"Man-up"😒

11/19/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

As a mental health advocate, I fight for mental health awareness and education for everyone. One thing that still irks me like crazy is how men and society collectively don't take men's mental health seriously. Yes, it's a lot better than before, but there is still such a higher stigma for men to "man up" and not display or talk about emotions or mental health.   

This frustrates me like crazy.   

I was talking to someone recently (who eventually ended up ghosting me, but that is not the point of the story), and when I told him that I supported men's mental health, I told him he could talk to me about anything. He thanked me and told me I was a "real one." I feel that this should be the norm. Why am I a real one by being supportive and open to men being vulnerable and talking about their emotions? I know the idea that men being "men" means they have to hide emotions was adopted way before I was born, but c'mon, It's 2024. We need to stop with the "Man-Up," toxic masculinity, and the idea that men can't talk about their feelings. 

🧠What’s toxic masculinity? 

Toxic masculinity is essentially the cultural norm that men are expected to hold aggression, dominance, and emotional suppression. Usually, the idea of being a "real man" drives this mindset and pushes men to feel that they cannot be vulnerable; they have to be in control, and they always have to be physically strong. 

Learn More here: Toxic Masculinity: Definition and Examples 🧠

There's nothing "manly" about suffering internally.   

I was talking to a close friend who was going through a rough time with life, school, and a breakup. I asked him if he was talking to some of his male friends for support since support systems help a lot. He told me he had tried to, but the friends he talked to slightly dismissed his feelings and thoughts and made jokes. Seeing this message from him, I was immediately angered, and I went off to him about these friends.   

Well, not at him, but venting about how this behavior is not right. I know that as a female-identified individual, I am fortunate enough not to have that stigma of talking about my feelings, and I can easily say to just talk about it. But as someone who is male-identified, it may not be as easy to just talk about feelings. I can't fix the world, but only everyone can have a safe space and a listening ear. While I already provide this for everyone connected with me on social media, I want to improve this, especially for anyone who feels stigmatized for talking about their feelings. This is a great time to ask yourself if you provide this space. We can't change the world, but we can change someone's world.    

Did you know that...  

• suicide rate among males in 2021 was around four times higher than the suicide rate among females and made up almost 80% of all suicides (Healthline & CDC)  

• Nearly 1 in 10 men experiences some form of depression or anxiety, but less than half seek treatment (Wisemind)

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade

Ice Cream Shop Fun 🍦

11/13/24

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

I went on vacation to Florida within the last month, which means that I have been taken out of my normal routine and environment. 

Now, I wouldn't say I like change, but I will say this is something that I've been looking forward to. The idea of going somewhere new and not knowing a ton of people and (mostly) leaving every worry behind sounded so amazing and much needed. 

I still had to do schoolwork, which was fine and anticipated, but getting sick wasn't on my plan for this week, so I spent a lot of time resting more than I thought I would. 

On top of physical sickness, I've noticed that I've started feeling really sad. When I saw my sadness come, I tried to ignore it and push it down. Now, I don't try to do this often since I know from previous experience that if I hold too much in, I'll burst, and I honestly don't know how that can go. But I was with family and unfortunately needed to go this time.

I did work on a couple of my DBT worksheets to help me calm down and process my emotions at dinner (my therapist would be so proud) before the food arrived. This helped me relieve some of the mental and emotional pressure that I had. I still didn't feel like eating too much or even doing much, but at least I wasn't at my warning level or even higher. 

One evening, we went out for dinner, and I felt myself almost about to cry at the table. I knew that I could not do that without a million questions that I didn't want to answer. While my direct family knows when to ask and when not, my extended family doesn't and will not stop until they know why. 

So, I stayed quiet, using homework as an excuse. I barely could eat due to being sick and depressed.  

After we left the restaurant, I thought I was free. I thought I was one minute closer to being on my own and feeling my feelings and crying. But I saw a sign for an ice cream shop near the restaurant we were at, and boy, did I want ice cream. 

I started walking over to the ice cream shop, thinking I was alone. I just wanted to see the shop.  But I wasn't; my great Titi was behind me telling me that ice cream was her treat.  

We went in, and the shop was really fun. There was some nice throwback music going on, and it was very colorful. There was so much to look at and so many flavors to choose from. Suddenly, the rest of my family that was with me started coming into the shop. Better yet, some came in dancing and jamming out to the music. After a while, many of my older relatives just danced with each other.  

Usually, stuff like this could embarrass me, but honestly, it was very comforting and made me smile.  

And, of course, I have this on video.  

But I watched them being happy and not having a single care in the world. I thought that was pretty cool. I remember sitting there and thinking how I wish I could be free-spirited without a single care. I get too caught up in my head in being seen and perceived well. Especially since I feel more pressure being so open about my BPD, I think that that negative stigma follows me around. I feel that I always have to push harder to show I'm not that negative stigma. Sometimes, I can also get in my head about looking stupid in front of strangers, which kept me from freestyling and performing as a dancer when I was younger. I get so in my head that I lost that part of me that used to be more outgoing, free-spirited, with less care in the world.  

It's a nice reminder to live in the moment before losing it. Just let loose and care less what others think. 

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade