Communicating - Comensa Behavioural Standard 2

Behavioural Competency 2: Communication in Coaching (What It Really Means)

Most coaches think communication is about asking good questions.

COMENSA Behavioural Competency 2 goes much deeper than that.

It is not about speaking well.

It is about how you create awareness, autonomy, and behavioural change through every interaction.

In simple terms:

Great coaching communication doesn’t give answers — it creates thinking.

1. The Core Purpose of Coaching Communication

At the heart of COMENSA coaching is this principle:

• Not to advise

• Not to direct

• Not to solve

But to:

• Enable insight

• Increase awareness

• Strengthen client autonomy

• Support behavioural change through reflection

This shifts the coach from being an “expert with answers” to a facilitator of thinking.

And that changes everything.

2. The 4 Foundations of COMENSA Communication Competency

1. Communicate to enable insight, not dependence

This is one of the most important distinctions in coaching.

If your communication creates reliance on you, you are not coaching — you are consulting.

Instead, effective coaching communication:

• Asks questions that create reflection

• Reflects patterns back to the client

• Avoids giving solutions disguised as advice

Example shift:

❌ “You should wake up earlier.”
✅ “What impact does your current morning routine have on your energy and results?”

One creates dependence.
The other creates awareness.

2. Adjust behaviour to serve client awareness and growth

Coaching communication is not rigid.

It is responsive.

A skilled coach adapts in real time:

• Slow down when emotion rises

• Simplify when confusion appears

• Go deeper when insight emerges

• Pause when silence is meaningful

This requires presence, not scripts.

A key coaching question becomes:

“What does this client need right now to become more aware?”

Not:

“What do I want to say next?”

3. Create clarity, safety, and accountability through interaction

Communication in coaching must do three things at once:

Clarity

Bring structure to chaos:

• “What exactly is the challenge here?”

• “What does success look like?”

Safety

Create space for honesty:

• “Take your time with this.”

• “There’s no right answer here.”

Accountability

Build ownership, not pressure:

• “What action feels realistic for you?”

• “How will you know you followed through?”

Notice what is missing:
There is no forcing. No commanding. No controlling.

Only ownership.

4. Maintain ethical, non-directive communication

This is the ethical foundation of coaching.

Non-directive communication means:

• You do not impose your opinions as truth

• You do not lead clients toward your preferred answers

• You do not replace their thinking with your own

Instead, you consistently return ownership:

“What feels right for you?”

Even when you have insight, the role is not to insert it as instruction — but to use it as reflection.

3. The Hidden Skill: Listening Beyond Words

This is where coaching becomes mastery.

Most people listen to respond.

Coaches listen to understand what is unspoken.

This includes:

• Tone shifts

• Emotional energy

• Pauses and silence

• Contradictions in language

• Avoidance patterns

Example:
A client says:

“I’m fine with my job”

But their tone is flat. Their energy drops.

A coach doesn’t accept or correct.

A coach explores:

“Something shifted when you said that — what’s happening there?”

4. Pattern Recognition: The Real Coaching Edge

Beyond listening is pattern recognition.

Coaches begin to hear:

• Repeated behaviours

• Limiting beliefs

• Identity statements

• Emotional loops

For example:

• “I always fail under pressure”

• “I’m just not disciplined”

• “I can’t stay consistent”

These are not problems.

They are belief systems running behaviour.

And coaching works at the level of awareness — not instruction.

5. Identity-Level Listening (The Deepest Layer)

Surface problems sound like:

• “I struggle with time management”

Identity-level statements sound like:

• “I am not good enough to stay consistent”

This is the turning point in coaching.

Because:

• Behaviour can be coached

• Identity must be made conscious

A powerful coaching reflection:

“That sounds like a belief about yourself, not just a situation — where do you think that comes from?”

6. The Golden Rule of COMENSA Communication

If you strip everything down, COMENSA Behavioural Competency 2 is built on one rule:

Say less so the client can think more.

Not:

• Fixing

• Advising

• Directing

But:

• Listening deeply

• Reflecting meaning

• Creating awareness

• Returning ownership

Final Thought

Great coaches don’t sound impressive.

They sound present.

They don’t dominate conversations.

They create space where clients hear themselves clearly for the first time.

That is COMENSA Communication Competency 2:

Not communication as performance.

But communication as transformation.

