Trick or Treat: BPD🎃

10/31/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

Happy Halloween!  

I have loved Halloween for as long as I can remember. I love candy and I love dressing up. 

I cosplay year-round, so I really love dressing up. 

Fun Fact: Since I do cosplay, I tend to do pun Halloween costumes. This year, I was a Bear-ista and a Seal of Approval.  

Having BPD is truly trick and treat, and here's how:  

Tricks

• Having extreme emotions all the time is so overwhelming.  

• Fluctuating between feeling everything and nothing is also overwhelming.  

• The pressure is felt when you have anger or sadness.  

• Having those "obsessive" thoughts that won't go away until a negative action happens (trying not to text someone and texts them)  

• The bottomless pit, feeling like you are a burden to everyone around you.  

• The fear of abandonment runs your relationship.  

Treats

• Creativity, so much creativity  

• Being empathic and understanding  

• Loving so deeply  

• Resilience 

• Extreme Loyalty 

• Bold and spontaneous  

• Really Passionate  

• Insightful  

• Infectious excitement  

• Deeply values relationships  

• Expressive individuality 

I won't lie; the bad days are really rough. 

Like really, really rough. And the tricks of BPD can make things so complicated and hard to deal with. Sometimes, the tricks make me feel like a complete burden, and it makes me wish that I wasn't alive. 

But the treats of BPD, which, can be hard to see, like a needle in a haystack.  

I am proud of myself because the treats of BPD are the best parts of me. I treasure all of the tricks that I turned into treats. 

Mental health conditions are so hard to cope with. Some days are really hard; others are not. Being able to go through life day-by-day living with a mental health condition, just like physical health or a Chronic illness, is one of the Strongest and bravest things someone can go through. 

So, in light of this Spooky holiday... 

Celebrate yourself and ask yourself, "What are your own trick-or-treats of your condition?" 

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade

The Room Where Relaxation Happens💆🏽‍♀️

10/24/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

One of my favorite ways to relax is to get a massage. Since I was a teenager, my mother and I would go for a mother-daughter spa session every once in a while. We always went to this one spa that was around 30- 45 minutes away from where we lived. To this day, I still go to this spa for massages when I have the time.

I would request a Service called "The Stress-Fix" massage. This is the standard deep-tissue massage mixed with a unique "Stress-Fix" aromatherapy scent they would use on you and in a diffuser when you get a massage.

It seriously feels so great!

Lately, I've been super overwhelmed due to work, grad school, and dealing with my mental health conditions... I have gained a lot of tension in not only my mind but my physical body, too.

This is why I stress the importance of healthy mental health practices. You can be physically so healthy, but if you don't take care of your mental health, you can still experience physical symptoms of pain, tension, or sickness.

Luckily, I had a vacation planned; I couldn't get off for school, but I was off from work, which always makes things less stressful.

While on vacation, I was able to get a massage. Of course, it wasn't my home spa, but it was a massage. Unfortunately, when I started my vacation, I got a cold. So, while I could relax, I wasn't able to as I usually would because my body was sore, stuffy, and generally very uncomfortable.

The massage was MUCH needed, but it was very overdue.

The spa I visited on vacation gave this little recap of the message and a suggested " Wellness plan." Well, Mine stated I had A Lot of muscle tension in my head, neck, and shoulders.

Surprised? No, not really.

After all the stress I have experienced in the last few months, getting this massage reminded me that I need to do more self-care than I have been.

Yes, I rest and engage in my hobbies and interests, but my mind and body need more. I will have to make more of an effort to engage in more effective self-care practices.

Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Self-care isn't selfish; it should be a priority.

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade

Okay... But Who Are You Really?👥

10/17/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

A Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) trait that I've had since I was younger was Identity Disturbance. 

🧠What is Identity Disturbance?

Dr. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault stated: "Identity disturbance is a term used to describe incoherence or inconsistency in a person's sense of identity. This could mean that a person's goals, beliefs, and actions are constantly changing," in her What Is Identity Disturbance? article on Verywellmind.com. 

