A spokesvulgarity clarified: “The President’s Covid 19 strain has gold trimmed RNA, the finest Italian marble protein spike, a capsid made with exotic leather from endangered animals and a lipid envelope of the finest silks. Our President expects and gets the very classiest infections, nothing cheap and tawdry.”

She continued: “The president will be expecting Covid 19 to be paying rent for its stay in his body, failing that, the US taxpayer will be expected to reimburse the president $1,000 for every cell infected. That should go a long way towards paying off his debts.”

The Orange one himself added: “This just shows how popular I am among microorganisms. I think we should give viruses the vote and get rid of those Ni…” at which point a member of staff covered Trump’s mouth- “For health reasons.”