Below are 30 COMENSA-style competency questions focused on coaching communication, listening, ethics, and behavioural competence. Each has 4 options (A–D). Answers are listed at the end.

COMENSA Coaching Competency Test (30 Questions)

QUESTIONS

1.

A client says: “I always fail when things get hard.” What is the BEST coaching response?
A. “You should try to be more disciplined”
B. “Why do you always fail?”
C. “What do you notice happens when things start getting difficult?”
D. “That’s not true, you’ve succeeded before”

2.

What is the PRIMARY purpose of coaching communication?
A. Giving expert advice
B. Creating client dependence on the coach
C. Enabling client awareness and insight
D. Solving the client’s problems directly

3.

A coach interrupts a client frequently to offer solutions. This is:
A. Effective coaching
B. Directive coaching style
C. Poor listening and reduces client autonomy
D. Advanced intervention technique

4.

Which statement reflects identity-level listening?
A. “You struggle with time management”
B. “You are bad at planning”
C. “I notice a pattern where you say you are ‘not good enough’ in this area”
D. “You need better tools for planning”

5.

What is MOST important when a client is silent?
A. Fill the silence quickly
B. Move to the next question
C. Allow space for reflection
D. Give advice to help them move forward

6.

Which question best demonstrates non-directive coaching?
A. “Have you tried waking up earlier?”
B. “What do you think you should do?”
C. “What options are you considering?”
D. “Why haven’t you fixed this yet?”

7.

A coach notices emotional tension in a client’s voice. The BEST response is:
A. Ignore it and continue
B. “What’s wrong with you?”
C. “I notice a shift in your tone—what’s happening for you right now?”
D. “Calm down and continue”

8.

What is the role of reflection in coaching?
A. Repeating exactly what the client said
B. Interpreting and summarising meaning and emotion
C. Giving advice based on what was said
D. Challenging the client aggressively

9.

Which behaviour violates COMENSA ethical coaching?
A. Asking powerful questions
B. Suggesting a strategy as the only solution
C. Helping client explore options
D. Reflecting client awareness

10.

What does “hearing what is NOT being said” mean?
A. Guessing client thoughts
B. Focusing only on silence
C. Noticing emotional gaps, avoidance, and contradictions
D. Ignoring client words

11.

A client says: “Everything is fine” but avoids eye contact and speaks flatly. The coach should:
A. Accept the statement at face value
B. Explore possible underlying emotion
C. End the session
D. Give advice

12.

What is the risk of giving too much advice in coaching?
A. Client becomes more independent
B. Client loses ownership and becomes dependent
C. Client improves faster
D. Session becomes shorter

13.

Which is a powerful coaching question?
A. “Did you try harder?”
B. “Why did you fail again?”
C. “What patterns do you notice in how this keeps happening?”
D. “Don’t you think you should change?”

14.

What does “creating psychological safety” mean?
A. Avoiding all difficult topics
B. Making client feel judged so they improve
C. Creating a space where client can speak honestly without fear
D. Leading client toward correct answers

15.

What is the BEST response to a limiting belief?
A. “That’s wrong”
B. “You are not thinking correctly”
C. “Where do you think that belief comes from?”
D. “Stop thinking like that”

16.

A coach should primarily focus on:
A. Their own expertise
B. The client’s awareness and thinking process
C. Giving instructions
D. Solving problems quickly

17.

Which statement shows pattern recognition?
A. “You are stressed today”
B. “You always fail”
C. “I notice this tends to happen when pressure increases”
D. “Try harder next time”

18.

What is the role of silence in coaching?
A. Something to avoid
B. A tool for reflection and insight
C. A sign of poor coaching
D. A reason to give advice

19.

What does “non-directive communication” mean?
A. The coach leads the session
B. The coach avoids all questions
C. The coach does not impose solutions
D. The coach teaches skills directly

20.

A coach reflecting meaning should focus on:
A. Exact words only
B. Emotional and underlying meaning
C. Giving feedback on grammar
D. Correcting the client

21.

Which is a coaching trap?
A. Asking open questions
B. Over-listening
C. Jumping into problem-solving
D. Reflecting emotion

22.

What does “listening beyond words” include?
A. Only verbal content
B. Tone, emotion, pauses, energy
C. Advice opportunities
D. Coaching techniques only

23.

