*Live, Laugh, Love* 💟 

5/20/25

👋🏽Hello Friends!👋🏽

Let's get our live, love, love hung up for this post. 

A few weekends ago, I attended a comic con with my cosplay friends (cosfam), and I sometimes forget how much fun I have with them. I forget how extremely grateful I am that I have this group of pure weirdos who are just like me. I only have these types of groups in my life every so often. I've also been blessed to have found another few communities (who are pretty intertwined with each other) with which I can feel completely myself. 

As someone who struggles with BPD, self-identity, and self-image issues on top of being high-functioning but very open about having BPD, it can be a double-edged sword. Being able to be open and honest about my BPD helps educate others on BPD, but I am more prone to the stigma (and being looked at poorly and judged) for having BPD. In my teen years, when I was having general mental health condition symptoms, I remember my parents telling me that they didn't want me to have a "label" of a mental health condition because it follows someone around for the rest of their life. At that age, I understood very little where they were coming from, and while I don't ever regret getting the diagnosis and label because I have this diagnosis, I can get the help that I need, and I can understand what they were trying to protect me from. 

While I don't experience too much negative stigma, it hurts a lot more when I do. A lot of the time, I am the most critical of myself, and I am enough of a critic that I don't need anyone else adding to that. As someone who shares their story and experience, I am more of a 'target" that causes me to experience "hiding behind a mask." Being high-functioning alone is a big mask that I hold because I feel that if I show any weakness, people will be critical and lose hope in themselves and me. I know I have a job that deals with other people, and I am present in the workplace with their team. My mask shapeshifts into a different "sub-identity" depending on the group I'm in, and since I'm very involved with the community, it can change so much. 

Putting myself in this position doesn't help with my struggle with self-image. However, having communities that I do have makes me feel a sense of pure joy that I feel like I never feel in my life (until I feel it again). Over the weekend, with my cosfam, I would act silly and not worry about being "too much" or "over-the-top" or being slightly judged about my hobbies. It's such a relief. A huge breath of fresh air that reminds me that I'm loved for who I truly am. 

Now, I'm not saying that I fake any part of myself or alter myself; that's not what I do with this symptom of BPD (I, unfortunately, cannot speak for everyone in the BPD community because our symptoms affect us very differently). I have always been myself, but I have these "sub-identities" that will take control over others. For example, if I'm at a young professional group at a networking fundraising mixer, I won't talk about my current anime crush or cosplay that I'm planning. So these "sub-identities" are parts of me that I have to hush down or hide because they are considered "too much" for the social group that I am physically in at the moment. 

Self-identity has always been a massive puzzle for me, even in my late 20s. While I'm still figuring myself out, I also have to unlearn unhealthy behaviors that I had to learn to have my needs met and figure out healthy coping skills that work best for me. It's a lot to handle, and it's far from easy. 

And while I'm struggling with all the internal struggles for many different symptoms of my BPD, Depression, Anxiety, etc., from time to time, I remember that I have multiple people who love, care, and accept me for who I am. Even with BPD, I don't have to hide any part of me. It warms my heart, and it means the world to me. Having people like this in my life makes me live, laugh, and love more than just a cheesy statement. 

A little tip here: Find those people who make you "Live, Laugh, Love," and just tell them how much they mean to you and that you appreciate them. Hold them close and make all the memories with them. Live in these moments, laugh so much your sides hurt, and love each second of it (oh my gosh, this is SUPER cheese-y).  

Well, I mean, it's still really cheesy.

Until next time, friends! 💝

‐Jade