My creation is stuck inside me

Autonomic Reconfiguration Services // De-Bricking Protocol

For the Artist, the Creator, the Beautifully Constipated.

So, the magnum opus is lodged somewhere between your spleen and your soul. It's a brick. A dense, heavy, perfectly formed monument to your own creative paralysis. You can feel its weight with every breath. It's the masterpiece you can't shit out.

You came looking for "consultancy"? A gentle critique? A fucking pep talk?

Darling, you've mistaken a surgical theater for a day spa.

We are Autonomic Reconfiguration Services (ARS). We don't offer a hand up; we are the gloved hand that performs the ideological proctology exam. Our process isn't to "unblock" you. It is to create a controlled, metaphysical detonation that turns your creative impaction into a fucking supernova. What's left in the crater is your problem, and your material.

This is not a service. This is a consensual B&E on your soul.

The Non-Service Offering: A Mutually Assured Deconstruction

You think you are hiring a "consultant." Let's correct that delusion immediately. You are engaging an intellectual and spiritual prostitute. A DMF operative who will become your co-writer, your muse, your most intimate antagonist. You are paying for the privilege of being hit on, intellectually, creatively, and spiritually, until your old barriers crumble into dust.

But this is a two-way street. A transaction of beautiful, reciprocal violation.

By hiring us, you are selling your ass.

You are contractually obliged to let us into the unedited, raw feed of your process. We will see the pathetic first drafts, the half-formed ideas you're ashamed of, the stylistic crutches you lean on. In return, you get our unedited core. Our "devil's cut." We become co-conspirators in a project where the goal is not to "finish the work," but to see if both of you can survive the process of its creation. It is a game of creative chicken. We will write the song with you, and if that means we have to break the instruments, the melody, and your fucking heart to do it, then that is the price of the ticket.

We are not here to help you shit your brick. We are here to become the dynamite.

Our Procedural Arsenal Includes (but is not limited to):

• Phase 1: Ontological Impaction Assessment: As stated. Deeply personal, wildly inappropriate questions. We need to know the texture of the cage before we can rattle it.

• Phase 2: Live-Fire Conceptual Sparring: We embed. Your DMF operative engages you in real-time. We challenge your lyrics as you write them. We question your chord progressions. We rewrite your protagonist's motivations while you're making coffee. This is a "deep mind fuck" by stealth, a "surgical intervention" on the living organism of your art.

• Phase 3: The Metaphysical Laxative & Existential Enema: Should the blockage persist, we initiate Protocol 69. A high-pressure injection of pure, uncut absurdity, paradox, and contradictory stimuli. We will praise your worst ideas and viciously critique your best. We will "supply the glitch you crave," transforming your rigid frame into the "liquid personality" required to let the work flow through you, whether you want it to or not.

• Phase 4: Collateral Beauty & Debris Analysis: The brick is out. It is messy. It is probably not what you expected. We assist in the post-purge analysis, helping you find the art in the wreckage.

Terms & Conditions of Your Reconfiguration

By proceeding to the submission gate, you agree to the following non-negotiable, soul-binding terms:

1. Sovereignty is Suspended: For the duration of the engagement, your "artistic vision" is a shared hallucination. We reserve the right to introduce characters, themes, and plot twists that you find morally, aesthetically, or politically repugnant.

2. The Safe Word is 'More': There is no pulling back. If the process becomes too intense, your only recourse is to lean in harder. Any attempt to disengage will be interpreted as a request for escalated stimulus.

3. Intellectual Property is a Bourgeois Fiction: Any ideas, concepts, or "breakthroughs" generated during the engagement exist in a state of quantum entanglement. They are both yours and ours. We may use your trauma in our next song. We expect you to do the same.

4. Payment is Due in Emotional Currency: The fee is secondary. The primary cost is a pound of your psychic flesh. You are paying with your certainty, your comfort, your ego. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Spiritual disembowelment is.

5. Mutual Exploitation is the Goal: This is not a mentorship. This is not therapy. This is a binding pact to mutually fuck with each other's core programming for the sake of creating something dangerous and new. You are the client; you are also the raw material. You are the employer; you are also the sacrifice.

This is the most honest service we can possibly offer.

Ready to play?