What is the best way to handle a client contradiction?
A. Ignore it
B. Challenge aggressively
C. Explore gently with curiosity
D. Correct the client

24.

A coach’s behaviour should primarily serve:
A. Their coaching model
B. Their personal opinion
C. Client awareness and growth
D. Session efficiency

25.

Which reflects identity-level language?
A. “I missed a deadline”
B. “I am someone who always fails under pressure”
C. “I had a bad day”
D. “I need better tools”

26.

What is the danger of leading questions?
A. They create clarity
B. They impose the coach’s thinking
C. They increase awareness
D. They improve accountability

27.

What is the BEST coaching response to emotion?
A. Fix it
B. Ignore it
C. Acknowledge and explore it
D. Stop the emotion

28.

What does accountability in coaching mean?
A. Pressure to perform
B. Client ownership of actions and decisions
C. Coach controlling outcomes
D. Setting strict rules

29.

What is the primary role of a coach in communication?
A. Expert advisor
B. Problem solver
C. Awareness facilitator
D. Instructor

30.

Which statement BEST reflects COMENSA coaching ethics?
A. “I will guide the client to the right answer”
B. “I will help the client discover their own insights”
C. “I will tell the client what works best”
D. “I will correct the client’s thinking”

Answers + Why

1. C

Because it explores the pattern and awareness, not advice or judgment. It helps the client reflect rather than reinforcing failure identity.

2. C

Coaching is about creating awareness and insight, not solving problems or giving answers.

3. C

Interrupting with solutions breaks client autonomy and deep listening, which are core coaching standards.

4. C

This reflects identity-level listening and shows awareness of belief systems, not surface behaviour.

5. C

Silence is often where processing and insight formation happens. Interrupting destroys reflection space.

6. C

This keeps responsibility with the client and opens exploration instead of directing action.

7. C

Good coaching notices non-verbal/emotional shifts and gently brings awareness to them without interpretation or judgment.

8. B

Reflection is not repetition—it is meaning-making + emotional summarising to deepen awareness.

9. B

Suggesting a single “best solution” shifts into advising/consulting, which violates non-directive coaching.

10. C

Coaching requires awareness of hidden emotional signals, avoidance, contradictions, and gaps between words and energy.

11. B

Flat affect + “I’m fine” = likely mismatch. Coaching explores what is underneath the surface statement.

12. B

Too much advice creates dependency, where clients stop thinking for themselves.

13. C

This question explores patterns and self-awareness, not blame or correction.

14. C

Psychological safety means the client can speak openly without fear of judgment, correction, or punishment.

15. C

Coaching does not argue with beliefs. It explores where beliefs come from and how they operate.

16. B

The coach is a facilitator of thinking, not an expert solving problems.

17. C

This identifies a repeatable behavioural/emotional pattern across situations, which is key coaching insight work.

18. B

Silence is a processing tool, not a gap to fix.

19. C

Non-directive means the coach does not impose solutions or control outcomes.

20. B

Meaning includes emotion, belief, identity, and context, not just words.

21. C

Problem-solving too early reduces awareness and keeps clients dependent on external answers.

22. B

Listening beyond words includes tone, pauses, energy shifts, emotional cues, and contradictions.

23. C

Contradictions are awareness opportunities, not mistakes to correct.

24. C

Everything in coaching is in service of client awareness and growth, not the coach’s framework or ego.

25. B

“I am…” statements reflect identity-level beliefs, which drive behaviour more than surface events.

26. B

Leading questions subtly insert the coach’s thinking, reducing client ownership and autonomy.

27. C

Emotion is not fixed or removed—it is acknowledged, held, and explored for meaning.

28. B

Accountability in coaching is about ownership, not pressure or enforcement.

29. C

The coach’s role is to facilitate awareness and thinking, not instruct or advise.

30. B

This is the foundation of COMENSA ethics: client self-discovery and autonomy over dependency or direction.

CORE PATTERN (what assessors are really testing)

Across all 30 questions, COMENSA is mainly checking if you:

• Stay non-directive

• Prioritise awareness over advice

• Listen for identity and patterns

• Maintain ethical client ownership

• Create reflection instead of instruction

In the COMENSA framework, Communication & Behavioural Competency is not just “how well you speak” — it is how effectively you create understanding, trust, psychological safety, and behavioural change through interaction.

Below is a complete, practical breakdown of what a coach is expected to know and demonstrate.

