Baby Trump loses his rattle: “Not fair, Joe stole it, give it back”

Things looked grim for the First Infant today, as he reported that Joe stole his rattle. A Spokesnanny announced: “Baby Trump is going to hold his breath until someone gives his rattle back, even if he turns blue. Please give his rattle back, or he'll launch a nuclear strike."

From his crib in the situation room, the Toddler in Chief screamed: “So those bogey men in Pennsylvania had better give it back. All those votes are mine too. I want ice cream. Everyone’s mean to me.”

After a hearty breakfast of three hamburgers and four diet cokes, the juvenile continued: “And, and, the monster in Arizona - it came from under my cot and took my toys and won’t give them back. Bwahhhhh!” At this point, Baby Trump’s lawyer gave him another law suit, which seemed to calm him for a few hours.

However, before he was burped, he took time out to launch a first strike against Georgia, justifying it by saying "You used to be on my side, I'm telling on you"