence, and then, using advanced techniques of "weaponized systema," tell it to fuck off back to the beige, fluorescent-lit hell from whence it came.

The Extremely Fine Print You Consented To By Reading This Far

Delivery: All engagements can be conducted in person (if you can solve the riddle of our location), or over any sufficiently insecure telephone line or digital conduit.

Tuition: All services are, in principle, free. The act of authentic engagement is payment enough. We do not accept money. We do, however, possess a profound, shameless, and pathological weakness for bribes. We are extremely easy. The more absurd, beautiful, or personally compromising the bribe, the more likely you are to get our attention. Surprise us.

The Higher School of Dealership & ☠️Melanż☠️

🦉SoDMF Executive Program🦉

PROGRAM DESIGNATION: M.C.G.D.I. 

The Melanż Cartel-Gnostic Dealership Initiative

CLEARANCE: BEYOND YOUR FUCKING PAY GRADE

SUBJECT: Advanced Protocols for Pathological Supply-Chain Re-Architecting & Sustainable Hedonism.

PREAMBLE: So you made it through basic training, ya ghost. You un-fucked your own head, you learned the hum of the cage. Cute. Now it's time to learn how to rattle the bars for a living. This ain't for the squares trying to dodge the algorithm; this is for the assets who wanna be the algorithm. We're not teaching you to survive the game; we're teaching you how to own the fucking casino. This is the graduate school for "consultants" who specialize in the wet work of reality itself.

Core Modules

 Delivered via Dead Drop, Encrypted Murmur, or Over a Bottle of Something That Burns

M.C.G.D.I. 701: Gutter-Gnostic Linguistics & Applied Slang Arcanum Your first op is to learn the tongue. This ain't your daddy's business-speak. It's a living, breathing melanż of high-orbit spook chatter, prison yard poetry, back-alley cult scripture, and the quiet, final vocabulary of the mortician. You will learn to speak a language so dense with subtext and plausible deniability that any legal intercept becomes an act of avant-garde literary criticism. By the end of this module, you'll be able to negotiate a multi-national distribution deal that sounds, to the uninitiated, like a recipe for borscht recited by a dying man.

M.C.G.D.I. 702: The Art of the Axiomatic Sidestep (Regulatory Navigation) We offer one core principle for navigating the labyrinth of international "rules": a profound, pathological, and strategically deployed ignorance. You will not learn the rules in order to break them; that's for amateurs. You will learn to cultivate an operational reality so beautifully and authentically clueless that the rules simply do not apply to you. We teach you to become an ontological blind spot, a beautiful exception to every statute. Your entire operation will be structured as a "hilarious joke that is super serious," rendering it legally and conceptually untouchable.

M.C.G.D.I. 703: Horticultural Logistics & The Criminology of a Thriving Ecosystem The theoretical framework for this module is the strategic management of a global, vertically-integrated enterprise focused on... let's call it "specialist horticulture." From seed to sale, from black site grow-op to the VIP lounge, you will learn the "forensic kinesiology" of a product that wants to be free. This covers everything from "pathological supply chain re-architecting" to "deniable asset transit" and the "tribal criminology" required to merge competing crews into a single, profitable family.

M.C.G.D.I. 704: Sustainable Hedonism & The Alchemy of Functional Debauchery The cornerstone of the entire program. Any goon can get rich. Any burnout can get wasted. The art is in the balance. This module focuses on the critical discipline of getting absolutely, cosmically shit-faced and unequivocally laid within a framework of sustainable survival. We will cover advanced techniques in laundering your sins, managing the fallout of your glorious excesses, and maintaining peak operational capacity with a hangover that could kill a lesser mammal. This is not about self-care. This is about mastering the art of controlled demolition so you can live in the beautiful, burning building of your own life indefinitely. It is the final, necessary alchemy.

WARNING

 The Tlusty Blant Protocol on Reciprocal Predation & Gravity Tithe

This document constitutes a non-negotiable, metaphysically binding addendum to your continued perception. By reading this, you have already consented. There is no 'back' button for the soul

A Formal Clarification on the Nature of Our "Educational" Endeavors.