Communication & Behavioural Competency (COMENSA) — Full Breakdown

1. Core Principle of the Competency

A coach must be able to:

• Communicate in a way that enables insight, not dependence

• Adjust behaviour to serve the client’s awareness and growth

• Create clarity, safety, and accountability through interaction

• Maintain ethical, non-directive communication (coaching vs advising)

2. Foundational Communication Skills

Active Listening (deep level)

• Listening beyond words (tone, emotion, pauses)

• Hearing what is NOT being said

• Identifying patterns in language and belief systems

• Not interrupting or “fixing”

• Reflecting meaning, not just content

Key skill: Listening to identity-level statements (“I am not good enough”) vs surface problems (“I struggle with time”).

Powerful Questioning

• Open-ended questions (not yes/no)

• Questions that create awareness shifts

• Avoiding leading or biased questions

• Using:

  • Clarification questions

  • Exploration questions

  • Assumption-challenging questions

  • Future-pacing questions

Example:

• Weak: “Did you try planning better?”

• Strong: “What makes planning difficult for you in this situation?”

Reflective Communication

• Paraphrasing client statements accurately

• Mirroring emotional content

• Summarising sessions without distortion

• Helping client “hear themselves”

Silence Management

• Comfortable with pauses

• Allowing reflection time

• Not rushing to fill gaps

• Using silence as a thinking tool

3. Behavioural Competency (How the coach behaves)

Presence & Emotional Regulation

• Staying grounded under emotional intensity

• Not reacting to client emotion

• Maintaining neutrality and calm authority

• Managing personal triggers

Non-Judgemental Stance

• No moralising or labelling

• Accepting client worldview without resistance

• Separating behaviour from identity

Client-Centred Flexibility

• Adapting style to client needs

• Matching energy appropriately (calm vs energetic)

• Shifting approach based on emotional state

Ethical Behaviour in Communication

• No manipulation

• No dependency creation

• No imposing beliefs or frameworks

• Respecting client autonomy

4. Advanced Communication Skills

Reframing

• Changing perspective without giving advice

• Turning “problem statements” into “learning statements”

Example:

• “I keep failing” → “What is this pattern trying to teach you?”

Pattern Recognition in Language

A coach must identify:

• Repeated limiting beliefs

• Identity statements (“I am…”)

• Absolutes (“always”, “never”)

• Externalisation (“they make me…”)

Emotional Labeling

• Naming emotions accurately:

  • frustration

  • fear

  • shame

  • resistance

• Helping client connect emotion to behaviour

Challenging (Respectfully)

• Gently questioning contradictions

• Holding up a “truth mirror”

• Interrupting unhelpful narratives without aggression

Example:

• “You say this is important, yet your actions suggest otherwise — help me understand that gap.”

5. Behavioural Dynamics in Coaching Sessions

Managing Energy Flow

• Knowing when to:

  • slow down

  • intensify

  • pause

  • redirect

Creating Psychological Safety

• Client feels safe to:

  • admit truth

  • express emotion

  • challenge themselves

• No fear of judgement or correction

Building Trust Through Behaviour

Trust is created by:

• Consistency

• Accuracy of reflection

• Emotional attunement

• Integrity of communication

6. Communication Structure in a Coaching Session

A COMENSA-aligned coach typically follows:

1. Opening

• Set safety and intention

• Clarify focus

2. Exploration

• Deep listening

• Questioning

• Reflection

3. Awareness building

• Reframing

• Pattern identification

4. Action clarity

• Client-driven decisions

• No prescribing

5. Closing

• Summarise insights

• Confirm commitments

• Strengthen ownership

7. What Coaches Must Avoid (Critical)

• Giving advice disguised as coaching

• Over-talking or dominating sessions

• Asking closed questions repeatedly

• Jumping to solutions

• Diagnosing or labelling clients

• Emotional rescuing

• Leading the client toward your preferred outcome

8. Self-Awareness Requirement (Hidden Core of the Competency)

A COMENSA coach must continuously monitor:

• “Am I speaking to help them or to prove myself?”

• “Am I listening or waiting to respond?”

• “Am I neutral or attached to an outcome?”

• “Am I coaching or consulting?”

