Influencers declared vermin

The Department of Agriculture has declared influencers as vermin that can be shot on sight.  Sick of influencers hogging beauty spots and trampling flowers for the perfect backdrop, many have said the move is long overdue. A spokesgrain explained: “They’re breeding like rabbits, even my dog has three thousand followers for his “Postman flavoured meaty bites” account. And speaking of rabbits, have you looked at my 'Rabbits for all occasions' YouTube channel?”

Interrupting the shilling of Prada forks, $3,000 a night hotels, gold plated iPhones, and clothes costing as much as a new car, a Spokesnarcissist commented: “Of course, we do deserve it, but we’re all so pretty and muscly, how else to get girls to spend three hours in front of the mirror without us? How could you convince guys to live for the gym otherwise? We perform a public service.”