Slay the Stigma: A Huntr/x State of Mind🎤

7/31/25

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

As many others throughout the world who have Netflix (well, I didn't until I watched to have a watch party for KPDH after watching it at a friend's house), I quickly became obsessed with K-pop Demon Hunter (KPDH).

*Side note, I do strongly dislike the adjective "obsessed" because of the negative stigma around being considered obsessed in today's day and age.*

Not only is the animation superb, but the music is a true banger, and the characters are completely relatable. Please note that this post might have some spoilers. 

Like many others, I know I relate so much to Zoey for multiple reasons. I am also biracial, being half Puerto Rican and half Filipino. I am quirky and upbeat like Zoey. The biggest connection that I have with Zoey is when she believes that she's "too much but never enough."

This is a core belief that I have with my BPD (all my emotions), and yet, no matter how hard I try, everyone leaves (never being good enough).

One lyric that Zoey sings in Golden is "I lived two sides, trying to paint both sides, but I couldn't find my own place."

I struggle so much with having my place due to being afraid of my faults, personality, and emotions (basically my BPD). Growing up, I had many different friend groups, but I rarely got close to people because I was afraid. I've had many masks (which I don't believe my masks faked anything but just selected parts of my personality to meet the needs of the group), and it would constantly change depending on who I was around. I was barely ever my full self when I didn't have to wear a mask.

Mira is the one Huntr/x member that I relate to the least, but still love. She is considered the "problem child" in her family, and I can say that I perceived myself as the "problem child," whether or not it was true. 

In "What It Sounds Like," she sings how she should've let the "jagged edges meet the light instead."

And growing up, I held so much of my personality, my energy levels, and my emotions because I was always viewed as "too much" or "too depressed." I hid all of these away to avoid people not wanting to be around me.

Rumi, my girl. Being born half demon and half demon hunter, she wants the demon part of herself gone because of how she was taught that demons are all bad and shouldn't exist.

Being born with any condition, whether it be mental, physical, or intellectual, can be seen as this "demon" part of Rumi's character. Rumi can't help that she was born this way, just like we can't help or change that we were born with these conditions.

Rumi hides her patterns until they spread to her throat (her voice). For me, this is like my emotions and part of who I am, as I mentioned to Mira. But one thing I felt completely was when Rumi couldn't hide her demon patterns, and after a while, it was wearing her down. When she got too scared of her loved ones (Zoey and Mira) seeing her patterns and leaving (and probably trying to eliminate) her, you see her demon powers.

When Mira and Zoey find out about Rumi's patterns, the way they look at her breaks me because I've seen that look (and that's my GIRL). Rumi's fear became reality. She was so scared. And when my BPD episodes happen, especially the more extreme ones, I've seen that look from many people. One thing I hate being seen as is a "monster," and just like Rumi, I try to avoid that as much as possible.

Jinu, our favorite demon K-pop boy band leader, made the mistake of making a deal with the demon king, Gwi-Ma, to get him out of his poverty and "miserable" life. This deal cost him his family and soul. He was constantly reminded of abandoning his family, and he just wanted that gone. As many of us continually remember how badly we've hurt our loved ones, we can relate so much to Jinu. Jinu is more than his mistakes, and it wasn't until Rumi showed him this that he believed it.

I know when I've exploded on others during BPD episodes (which is an explanation, NEVER an excuse), I've hurt them a lot, and I hold on to that pain deep down. I've made many mistakes, and I've hurt many people. But these mistakes are not and never will be the only parts of me that define who I am. I am more than my mistakes, and so are you. Making mistakes is a part of life, but the most important thing is to learn from our mistakes.

If you haven't watched KPDH, you are missing out on a fantastic movie (okay, I'm slightly biased, but it really is a great movie). It's even appropriate for the kiddos!

Thanks for letting me nerd out about KPDH!

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade

Happy Disability Pride Month!♿

7/10/25

👋🏽 Hello Friends!👋🏽 

July is Disability Pride Month!

Growing up, I always thought that disabilities were physical conditions that affected the individual's daily life significantly. Of course, as I grew older, I realized that disability is a larger range than I thought.

I remember looking in a colleague's office, where a "Disability Pride Month" activity poster was hanging up. I read the Disability Pride Flag colors out loud, pointed at the one part of the flag, and said, "Oh hey, that's me!"

This activity flyer also broke down the meaning of the colors in the Disability Pride Flag, which I thought was the coolest thing ever. 

For those who don't know, here is the meaning of the colors in the Disability Pride Flag:  

Created by Ann Magill in 2019—

"Each color stripe has a meaning:

Red—physical disabilities 

Gold—neurodiversity 

White—invisible disabilities and disabilities that haven't yet been diagnosed 

Blue—emotional and psychiatric disabilities, including mental illness, anxiety, and depression 

Green—for sensory disabilities, including deafness, blindness, lack of smell, lack of taste, auditory processing disorder, and all other sensory disabilities 

The faded black background mourns and rages for victims of ableist violence and abuse. The diagonal band cuts across the walls and barriers that separate the disabled from normative society, also representing light and creativity cutting through the darkness."

- History of the Disability Pride Flag | Weinberg Family Cerebral Palsy Center 

📖 Want to learn more about the Disability Pride Flag? Visit these resources:  

The ADA and Disability Pride | Institute on Disability 

Disability Pride Flag - Bridgewell 📖 

It wasn't until I was 25 that I realized that my mental health could be used as a disability. I mean, I know that people have used their mental health condition for disability, but because I know that I'm high-functioning, I don't qualify as having a disability. Therefore, I don't need accommodations.

Oh, how wrong could I have been? 

When I first started graduate school, I knew what kind of student I always was. I'm a procrastinator; I'm a hard worker, but I'm also very lazy. I learn quickly, but I excel even more with a hands-on learning style. I realized that I could utilize accommodations for graduate school, and at the same time, I realized that I could also use them for my workplace.

This marked my first time going through an accommodation process for school or work. When I first started my current job and graduate school, I worked with my ex-boyfriend, who has ADD, and utilized accommodations while he was in school. We would have discussions about his accommodations and how it would help me, but by the time I was out of (undergraduate-level) school. It's not like I could go back in time and share this helpful information with myself now. I did, however, apply this knowledge in my graduate studies, and I can't tell you how much that helped me succeed. I honestly don't know how I could've passed without the accommodations. I'm not a bad student or incompetent; I'm not even close. I just need extra support to get there. 

Which is COMPLETELY okay.

This is something that I openly share with college students that I see when I meet with them in my place of work. The sense of hope that I can give back to students to let them know that they can accomplish school with their disabilities or conditions is always the best feeling that I can ever get.

I know what it's like to be in that space and not realize that I had help to reach out to. I will do everything in my power, given my position and resources, to ensure that no one I come across feels that way. That's one thing I love about my job. Mostly, I get to see these students before they are too far in their academic journey and talk with them about their resources. To help encourage them to use resources and to finish school.

Since having a disability is already so challenging, we can find ways to make our lives a little bit easier in the way we work. Know your rights as a tenant, employee, student, etc., by learning more about the Americans with Disability Act (ADA). I would also utilize accommodations and other tools of success (i.e., time management, productivity timer, etc.) to help you with your day-to-day practices. These tools can be worksheets or apps (I have a ton of self-care and productivity apps).

I would also recommend reaching out to others with the same condition as you to see how they handle some things and what has worked best for them for inspiration. In general, being in a support group is something I would recommend to anyone with any physical or mental condition. Being around others who can understand what you go through can be very comforting and healing (but I'll talk about that later 😉).

Until next time, friends! 💝 

‐Jade