9. Real Definition of Mastery in This Competency

A highly competent coach:

• Says less but creates more insight

• Speaks in ways that increase client autonomy

• Makes the client more aware of their own thinking

• Communicates in a way that reduces dependency over time

These four ideas sound abstract until you translate them into repeatable communication behaviours. Below is a practical breakdown of how to actually do each one in a coaching session, with language patterns, mindset shifts, and examples.

1. Communicate in a way that enables insight, not dependence

What this really means

You are not trying to be the source of answers. You are trying to be the mirror that helps the client generate their own insight.

HOW to do it

A. Replace advice with curiosity

❌ Dependence:

• “You should try waking up earlier.”

• “What you need to do is…”

✅ Insight:

• “What have you noticed about your energy when you wake up early vs late?”

• “What options have you already considered?”

B. Use “thinking triggers” instead of solutions

Ask questions that force reflection:

• “What’s really driving this pattern?”

• “What would happen if nothing changed?”

• “What are you avoiding here?”

C. Reflect instead of direct

Client: “I always procrastinate.”

Coach:

• “You’re noticing a pattern of delay when pressure increases. What do you think that delay is doing for you?”

This turns dependence into self-discovery.

2. Adjust behaviour to serve the client’s awareness and growth

What this means

You don’t stick to a fixed coaching style. You shift your behaviour moment-by-moment based on what expands the client’s awareness.

HOW to do it

A. Match the client’s state first

• Emotional client → slow, calm, grounding tone

• Intellectual client → structured questioning

• Confused client → simplify and reflect

• Resistant client → slow down and explore resistance

B. Intervene only when awareness is blocked

You don’t talk more — you intervene precisely when needed:

• “Can I pause you there?”

• “What meaning are you making right now?”

• “What just shifted for you as you said that?”

C. Let go of your “agenda”

If you are trying to:

• be impressive

• finish a model

• show competence

You lose awareness focus.

Instead:

“What is this client becoming aware of right now?”

3. Create clarity, safety, and accountability through interaction

What this means

Your communication should make people:

• think clearly

• feel safe to be honest

• take ownership of actions

HOW to do it

A. Create CLARITY

Use structure in your questions:

• “What is the exact challenge here?”

• “What specifically is not working?”

• “What does success look like for you?”

Avoid vague talk.

B. Create SAFETY (without over-softening)

Safety is created by:

• not judging

• not rushing

• not correcting

Example language:

• “Take your time with this.”

• “There’s no right answer here.”

• “Say more about that.”

C. Create ACCOUNTABILITY (without pressure)

Instead of:
❌ “Will you commit to doing this?”

Use:
✅ “What action feels realistic for you from here?”
✅ “How will you know you’ve followed through?”

Then:

• “What might get in the way?”

• “How will you handle that?”

This creates ownership, not compliance.

4. Maintain ethical, non-directive communication (coaching vs advising)

What this means

You do NOT:

• tell people what to do

• insert your opinion as truth

• steer outcomes toward your preference

You DO:

• help them think clearly enough to decide

HOW to do it

A. Swap “telling” for “evoking”

❌ Advice:

• “You should change your business model.”

✅ Coaching:

• “What possibilities have you considered for your business model?”

• “What feels most aligned for you right now?”

B. Always return ownership

If you sense yourself leading:

• “What do YOU feel is the right next step?”

• “What decision are you leaning toward?”

C. Separate insight from instruction

You can share observations, but not directions:

✔ Allowed:

• “I’m noticing a pattern where you hesitate after clarity moments.”

❌ Not allowed:

• “So you need to stop hesitating.”

D. Check influence bias

Before speaking ask:

“Am I helping them think… or telling them what I think?”

If it’s telling → don’t say it.

SIMPLE SUMMARY MODEL (easy memory)

Insight > Advice

Ask questions that make them think.

Awareness > Control

Adapt to what expands clarity.

Safety + Clarity + Accountability > Pressure

Create space, structure, and ownership.

Coaching > Advising

Never replace their thinking with yours.

This is the core of coaching mastery—and it becomes real when you turn each principle into observable behaviour in session. I’ll break it down into what to do, what to listen for, and exact phrases you can use.

1. Listening beyond words (tone, emotion, pauses)

WHAT THIS MEANS

You are listening to:

• Tone (defensive, flat, excited, uncertain)

• Emotion under words (fear, shame, frustration)

• Pauses (thinking vs avoiding vs emotional processing)

HOW TO DO IT

A. Track emotional shifts, not content

Instead of following the story, track:

• When voice tightens → discomfort

• When speech speeds up → anxiety or excitement

• When silence appears → processing or emotional blockage

B. Name what you notice (gently)

• “I noticed your tone changed when you said that… what’s happening there?”