Essentially, individuals with BPD tend to have inconsistency with their identity, which affects their daily lives, especially with their community and jobs. 🧠

These symptoms occurred from my last year of high school to college. I've gone in between friend groups since I never felt like I fit in one group. I was mainly afraid that if I stayed in one friend group all the time, I would just become annoying and a burden (there's the fear of abandonment! ), so, I avoided that. 

Luckily, I am naturally charismatic and kindhearted, so making friends has always been easy for me. Since I had multiple hobbies, it was easy for me to find friends, and jumping between them was pretty easy. I was still friends with each of my friend groups but often popped in and out. 

P.S. It was only a few friend groups; I wasn't popular in high school. In college, I knew a lot more people. 

I also started getting involved on campus in the last year and a half of my undergrad. I did things to make myself feel like I was accomplishing things and not a failure, which means after one thing was completed, I just HAD to do something else. This quickly added up to a very unmanageable load of responsibilities between classes, work, internships, and extracurriculars.

It's been around five years since I graduated with my bachelor's in psychology, and I still find myself handling an unmanageable load of activities and responsibilities. My list of activities mainly stems from my leadership in my sorority, membership with multiple professional and leadership groups, and volunteering at the Humane Society. This is on top of returning to school for my master's degree and engaging in my hobbies.

Not only does being busy help me feel like an accomplishment—that I'm worth being around because I'm making a difference—but it also helps me distract and avoid my difficult emotions and feelings. It's a bit messed up to think I can only be "okay" by completely overwhelming myself.

Being naturally social, I'm used to being charismatic, relatable, and social. I want to say that I have great social and soft skills, especially given the different positions and activities that I've held throughout my life.

I guess this can be considered one good BPD trait: developing multiple soft skills quickly.

The biggest challenge this faces is that while having many different skills, experiences, friend groups, etc., having a set self-image can take much work to develop.

As a person in her late twenties, I should have some identity at this point in my life, but sometimes it's just blank. Over the years, I have been slowly piecing my identity together, but sometimes it gets pushed to the side regarding a new romantic partner (aka Favorite Person—FP). At least this is a bad habit I'm trying to unlearn.

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade

My "BPD" Painting 🖼️

10/7/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

I was in the Lived Experienced Committee Meeting for the organization Emotions Matter. Emotion Matters is an organization that advocates for borderline personality disorder, education, and awareness.

👀Check out Emotions Matters here: Emotions Matter (emotionsmatterbpd.org) 👀

I applied and interviewed for the Emotion's Matter board when they had a seat opening. I didn't get an offer to be a board member. Still, I was offered a part of a new committee created for individuals who experience BPD to ensure that Emotions Matter is keeping up with what it needs regarding the website, resources, support groups, training for events, etc.

At one of the most recent Lived Experience Committee meetings, we discussed Emotion's Matter's annual art show. As we discussed possible names/themes for this year's art show, I considered submitting my own art. Unfortunately, I live hours away from this organization (they are in a state north of mine), and I'm unable to attend their art show in person. I still wanted to submit some art, and I was wondering what something I could do to submit it (when I had the time).

I thought and thought. And an idea finally came up.

I wanted to express my personalized experience with BPD through art. I decided that I would spit the canvas in half. One side is supposed to be created during an episode, and the other is created when I'm "happier" or feel more highly content.

I started this painting on June 27th, 2024, during an episode (I believe nuclear). I finished the painting on September 29th, 2024, when I have been slowly improving, using my skills more, having more consistent support, and generally having a great time with friends. While I felt like I didn't feel "happy," I was content with how everything was going. Not everything is perfect, of course, but things are going okay now.

I also feel like I could've completed this painting earlier, but I'm not always the greatest at documenting my happier moments.

This little experience helped me express another way to show people how it feels to have BPD; while they'll never fully understand, the painting is just a start! This blog is just the start.

I can't wait to see what's next, but don't worry; I'm still living in the moment and making every day count!

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade