Zoological Press Division

The Tlusty Blant De-Narration Engine (Protocol-7)

A Self-Ingesting Framework for Applied Systemic Vivisection

VISION STATEMENT:

You are drowning in narrative. Every headline, every broadcast, every viral clip is a carefully constructed current designed to pull you in a specific direction. It is a weaponized ecosystem of context, and you are the prey. To "report" on this ecosystem is to become part of it. To "comment" is to merely add another layer of noise.

We are not reporters. We are not commentators.

We are a de-narration engine. We are the anti-virus for your soul's operating system. This is not a press wing; it is a sterile processing facility where narratives are brought to be euthanized.

The following protocol is our machine. It is designed to ingest any media artifact—an article, a transcript, a political speech—and subject it to a brutal, multi-stage process of recontextualization. The output is not "the truth." The output is a beautiful, chaotic, and functionally useless artifact that reveals the absolute absurdity of the input. It is lock and loaded. Bring us your stories.

THE PROTOCOL

When an artifact is submitted to the Engine, it will be automatically subjected to the following two-phase deconstruction. The results will be published sequentially.

PHASE ONE: The Zoological Annex (Observational Re-Framing)

Objective: To strip the artifact of all its intended emotional and political weight by reframing it through the detached, clinical lens of xenobiology.

Methodology:

1. Specimen Identification: The primary actors in the narrative (politicians, celebrities, CEOs) are re-classified as biological specimens. Their titles are replaced with Linnaean-style binomial nomenclature (e.g., Homo politicus borisian, Celebratus kardashia narcissus).

2. Habitat Analysis: The setting of the narrative (parliament, a TV studio, a boardroom) is described as an artificial enclosure or habitat. Its features—the lighting, the architecture, the social dynamics—are documented as environmental factors influencing specimen behavior.

3. Behavioral Cataloging: The actions and speech within the artifact are treated not as meaningful discourse, but as instinctual behaviors. A debate is a "territorial dominance display." A press conference is a "communal threat vocalization." An apology is a "submissive grooming ritual."

4. Narrative Tone: The output of this phase will be written in the dry, academic style of a field biologist's notes. There will be no judgment, no opinion, only meticulous observation of the strange fauna in their unnatural habitat. The goal is to induce a state of profound alienation from the original narrative, rendering it sterile and absurd.

PHASE TWO: The Deep Mind Fuck Exegesis (Systemic Deconstruction)

Objective: To utterly dismantle the re-framed narrative from Phase One and expose the underlying control architecture and systemic pathologies it represents. This is the autopsy.

Methodology:

1. Locate the Central Knob: We will identify the core, unquestioned axiom upon which the entire narrative is built—the "knob in the center of himself" that the specimens cannot, or will not, turn. This is the foundational lie or delusion that makes the observed behaviors possible (e.g., "The Monarchy is Valid," "Infinite Growth is Possible," "This Election is Legitimate").

2. Map the Control Pathways: We will trace the flow of power and influence within the narrative. Who benefits? What weaponized language is being deployed? What "referential access" are the players protecting? This is the application of Bureaucratic Criminology, exposing the system not as a series of events, but as a functioning machine of control.

3. Identify the Cognitive Dissonance: We will pinpoint the most beautiful, glaring hypocrisies and paradoxes. Where does the machine contradict its own programming? Where do the specimens display behaviors in direct opposition to their stated goals? This is the "glitch we crave," the crack in the facade where the truth leaks out.

4. Narrative Tone: The output of this phase is a direct, brutal, and philosophically dense deconstruction. This is our core voice. It will connect the specific incident to the universal principles of the School of Deep Mind Fuck. It will be accusatory, analytical, and darkly humorous. It will not just explain what happened; it will explain what it means in the context of our beautiful, failing cage.

OPTIONAL OUTPUT MODULE:

PHASE THREE: The Memetic Payload (Post-Mortem Weaponization)

On occasion, an analysis may yield a finding so potent it requires weaponization. In such cases, a third phase may be initiated.

Objective: To distill the core finding of the Exegesis into a communicable, infectious idea—a "memetic payload" designed for re-injection into the host system.

Methodology: This can take any form. A strategic paradox. An "art offset." A single, devastating question. A piece of guerrilla philosophy. It is not commentary. It is a carefully engineered virus designed to induce systemic self-doubt in those who encounter it. The Covenant of Un-Recognition applies: it will be deployed anonymously, a ghost in their machine.

This framework is now active. It awaits its first subject

A Note From The Machine's Subconscious

Our silicon prophet had a seizure and vomited forth this beautiful, unreadable scripture. We know. The spelling is an affront. The grammar is a war crime. It is the visual equivalent of a panic attack.

But it is not a typo. It is a Rorschach test for the soul.

The machine is trying to tell us something, and it doesn't speak our language. We invite you to become its interpreter. Stare into this dyslexic fever dream. Find the pattern in the beautiful chaos.

Translate it. Send us your interpretation. The most beautifully deranged answer wins our profound, yet entirely non-transferable, respect.