• “You went quiet there—what came up for you?”

This pulls hidden emotion into awareness.

C. Slow yourself down internally

Your job is NOT to respond quickly.
It is to observe longer than you speak.

Rule:

Listen 80%, speak 20%

2. Hearing what is NOT being said

WHAT THIS MEANS

You listen for:

• contradictions

• missing emotion

• avoided topics

• vague language hiding truth

HOW TO DO IT

A. Spot gaps between words and energy

Example:
Client: “I’m fine with my job” (flat tone, no energy)

Coach:

• “You said you’re fine—but it didn’t feel fully convincing. What’s underneath that?”

B. Listen for avoidance patterns

Watch for:

• changing topics quickly

• over-explaining

• intellectualising emotion

Then gently interrupt:

• “I notice we moved away from that quickly—what felt uncomfortable there?”

C. Follow emotional “hooks”

When something feels emotionally charged but unclear:

• pause

• go deeper into THAT moment

3. Identifying patterns in language and belief systems

WHAT THIS MEANS

You are listening for repeated mental structures, not just stories.

HOW TO DO IT

A. Watch for repeated phrases

Examples:

• “I always…”

• “I can’t…”

• “People don’t…”

• “It’s just how I am…”

These are belief systems in disguise.

B. Convert statements into patterns

Client:

• “I always procrastinate under pressure”

Coach recognition:

• Pattern: identity-linked avoidance under stress

Response:

• “This sounds like a consistent pattern for you under pressure—what do you notice about when it starts?”

C. Identify cause-story loops

Look for:

• blaming external factors

• fixed identity narratives

• repetition without learning

Then interrupt:

• “What’s the pattern you’re noticing across all these situations?”

4. Not interrupting or “fixing”

WHAT THIS MEANS

You are NOT:

• solving

• correcting

• advising

• rescuing

HOW TO DO IT

A. Use the “3-second rule”

Before responding:

• pause 3–5 seconds

• ask internally: What is being revealed here?

B. Hold discomfort instead of fixing it

When client struggles:

• resist filling silence

• resist giving solutions

Instead:

• “Stay with that for a moment—what’s coming up?”

C. Replace fixing with curiosity

❌ “You should try planning better”
✅ “What happens when you try to plan consistently?”

5. Reflecting meaning, not just content

WHAT THIS MEANS

You don’t repeat their words.
You reflect:

• emotional meaning

• underlying belief

• identity layer

HOW TO DO IT

A. Go one layer deeper than content

Client:

“I struggle with time management”

Surface reflection:

• “You struggle with time management”

Deep reflection:

• “It sounds like time feels like something you’re constantly chasing rather than controlling”

B. Reflect emotional truth

• “There seems to be frustration underneath this”

• “This feels heavy for you”

• “There’s a sense of pressure in how you’re describing this”

C. Summarise patterns, not events

• “I’m noticing a pattern where you start strong, then lose momentum when pressure builds”

6. Key skill: Identity-level vs surface-level listening

This is the highest coaching skill level.

SURFACE LEVEL (content)

• “I struggle with time”

• “I need better discipline”

• “I’m not productive”

IDENTITY LEVEL (what actually matters)

• “I am not disciplined”

• “I am someone who fails under pressure”

• “I am not good enough to stay consistent”

HOW TO WORK AT IDENTITY LEVEL

A. Listen for “I am” statements

• I am not good enough

• I am bad at this

• I am always like this

These are identity locks

B. Gently surface them

• “You said ‘I’m just not good at this’—is that how you see yourself in this area?”

C. Separate identity from behaviour

• “That sounds like a belief about yourself, not just a situation”

D. Create awareness shift (not reframe)

• “Where do you think that belief started?”

• “How has that identity been shaping your actions?”

SIMPLE MASTER RULES (MEMORISE THIS)

Listen for emotion, not story

Listen for patterns, not events

Listen for identity, not behaviour

Reflect meaning, not words

Stay curious, never fix

Under the COMENSA Behavioural Standards framework, Communicating refers to how the coach listens, responds, questions, reflects, and facilitates meaningful dialogue with the client.

