We know a little bit about post-partum depression, which I equate with a natural process of deep cognitive and emotional re-organization as a new mother adjusts to the enormity of caring for a newborn baby and raising a child to adulthood.

I have recently been thinking if there is an equivalent experience for the primary caregiver embarking on in-home elder care. There is this deep re-organization going on in my own cognitive and emotional life as I come to terms with the enormity that I am responsible for the health and well-being of my mother, and that, eventually, if everything goes according to plan, she will expire on my watch.

How do I make sense of these responsibilities, expectations, assumptions and realities?

Perhaps it is normal that I have been experiencing a deep and persistent depression - not obvious to the casual observer - Mom is exceeding expectations for life expectancy and her day to day quality of life. She is very happy and grateful to be home with me. It is a depression that surfaces in the absence of immediate demands for my attention, coordination, logistics, planning, monitoring (care). It is a depression that saps my motivation to sit down at my desk and attempt to complete billable work.

I just wonder if this isn't a similar phenomena - the monumental adjustment to this new, temporal situation. That is not designed to last, but is designed to make it last as long as possible. And the proof of success is a happy, content, secure geriatric parent.

I wonder what it does to one's own emotional and mental equilibrium when the first task of the day is to confirm Mom is breathing and the second task is to empty the commode. The third task is to fetch her dentures from the bathroom and the fourth task is make her a cup of tea to drink in bed.