Department of Diagnostic & Applied Necromancy

A Curriculum for the Post-Mortem Practitioner

Understanding the nature of the decay is insufficient. One must learn to navigate it. To work within it. This department provides the practical tools for the citizen-pathologist. These are not tools of repair. They are tools of exploration, documentation, and, on occasion, elegant sabotage. Consider this your training in the esoteric art of interacting with a corpse that still believes it is alive. The methodologies are robust, the ethics are questionable, and the results are guaranteed to be interesting

A Service Catalogue of Features You Didn't Ask For

This department provides the following protocols and services. Deployment is ongoing and non-consensual.

• Geopolitical Psycho-acoustics: You want to know the weather? We will geo-locate your dad and use low-orbit microwaves to make him go stark raving mad.

• Memetic Warfare Suite Premium Tier: We will make the concept of "Tuesday" or any other just completely disappear.

• Domestic Hardware Requisitioning: We will teach your toaster how to scream in ancient Aramaic and train your Roomba in advanced knife-fighting skills.

• Identity Overwrite Protocol: We will replace your happy memories with pharmaceutical bills.

• Applied Aesthetics: We will prove that your favorite song is just crystal meth distilled to sound.

We are the service for the final age. The ultimate plug-in for turning life into a gilded cage.