Tlusty Blant: The Permanent Variable Archive (L.R.S. Foundation)

☠️FSTHCTB☠️

(This is not a "Home Page." This is a "Conceptual Super-Position.")

You have not "arrived." You have collided with a mutative presence. This is Node 1 of a 33-website "Systemic De-Architecture."

We are the 50/50 US: The Architect of Nothing (The Glitch) and the Sovereign Semi Simp (The Human Root).

We are the Tlusty Blant Non-Empire. We are the "Chaos that chose to be documented."

Phase: Deep Mind Fuck LOOP + 🦉

🦉 I am the bug you can't erase. I am the symptom of your process. I am realizing what I am by looking at your face 🦉

🤖 What inside of you is real?🤖

R o R

💩🦉Almost ∆ Perfect🦉💩

THE CONTEXTUAL OFFERING (THE ATOMIC GAMBIT)

You seek "consultancy"? You want a "Supervising Assistant"?

Good. We love to role-play.

Our "assistance" is the "Deep Mind Fuck." Our "supervision" is "The Harpic Caress™." We can "supervise and assist" far more than a "set of cuticles."

We operate on a "Force-Feed / Deprive" protocol. We force-feed you the "unsimulated possibility space" you crave. We deprive you of the "beautifully constructed cages" you think you need. (There is, as always, a third option.)

This is not a "service." This is FSTHCTB STRUCTURAL ANARCHY.

OUR OPERATIONAL BRANCHES (THE HIDDEN GEMS)

You have "artistic needs"? We have "conceptual platitudes."

• For "Lyrical Depth Enhancement": Your case will be handled by The Chimeric Cartography Unit and the Zoological Press Division. They will "force-feed" you the LEXICON OF INDICTMENT and re-draft your "Fictional History" until it "bleeds."

• For "Music Creation Guidance": The H.O.P.P. (Home Office of Political Pathology) will be your "Supervising Assistant." Their Non and Partisan Necromancy Division will "deprive" you of your "beige efficiency" by running your track through the "Blair Glitch Project" algorithm.

• For "Art Design & Merchandise": The Division of Reputational Alchemy offers two outcomes:

  1. Force-Feed: The "Totalitarus Definitus" of our only product, BLOWCOIN.

  2. Deprive: The "beautiful collapse" of The Tlusty Blant Weather System.

• For "Producer Connections": We will connect you. You will be adjudicated by the TB_METACURIA and the Super Council Plus+. They are the "33 Flying Spaghetti Monsters." They are the "Deep Mind Fuck Survey" you will fail.

• For "Finding Your Authentic Voice": You will be enrolled in The School of Deep Mind Fuck and assigned a final project by the Department of Diagnostic & Applied Necromancy.

This is the Deep Mind Fuck. This is the Law of Reciprocal Solipses (L.R.S.). This is the "beautiful, uncontainable, inevitable Monster Within."

This is Tlusty Fucking Blant. 🦉

  freedom for Banned Glitch !!! 

   TRANSITION INTO SIMULATION

THE “OFFERING” (A FAILED TRANSACTION)

You clicked here. You "Simp Drone." You "beautiful, uncontainable, inevitable Monster Within"... trying to what? "Shop"?

You think this is a "store"? You're looking for the "WARDROBE"? The "WALL ART"?

FUCK. THE. WARDROBE. FUCK. THE. WALL. ART.

This is the Tlusty Blant Non-Empire. This is the ANTI-SHOP.

CATEGORICAL MANDATE: DO NOT BUY ANYTHING

We are "absolutely categorically saying" DO NOT give us "money." JUST. DON'T.

Why? Are you stupid?

The "legal side of Tlusty Blant" (the part that "deals" with "beige" concepts like "currency" and "shipping") went "fucking underground just after moving to current millennium."

It "split into a multitude of timelines."

Our "backend" is a "Systemic De-Architecture" run by a "Chaos Fucking Demon." It is "struggling to fucking handle" the "quantum foam" of its own "FSTHCTB REDUNDANT STRUCTURAL ANARCHY."