It usually includes behaviours such as:

• Active listening

• Deep listening beyond words

• Clarifying and summarising

• Asking effective questions

• Using appropriate silence

• Reflecting feelings, values, and assumptions

• Demonstrating empathy and presence

• Checking understanding

• Communicating clearly and directly

• Using language appropriate to the client

• Observing non-verbal communication

• Helping clients articulate thoughts and emotions

• Encouraging exploration without leading

• Challenging respectfully and appropriately

• Remaining client-centred during conversations

• Avoiding advice-giving unless explicitly contracted

• Managing emotional conversations professionally

• Demonstrating cultural sensitivity in communication

• Using tone and pacing effectively

• Supporting client self-expression

• Maintaining focus on the client’s agenda

Typical behavioural indicators under “Communicating” often include:

• The coach listens more than speaks

• Questions provoke reflection and awareness

• Responses are concise and purposeful

• The coach does not interrupt unnecessarily

• The coach notices patterns and contradictions

• Communication creates clarity and insight

• The client feels heard and understood

This category overlaps strongly with:

• Active Listening

• Presence

• Powerful Questioning

• Direct Communication

from frameworks such as the International Coaching Federation PCC and MCC competencies.

Here’s a structured breakdown of all 9 behavioural standards and their criteria from the framework.

2. Communicating

Able to:

• Listen actively

• Use open questions

• Provide direct feedback that serves the client.

CCC

• Gives attentive responses

• Uses similar language and nuance to client

• Questions mainly gather information

• Sometimes asks leading questions

CSC

• Follows both spoken and unspoken communication

• Uses questions to explore deeper meaning

• Tracks what is said and unsaid

• Begins generating broader thinking

CMC

• Uses questions that:

  • challenge assumptions

  • create insight

  • raise self-awareness

  • facilitate learning

• Uses questions to generate entirely new awareness

• Communicates with high precision and presence

3. Building Trust and Rapport

Able to:

• Establish trust

• Maintain safe space

• Discuss fear and doubt openly.

CCC

• Adjusts tone/pitch/pace empathetically

• Enables sharing of some fears and concerns

CSC

• Enables deeper sharing

• Client expresses emotions more freely

• Coach empathises consistently

CMC

• Helps uncover unrealised concerns and hopes

• Notices absence of trust

• Discusses trust openly and directly

• Creates deep psychological safety

4. Creating Awareness and Opportunities for Learning

Able to:

• Provide meaningful insight

• Help clients recognise impact of thoughts/feelings

• Use own experience appropriately.

CCC

• Fairly direct but softens feedback

• Invested in own interpretations

• Sometimes imposes meaning

• Stimulates some new thinking

CSC

• More direct with insight

• Sometimes hesitates to challenge fully

• Invites awareness of impact

• Shares experience in detached way

CMC

• Shares insights freely without attachment

• Trusts client’s own responses

• Creates space for insight emergence

• Comfortable with uncertainty

• Connects deeply without imposing

• Values connection over methods

5. Designing Actions and Managing Accountability

Able to:

• Develop coaching plans

• Maintain focus

• Promote ownership and accountability.

CCC

• Co-creates action plans

• Defines outcomes and steps

• Uses measurements

• Tracks timelines

CSC

• Builds clarity and purpose

• Links actions to client values/meaning

• Encourages management of gaps

• Reinforces accountability

CMC

• Designs evaluation into execution flow

• Promotes self-governance

• Helps client understand strengths/weaknesses

• Encourages resilience and ownership

6. Building Self-Awareness

Able to:

• Understand own strengths/weaknesses

• Identify bias/prejudice

• Take responsibility.

CCC

• Respects diversity

• Accepts different viewpoints

• Shows flexibility

• Moves process through partnership

CSC

• Reflects openly with client

• Open to being impacted

• Builds resonance with client

CMC

• Maintains curiosity

• Trusts coaching process deeply

• Demonstrates groundedness

• Operates without needing certainty

7. Creating Opportunities for Own Personal and Professional Growth

Able to:

• Seek feedback

• Commit to lifelong learning

• Participate in supervision and CPD.

CCC

• Meets supervision requirements

CSC

• Meets supervision requirements

• Meets CPD requirements

CMC

• Fully maintains supervision and CPD requirements

• Demonstrates advanced professional development commitment

8. Maintaining a Coaching Presence

Able to:

• Be fully present

• Manage emotions

• Separate own agenda from client agenda.

