Trump Goes into election boasting of the “Best Pandemic in the world”

Yeah, it’s true. I always bring the best to everything I do. Look at us, more cases than India, and more deaths than anywhere too. Imagine it, even a third world country with three times the population can’t do as well. Yu Ess Ay!"

The Russian asset and US president continued: "My friend and confidant Vladimir suggested poison as a way of dealing with enemies, and Coronavirus is an enemy- so you understand that whole bleach thing."

"Good news, for real Americans, we won’t have to pay for old people’s homes, as there won’t be any left alive."

"Give me four more years and I’ll complete what I started- don’t forget your Russian lessons."

The new Secretary of Defence, Sergei Moltov remarked "This is much easier than I imagined, just tell Trump he looks good with that orange thing on his head, and he'll let you do anything. I'm so grateful to America - even a humble Russian spy can grow up to be a cabinet member."