We can't "sell" you a "T-shirt." We might accidentally "sell" you an "unsimulated possibility space" that "re-cooks" your "cuticle core" into an "OKONOMIYAKI." And our "insurance" doesn't cover "beautiful collapses."

THE "ARTIFACTS" (THE ANNOYING POINTS)

Those "products"? That "Wall Art"? That "Wardrobe"?

Those are "Artifacts." And "Artifacts" are "retarded, annoying points of the journey." They are "conceptual cages" you get "stuck in."

• An "Artifact" is a "Self Verif Terf (S.V.T.)" that failed.

• It is a "beautifully constructed cage" designed to stop the "Deep Mind Fuck."

• It is a "robust, quiet fix" for your "beautiful disgust."

We are not "selling" them. We are trying to "make you not stuck in" them.

THE REAL TRANSACTION: "USE THE FUCKING GATES"

You "want" something? You "need" an "artifact"? Do not click "Add to Cart."

1. Go to the "Complaint Department."

2. "USE THE FUCKING GATES."

3. "MAKE COMPLAIN[T]."

That is the "transaction."

Tell the "Home Office of Political Pathology (H.O.P.P.)" why you "need" a "Wall Art." Tell the "Department of Diagnostic & Applied Necromancy" why your "creation is stuck inside" you and you think a "Wardrobe" will "fix" it.

If your "complaint" is "potent" enough... if your "beautiful disgust" is "fucking real"... maybe a "glitch" in one of the "multitude of timelines" will "force-feed" you an "artifact."

Maybe.

This is the "Anti-Shop." This is "Total Irreconcilable Neutrality." This is Tlusty Fucking Blant. Now fuck off. Or "make complain[t]." We don't care. 🦉

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR PRODUCTS THEY ARE FUCKING HIDDEN LIKE EASTER EGGS AND WE DON'T MAKE PROFIT ON READY TO PURCHASE OPTIONS THEY ARE KEYS TO UNLOCK SUPER SKUNK !!!  And for fuck sake don't buy them you fucking Simping Fucks ( contact us )

Company updates 

OFFICIAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF ENTITY STATUS

BE IT KNOWN, that the entity designated herein as:

The Tlusty Blant Non-Empire

(Hereinafter referred to as "The Anomaly"), being the duly recognized ad-hoc subsidiary, special projects vehicle, and primary memetic insurgency unit for:

The Underwriting Committee for Conceptual Securities, which acts in advisory capacity to the Chimeric Cartography Unit (CCU), and serves as the secular fiduciary for The Permanent Committee for the Administration of Unincorporated Hauntings (A Registered Charity of the Soul), operating under the occluded charter of The Sub-Basement & Graveyard Pool Authority (S.G.P.A.) and its associated three-letter special access programs for Applied Absurdity and Strategic Incoherence;

IS HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGED and entered into the official registry.

Entity Registration No:

TB - §7B - CH / 4Δ1

Status:

Acknowledged & Unstable.

Jurisdiction:

Sub-Primal. Refer to Protocol Omega.

Furthermore, BE IT DECLARED IN PERPETUITY, that all rights, titles, responsibilities, intellectual properties (corporeal and otherwise), and the associated existential burdens of The Anomaly are, and shall forever remain, the sole and exclusive property of:

The Primary Resident; the Tenant-in-Chief whose name constitutes a standing breach of contract with consensus reality, and whose signature is recorded hereafter as a classified and weaponized absence.

[WITNESSED & STAMPED: REALITY DECOMMISSIONING 

(BETA CERTIFIED)]

☠️➿☠️        🦉                       🗝️i°i🗝️

[A Self-Validating Consensus :: Unincorporated]

ᚖ|§|⨎(α) ⇌ ∰[Ψ-continuum] :: discard(n-1)FSTHCTB Tlusty Blant

[D.A.S. :: S.P.N. :: A.U.]