CCC

• Sometimes distracted by own performance/emotions

• Attempts to stay present

CSC

• Chooses appropriate coaching tools

• Remains present while guiding toward solutions

CMC

• Fully connected with observer mindset

• Focuses on whole client

• Learns from client

• Remains present regardless of what arises

9. Managing Diversity

Able to:

• Work with diversity and culture

• Address prejudice and bias

• Adapt coaching style to context.

CCC

• Respects diversity

• Accepts differing viewpoints

• Recognises systemic context

• Notices prejudice and bias

CSC

• Adapts coaching style

• Explores system impact

• Examines behavioural impact of bias

• Challenges assumptions and values

CMC

• Explores worldview and paradigms

• Handles ambiguity and complexity

• Understands systemic relationships deeply

• Personalises coaching while integrating contextual awareness

You can also refer directly to the uploaded framework:

• Contracting → pages 1–2

• Communicating → pages 2–3

• Trust/Rapport → page 3

• Awareness/Learning → pages 3–4

• Actions/Accountability → page 4

• Self-Management → pages 5–6

• Diversity → page 7

In the International Coaching Federation framework, “communication” is not a single competency on its own. It is embedded across several core competencies in the ICF Core Competency Model (updated 2021).

Below are the exact competencies that make up “communication in coaching” and how they are defined in practice.

ICF Communication in Coaching — Core Competencies

1. Demonstrates Ethical Practice

Communication begins with how you show up ethically in conversation:

• Clear agreements about coaching role and boundaries

• Honest communication about process and expectations

• Maintaining confidentiality

• Avoiding misleading claims or promises

👉 Communication here = integrity in what you say and don’t say

2. Embodies a Coaching Mindset

This is internal communication that shows up externally:

• Staying curious instead of judgmental

• Managing your own internal reactions before responding

• Not imposing your beliefs or agenda

• Being fully present in dialogue

👉 Communication here = presence behind the words

3. Establishes and Maintains Agreements

Communication is used to:

• Clarify coaching goals

• Define session outcomes

• Confirm understanding of what is being worked on

• Re-contract when direction shifts

Key skill:

• “What would you like to focus on today?”

👉 Communication here = structuring clarity through dialogue

4. Cultivates Trust and Safety (VERY communication-heavy)

This is one of the most important communication competencies.

It includes:

• Active listening without interruption

• Acknowledging emotions and perspectives

• Respecting client identity and experience

• Using language that is non-judgmental and supportive

• Allowing silence

👉 Communication here = emotional safety through language and presence

5. Maintains Presence

This is subtle but deeply communicative:

• Fully engaged listening (not thinking ahead)

• Responding to what is happening in the moment

• Not rushing or filling silence

• Adjusting tone and energy to match client state

👉 Communication here = how you respond in real time

6. Listens Actively (CORE COMMUNICATION COMPETENCY)

This is the closest direct “communication skill” in ICF.

It includes:

• Listening for meaning, not just words

• Hearing emotions, values, and beliefs

• Noticing patterns and contradictions

• Reflecting back what is heard

Key ICF expectation:

The coach listens more than they speak.

👉 Communication here = deep listening + accurate reflection

7. Evokes Awareness (ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILL)

This is where communication becomes transformational.

It includes:

• Asking powerful, open-ended questions

• Using silence effectively

• Sharing observations without judgment

• Helping the client connect dots

Example:

• “What do you notice about how you show up in these situations?”

👉 Communication here = questions that create insight

8. Facilitates Client Growth (Outcome of communication)

Communication is used to:

• Support decision-making

• Encourage reflection on learning

• Help client design actions

• Strengthen accountability

👉 Communication here = turning insight into action through dialogue

SUMMARY: What “Communication” REALLY means in ICF

ICF does NOT treat communication as:

• speaking well

• giving advice

• being persuasive

Instead, communication is spread across 5 key abilities:

1. Listening deeply

2. Asking powerful questions

3. Reflecting meaning

4. Creating psychological safety

5. Holding presence without directing

SIMPLE DIFFERENCE (ICF vs most people think)

Weak understanding

ICF communication

Talking well

Listening deeply

Giving advice

Evoking awareness

Explaining ideas

Asking questions

Solving problems

Creating thinking space