Conflict Resolution Coaching Plan

1. Coaching Purpose

Help the client (or couple) to:

• Understand their conflict patterns

• Reduce escalation and emotional reactivity

• Communicate needs clearly under pressure

• Repair conflicts faster and more effectively

• Build emotional regulation and accountability

• Create healthier, safer relational dynamics

2. Coaching Scope & Boundaries

Conflict often overlaps with:

• Trauma responses

• Attachment styles

• Burnout and stress

• Communication breakdown

• Power dynamics in relationships

• Mental health challenges

The coach:

• Does not mediate legal disputes or therapy-level trauma work

• Does not take sides

• Focuses on behaviour, awareness, communication skills, and accountability

• Refers out if there is abuse, violence, or severe psychological distress

3. Desired Outcomes

Client may achieve:

• Ability to pause before reacting

• Reduced emotional escalation

• Clear expression of needs without blame

• Faster resolution after disagreements

• Increased emotional safety in relationships

• Improved listening and understanding

• Reduced resentment buildup

• More respectful and productive conversations

4. Core Concept: The Conflict Cycle

Most conflict follows a predictable loop:

1. Trigger (something said/done/not done)

2. Interpretation (“They don’t care about me”)

3. Emotional reaction (anger, fear, hurt)

4. Behaviour (shouting, withdrawal, criticism)

5. Escalation or shutdown

6. Disconnection → unresolved tension

Coaching goal: Interrupt the cycle earlier and earlier.

5. Coaching Model (4 Phases)

Phase 1: Awareness of Conflict Patterns

Focus:

• Identify triggers

• Map escalation patterns

• Understand personal conflict style

Tools:

• Conflict timeline mapping

• Trigger identification log

• Emotional intensity scale (1–10)

Questions:

• “What usually starts the conflict?”

• “What do you typically do when you feel triggered?”

• “What makes things worse instead of better?”

Phase 2: Emotional Regulation (Stop Escalation)

Focus:

Teach the client to regulate before responding

Core Skills:

• Pause technique (stop–breathe–think)

• Self-soothing strategies

• Naming emotions instead of acting them out

• Body awareness (tight chest, heat, tension)

Technique: 90-Second Rule

• Emotion peaks in ~90 seconds if not fed by thoughts

• Coaching focus: delay reaction, not suppress emotion

Questions:

• “What happens in your body before you react?”

• “What would it look like to pause for 10 seconds here?”

Homework:

• Practice “pause before respond” in low-stakes situations

Phase 3: Communication During Conflict

Focus:

Replace blame with clarity

Core Tool: “I-Statement Structure”

• I feel…

• When…

• Because…

• I need…

Example:

“I feel frustrated when plans change last minute because I value predictability. I need more notice next time.”

Active Listening Method:

1. One person speaks (no interruption)

2. Listener repeats what they heard

3. Listener validates emotion

4. Then responds

Coaching Questions:

• “What are you really trying to communicate underneath the anger?”

• “What do you want the other person to understand about you?”

Homework:

• One structured conversation per day (10–15 minutes max)

Phase 4: Repair & Resolution

Focus:

Teach how to recover after conflict quickly

Repair Framework:

Step 1: Acknowledge impact

“I see that this hurt you.”

Step 2: Own behaviour

“I reacted defensively.”

Step 3: Express intention

“That wasn’t my intention.”

Step 4: Commit change

“Next time I will pause before responding.”

Key Principle:

Repair > being right

Questions:

• “What would help repair trust after conflict?”

• “What do you need to feel safe again after arguments?”

Homework:

• “24-hour repair rule” after conflict

• No unresolved emotional residue > 1 day

6. Coaching Session Structure (6 Sessions)

Session 1: Conflict Mapping

• Identify patterns and triggers

• Define goals

Session 2: Emotional Awareness

• Body signals

• Emotional naming

Session 3: Regulation Skills

• Pause techniques

• De-escalation tools

Session 4: Communication Tools

• I-statements

• Active listening

Session 5: Repair & Trust

• Repair conversations

• Accountability

Session 6: Integration

• Relapse prevention

• Long-term conflict strategy

7. Coaching Tools & Exercises

• Conflict cycle diagram

• Trigger journal

• Emotion wheel

• Pause-and-breathe practice

• Role-play conversations

• Repair script practice

• Values clarification (what are we really fighting for?)

• “Time-out agreement” design

8. High-Impact Coaching Questions

Awareness

• “What pattern do you repeat in conflict?”

• “What is your role in escalating things?”

Emotion

• “What are you feeling underneath the reaction?”

• “What feels threatened in that moment?”

Behaviour

• “What could you do instead of reacting immediately?”

• “What would a calm version of you do here?”

Resolution

• “What outcome do you actually want from this conversation?”

• “What would ‘resolved’ look like for you?”

9. Common Hidden Drivers of Conflict

• Feeling unheard

• Fear of rejection

• Need for control

• Unmet emotional needs

• Past unresolved resentment

• Stress and exhaustion

• Different communication styles

10. Red Flags for Referral

Refer out if:

• Physical violence or intimidation

• Emotional abuse patterns

• Severe mental health instability

• Substance abuse affecting behaviour

• Trauma flashbacks during conflict

• Inability to safely engage in conversation

11. Outcome Statement Example

“I remain calm and emotionally aware during conflict, communicate my needs clearly without blame, and resolve disagreements quickly through respectful conversation and repair.”