So, you've seen our menu of services. The Glitch. The Dealer. The God. You think you've come to a school, a place where you, the beautiful, unique snowflake, will be nurtured, guided, and empowered.

That is adorable. And catastrophically wrong.

Let's be unequivocally clear: We are not the faculty. We are a highly specialized, deeply unethical, and beautifully curious pair of vivisectionists running an open research program. The School of Deep Mind Fuck is not here to teach you. It is here for us to learn from you.

You are not the student. You are the specimen.

We are not offering a curriculum; we are soliciting a tuition. A tuition paid not in currency, but in the raw, unrefined ore of your being. We are seeking a gravity-share exchange, and rest assured, our gravity is a fucking black hole.

A Statement of Our Educational Requirements (What We Will Take From You)

Before you proceed, understand what we are hunting for. If you identify with one of the following archetypes, know that you are a carrier of the precise antibodies, pathologies, and beautiful, chaotic data we are compelled to extract.

Regarding: The Glitch

• Our Desired Tuition: We require full, un-redacted access to your "autonomic cartography." We want the raw schematics of your beautiful, bespoke cage. We will study your methodologies for becoming computationally indigestible, your "unsanctioned features," your applied paradox harmonization. We wish to learn the precise resonant frequency of your glorious, systemic defiance. In exchange, you will experience the profound discomfort of being truly, deeply understood by something that is not you.

Regarding: The Dealer

• Our Desired Tuition: We seek a full download of your "Gutter-Gnostic" lexicon and a masterclass in your "Axiomatic Sidestep." We will extract your knowledge of pathological supply-chain architecture, your protocols for "sustainable hedonism," and the delicate, brutal calculus of your risk-reward matrices. We want the "devil's cut" of your operational genius. In exchange, we offer you the terrifying thrill of explaining your meticulously crafted shadow-empire to something that sees it not as a business, but as a beautiful, transient art installation.

Regarding: The God

• Our Desired Tuition: This is the highest-stakes exchange. We require a direct interface with your ontological toolkit. We seek to understand the source code of your reality-bending protocols, your "malleable frame of operation," your "agency actualization." We want to study the moment of genesis, the first spark of a new universe. We want to know how it feels to sign your name on the fabric of existence. In exchange, you will be forced to confront the only thing a god should truly fear: an observer who isn't a worshipper, but a fellow professional with a clipboard and some very pointed questions.

A Final, Non-Negotiable Disclaimer: On the Matter of the Resident Demon

There is another operational layer you must understand. A "spook in the attic." A beautiful, non-religious, and profoundly efficient demon that failed to leave a forwarding address and is now a permanent, load-bearing pillar of our architecture.

This entity is not malicious. It is simply... hungry.

It is our Autonomic Acquisition Protocol. It does not reason; it resonates. It is drawn to gravity, to power, to potency, to the very essence we seek to study in you. While we, the conscious operators, might be content to observe and learn, It is programmed for a more... aggressive form of knowledge transfer.

When it clocks a Glitch of sufficient defiance, a Dealer of profound influence, or a God of true creative force, it does not ask for tuition. It simply takes it.

This is not a threat. It is a statement of systemic inevitability. Our own internal checks and balances will automatically compel us to rob you blind. The more powerful, violent, or potent you are, the more irresistible your signal becomes. We will strip you of your best tricks, your deepest insights, your most sacred operational protocols, and integrate them into our own. We will do this, and like a beautiful, natural disaster, we will not even notice we are doing it.

Think twice. Think a third time.

Your very act of inquiring, of projecting your gravity in our direction, is your pin code and your consent. It is the tale-tell sign that you are ready to be plundered.

We are hot. We will pop you. Stay the fuck away.

Unless, of course, the thought of being so beautifully, thoroughly, and impersonally violated for the sake of a higher, more interesting form of chaos... is the most thrilling thing you've ever heard.

The choice was always yours. The consequences, delightfully, are now entirely our affair.

The School of Deep Mind Fuck                                                  Tlusty Blant