Exxon plays to strength – Chooses evil as corporate strategy

A Spokescarbon elaborated: “When you think Exxon, you think Exxon Valdez, buying politicians, funding climate deniers and a deep and intense love of money. In short, evil gives us brand recognition. You know when you see Exxon on a ship, or a building - something profoundly bad for the humanity is happening. We need to leverage that into brand awareness.” Exxon executives will be retitled demons, and the CEO, Beelzebub in chief.

“In light of Shell and BP pivoting to renewables and pledging climate neutrality, we stand out. Yes, we’re going to pump every last bit of CO2 into the atmosphere we can, until the earth boils, quite handy for hell. If we also trash a bit of rainforest, or spill a bit of oil on a pristine coastline- that’s just icing on the evil-cake. Our old logo has to go though. We’re thinking something like a man-goat hybrid with a pitchfork.”

A Republican party politician commented: “See that Mercedes, I call it the ExXon, same with the swimming pool and mansion. I’ve got to say, evil sure pays well. Global warming is a- a socialist plot!! I just gotta to say that once a day and the river of cash keeps flowing. Aren’t they great!”