We had Thanksgiving dinner here yesterday afternoon.

My sister ordered and purchased the turkey and most of the groceries. We purchased additional groceries and made the house ready.

The menu:

Roast turkey with stuffing

Fresh cranberry sauce

Brussel sprouts

Mashed potatoes

Gravy

Green salad in vinaigrette dressing

Pumpkin pie w/ whipped cream

My sister arrived with turkey and stuffing ingredients at 12 pm. Turkey and stuffing prep took an hour and the turkey was in the oven at 1 pm. My sister was head chef, my son was chef's assistant, as she taught him how to prepare a turkey for roasting, including stitching up the skin and trussing the bird with orange slices.

Between 1 and 3:30 pm we had a lull - more groceries were purchased, naps were taken, my sister took Mom out for a walk in her wheelchair.

We reconvened in the kitchen at 3:30 to prep and cook potatoes, brussel sprouts, and salad. Dinner was served at 5 pm.

Mom sat in her big green chair, there were 5 of us at the table. One was upstairs sleeping after a hard day of work. The turkey was tender, the stuffing was delicious, the cranberries were tart, the brussel sprouts were sweet and the mashed potatoes buttery with flecks of pepper, the gravy was rich, thick and smooth.

We ate and talked, Mom chiming in with her witticisms when the spirit moved her. It was the first time Mom hosted us for Thanksgiving Dinner in more than 50 years. Talk about fulfillment.

After dinner we pulled out the dulcimer and guitar and sang songs, Mom dancing in her chair and singing as loud as the rest of us.

We played Bridge - one of Mom's favourite games. My son had never played before, but he was able to it up and we played four hands. I was partnered with Mom, she is a very savvy trick taker. My son and sister were partners and they cleaned up on their bids.

By then my brother came down from his late nap and grabbed a plate of food. Mom, my sister, my brother and I settled in for two hilarious hands of crib. Lots of yelling and gleeful point taking.

In an around all this the dishes got done and the food put away. My sister loaded her turkey roasting pan and dulcimer back into her van to drive home. Mom toddled off for her before-bedtime nap. Everyone else wandered back to their own corners of the house.

As I was loading up the dishwasher for the second load my husband came down and we had late snacks at the dinner / card table.

I think one of the keys to our successful Thanksgiving plan was having the dinner on Saturday, instead of Sunday. It was a lower key affair, relaxed, no heightened expectations for grandiose results. There weren't too many people. It was pretty quiet, except for family chit chat as food was prepared. It was relatively simple, the turkey was the most elaborate item on the menu. The menu itself, was not too complicated. It being Saturday, it was easy to run out and pick up things that had been forgotten. There were still pumpkin pies left at the local bakery.

One of the factors that is key to Mom's enjoyment is the quality of the emotional tone of an event. When everyone is keyed up and there is a lot of energy, Mom becomes more agitated and is more likely to exhibit anxious or aggressive behaviour. When we are all relaxed, coming and going, sharing our thoughts and feelings, Mom becomes calm and quiet, listening to what is going on and enjoying time with her family.

Caregiving is hard, it is also sublime. And I guess we couldn't have it any other way.