To win election Trump unveils: “Alternative Maths”

A Spokestraw, Ms Clutching, explained: “The President is down nearly 200,000 votes - and there are several thousand votes in dispute. The task might seem hopeless. Yet when you use alternative maths, 200,000 – 2,000 = 0 and the President wins.”

Digging herself deeper, she continued: “It’s well known, as President Trump just said it, that arithmetic has a longstanding liberal bias. Another example should help you understand- counting is clearly a never Trumper, as this method wrongly suggests the million MAGA march, was a ten thousand MAGA march. What clearer anti Trump bias could I give you?"

"The President has also been treated cruelly by conventional accountancy; it implies he can’t run his businesses any better than a five-year-old. That can only mean one thing- accountancy is a puppet of Socialists.”

“The next Trump administration will unveil an entirely new way of looking at things, through alternate maths. The two term limit becomes the twenty term limit, the President will go from owing four hundred million, to owning New York.”